7
Apr 09

Visible: A Femmethology - Virtual Tour Day

Cross-posted on Femme Fagette here.

Femme–an identity that has caused controversy, celebration and ridicule–is now the topic of a two-volume set from Homofactus Press and editor Jennifer Clare Burke titled Visible: A Femmethology. Femmethology calls the LGBTQI community on its own prejudice and celebrates the diversity of individual femmes. Award-winning authors, spoken-word artists, and totally new voices come together to challenge conventional ideas of how disability, class, nationality, race, aesthetics, sexual orientation, gender identity and body type intersect with each contributor’s concrete notion of femmedom. - from femmethology.com

This month of April marks something I've been waiting for quite some time: the Femmethology virtual blog tour! Today is lucky enough to be my day, and so I'm sharing some of my feelings and insights related to the Femmethology. Visit Daphne Gottlieb tomorrow for her day, and all the sites at the bottom of the post on their days.

First, a little about the Femmethology:
Visible: A Femmethology

Femmethology is essential—a roadmap of Femme Nation, an index, an anthropology, a manifesto, and a googleology. - Dorothy Allison

Visible: a Femmethology is a two-volume anthology of essays revolving around femme identity.

I've been discovering and embracing my multigendered identity lately, but in that multigendered identity there is a solidly femme identity as well, which these books helped me remember.

Not that I had forgotten my femme identity, I just had been focusing more consciously on my fagette identity than my femme because it was new and in a way easier to focus on because it's more visible (though only slightly). The identities in no way are opposites, they are complimentary, but they are also different. Reading through the Femmethology in a way re-connected me with my femme identity.

The biggest benefit of the Femmethology, in my opinion, is that it helps remind us that we are not alone as femmes. While some of us have many femme friends and a wonderful support system the rest of us do not and we have to navigate the world without much reassurance and reminders that there are so many of us out there feeling the same things. This is one of the reasons I started The Femme's Guide in the first place, to emphasize that there are many of us out there, and while we're all different we are also all the same.

I was moved many times throughout the two volumes. There were authors I knew well or moderately well, from various avenues such as Sinclair Sexsmith, Sassafras Lowrey, and Tara Hardy. There were many other authors that I didn't know anything about, but I was able to get to know something about them through their stories.

Many stories touched me to the core, rocked me, and left me dazed and contemplating my own stories and my own identities.

I feel that Visible: A Femmethology is not just a book or anthology meant to be read, though it certainly is that as well, it's also a look into each of these femme's lives and voices, an adventure into different types of femme-ininity and different experiences that all somehow are similar because of this identity we all embrace and inhabit. It shows the vastness of femme while also showing what unites us.

It screamed "you are not alone" to me right when I needed it.

From the Introduction to the anthology: "Femme means I won’t compromise on complexity. ... Above all, my femme is not your femme, which is the good news. ... Femme means my sexuality, my partner choices, my definitions and my gender presentation might not match your labels."

You can order Volume 1 and Volume 2 through the fabulous Homofactus Press.

You can also hear Sinclair Sexsmith reading his Love Letter to Femmes!

Check out the blogs below on the associated dates to learn more about the Femmethology volumes:
4/1. Sugarbutch Chronicles
4/2. Ellie Lumpesse
4/3. Queer-o-mat
4/4. CyDy Blog
4/6. Catalina Loves
4/7. cross-post: The Femme’s Guide and Femme Fagette
4/8. Daphne Gottlieb
4/9. Bilerico Project
4/10. Screaming Lemur: Femme-inism and Other Things
4/13. The Femme Hinterland
4/14. Bochinche Bilingüe: Borderlands Writing and The Vagina Adventures
4/15. Dorothy Surrenders
4/16. Miss Avarice Speaks Her Mind
4/17. The Femme Show
4/19. Sexuality Happens
4/20. Queer Fat Femme
4/21. Sublimefemme Unbound
4/22. Tina-cious.com and Jess I Am (butch-femme couple day!)
4/23. FemmeIsMyGender
4/24. The Lesbian Lifestyle
4/25. Femme Fluff
4/26. Weldable Cookies
4/27. The Verbosery
4/28. A Consuming Desire and Creative Xicana
4/29. Queercents
4/30. en|Gender

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1
Oct 08

From Lesbos to Futch...

Here we go again...

I was hanging out at one of the alternative lifestyle forums I frequent and the post titled FUTCH popped up...and it didn't make me thrilled...and I wasn't even one of the ones asking WTF? Maybe you, as I was, watched when Dani Campbell, one of the contestants on MTV's Shot at Love with Tila Tequila said "Futch." She explained it meant someone who is neither feminine nor butch, but a cross between. My eyes rolled.

Maybe you love the word...maybe you hate the word. My question is, "Do we as a community not have enough labels to describe ourselves? Lesbian, Butch, Femme, Stem, Stone Butch, Lipstick Lesbian...I could go on. Okay, one more: Gayelle.  (Why anyone would want a change of label to this happy, pleasant sounding word is beyond me, since Lesbian has history. Lesbian the word coming from the Greek island Lesbos where the first recognized "homosexual woman" was presumed to live...and where she wrote her many love poems to other women from. Perhaps you've heard of her: Sappho. Maybe not, since she lived about 600 B.C.

So, as much as I'd love to turn this into a label rant...I won't...I will go back to the forum discussion that ensued wherein someone claimed that a Dominant Femme was an Oxymoron. Seriously. Forget eye roll, I laughed out loud! Then I laughed some more.

When did Femme come to mean soft and cuddly and vulnerable and submissive? When did someone add to the label rule book that Femme meant a woman who couldn't be strong, capable, independent? Assertive? Demanding? Dominating?

Either I'm confused or the label creators are...

The Femme history that I know is one of a powerful woman, willing to stand out from the norm. Consider the era. Lesbianism first became very public in the 1940's (yes, there were obviously lesbians pre-1940 but for the sake of this post...I want to keep it semi-current.) If you were a woman in 1940, you were a housewife, a nun, a spinster. Or you were a rebel. An outsider. Someone who could be beaten or killed for being Different. Someone who had to be willing to be Tough. Hardcore. In Order To Survive The Times.

Why 1940? In Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers, Lillian Faderman recognized that this was when women were first admitted to bars (in the U.S.) without a male escort. As a consequence, the outsiders developed ways to recognize each other. Some (Butch/Dyke) women women adopted male styled clothes and short hair which conflicted starkly with their feminine peers, others (Femme) women exaggerated their femininity with daring red lipstick and seductive dress. Paired as Butch/Femme couples, they resembled their heterosexual counterparts but because of their exaggerated representations brought attention for the first time to the Lesbian Subculture.

In Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold, Elizabeth Lapvsky-Kennedy and Madeline Davis wrote that gender identities "were the key structure for organizing against heterosexual dominance." Gender identities born from their heterosexual models: if Butch equalled Aggressor and Protector then Femme found importance as Seducer and Pillars of Strength.

By the 1950's the Lesbian Subculture was firmly rooted making it possible for women like Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon to come out as a committed homosexual couple even though harassment and arrest were still common.

During the 1960's and 70's Lesbianism was under attack but by a new source: Feminists. With Butches accused of chauvinism and oppression and Femmes accused of enabling...the feminist lesbian strove for androgyny.

However, by the 1980's Butch-Femme came into being as post-feminist lesbians reclaimed their right to have gender. A quote from Butch-Femme.com (one of the original genderqueer websites) says it better than I ever could: "A Butch without a Femme is still a Butch, just as a Femme without a Butch is still a Femme. But how we compliment one another. And it's hot! We are about...passion!"

The 1990's brought the recognition of transgender, changing the face of the community forever...

October is officially LGBT History Month and so the past as well as the future of Femme has been on my mind. And so looking for inspiration for today's post, I went looking for Femme and found instead Futch. Why did I cringe so hard when I was reading the Forum's comments? Was it because I see myself in the term Futch? Is it because I have such a fierce aversion to any label that tries to fit me into a nice tidy category...

Or maybe it is because I fear what this new century is bringing to the table as our future's history. Are we really so confused that we have to coin a new term seemingly every day to define ourselves...or by creating new labels are we enabling ourselves to truly live our lives authentically? I sincerely hope it is the latter ... for me, I'm just happy that today I am able to say I am Bisexual. I am Femme. And no one is going to throw a brick at my head.

So, as much as I would have loved to have ranted about labels, I hope instead that this post encourages at least one to do some research into the history of our roots. And in writing this post I am given the opportunity to say thank you to all of those beautiful Femmes and Butches who came before me...for their Strength and Courage and Determination to make the path I walk one that is easier than the one they walked.

Thank You.

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30
Sep 08

Highlights from the 2008 NOLOSE Conference

NOLOSE is an organization for fat and lesbian/bisexual/queer women and transpeople dedicated to ending oppression against people for their size. While NOLOSE is more than just a conference, the main activity for the organization is the (not quite annual) conference.

It's hard to describe exactly what happens at the conference. I've been attending since 2004--when my drag troupe was tapped to perform an act as their evening entertainment. I didn't know what to expect from the gathering, but what I found was a fun and vibrant community of fat people (and allies!) of all sizes, shapes, colors, genders, ages and abilities working within themselves and in the larger culture to end fat oppression. Each year has been different, but what I was most tapped into was the fun aspect of it. I've made some of my closest friends while being very wacky and carefree at a NOLOSE gathering.

This year was a less fun for me than in years past--I can't quite put my finger on what it was--but as I go through my laundry list of what I got out of this year's conference, I want to highlight that even at my grumpiest I still got a transformative weekend of magical moments that I am very thankful for.

My highlights, in numerical order:

1. Fatties in the Media workshop. Oh, sure, I ran the workshop so it was already primed to be my favorite. But what can I say, community building, fat activism and making media are my passions and bringing them together was very important to me. I started the workshop by asking the participants (over 40 of them, which surprised me for a Sunday slot) what they would like to see on television in Fatopia--a society where weight is value-neutral, we've moved beyond the gender binary and anti-racism is the norm.

The group was very enthusiastic. We talked about the "F-Word", a show with fat queers, butches who look like, you know, butches. We talked about kids programming where there was more than one token fat kid and if he's a superhero his super power has nothing to do with his fatness. (Though, personally, I would totally want my superhero costume to involve cupcakes.) We talked about having real relationship structures featured, including functional polyamory and safe, sane and consensual BDSM . And instead of typical commercials we would include community events and concerned citizen announcements about paying attention to what your kids are doing. And that we would only have 5 hours of programming a day so that people would, you know, read a book.

I asked several of the conference attendees to come to my workshop to discuss what they were doing and how they were doing it, as a sort of idea and skill share. Allyson Mitchell talked about making movies on super 8 and doing community classes and film screenings. LukasBlakk talked about digital media, distribution and vlogging . Mr. Kate talked about making and distributing Zines, old school style. Chelsey from the Fat Femme Mafia talked about fat activist initiatives using video and I got the Fat and Queer movie girls to discuss their idea and their process. And I talked about FemmeCast pretty briefly.

The workshop left me feeling very invigorated about making the kind of media I want to see (and the people in the workshop want to see)!

2. Meeting Lukas Blakk and Allyson Mitchell. I've met Allyson before but not in the context of knowing the art and media she was doing. Allyson curated a fattie short film series. A lot of the videos I hadn't seen, so it was cool to get to be exposed to them. Even though some of the digital videos had some technical difficulties, I wrote them down to come home to download. Her short "Foodie" was really remarkable. And Lukas had several videos I hadn't seen, including one with Tracy Tidgwell on stockpiling food and this hysterical video with some of the performers I know through drag called "Destiny's Neighbor". I really love campy, creative fat art and am really happy to have met people making this kind of stuff at NOLOSE.

At best, conferences are great networking opportunities and I want to surround myself with people making fat and queer media.

During the media workshop Lukas offered to start a "Fat Planet", which is basically a global RSS feed thing where it gloms onto the feeds of a whole bunch of NOLOSE related people's fat and queer blogs, writings, videos, podcasts and puts them into one feed. Lukas was way more eloquent than I can be about the subject, but I will definitely spread the word when it becomes available.

Also, Lukas and Allyson are Canadians and I have a crush on the city of Toronto and their fattivities. (Daddy K's Dance Acadamy? Fat Femme Mafia? Word.)

3. My bestie Genne, First Runner up in the Master of Dance competition. The Master of Dance competition was this year's answer to the "Fresh Bottom Revue". One thing NOLOSE has been great for is challenging people to use their bodies in new ways. The Fresh Bottom Revue was something Heather MacAllister was responsible for, a response to her professional Fat Bottom Revue, where people who hadn't performed burlesque before would attend a workshop and perform burlesque for the first time at the Saturday night entertainment for the conference.

This year, Tiny and Petunia held a dance off. There was a workshop for it and Genne attended. Having a family history of not dancing and a lot of anxiety around dancing, she decided that since it was the workshop that scared her the most she should go to it. I think that if everyone adopted that life philosophy people would be a lot happier.

Before she went up there I told her how proud I was of her for doing it. She really challenged herself, put herself on stage and danced like crazy. My favorite move she did was a "swim" with her whole body on the ground, literally swimming. I'm still not sure what the rules of the competition were, but ultimately the people who risked the most and were the most, for lack of better word, crazy and different, were rewarded. It was silly goodness.

4. Fatshion. There was a bit of controversy before this year's conference about the so-called "Fashion Olympics". This is the tendency for NOLOSE to involve a great deal of challenging fatshion . For me, since it is a conference and I have access to my clothes and the ability to change a lot, I will wear a variety of ridiculous outfits because I can. And I am not alone in this.

Some people were expressing discomfort at not being able to be on their "A Game" for fashion at this year's conference and there was a huge debate about it on livejournal. This debate sparked a workshop about Fashion at NOLOSE . I took great offense to the term "Fashion Olympics" (there is no judge! the winners are anyone who dresses to make themselves feel good!), especially as a very flamboyant high femme. But I did recognize the inherent benefit to discussing and breaking down how the "Fashion Olympics" affects the community at NOLOSE and the ways in which it reconstructs social hierarchies.

NOLOSE is a special place in terms of body acceptance and fashion risk. There is no dress code. I took some fashion risks this year, which included not packing a lot of clothes. Lately I have been interested in trying a miniskirt/minidress look, which is hard for me as a fattie. Also, I don't do scarves very often, so I tried this look. I am pictured here with Glenn Marla, tranny superstar and my fashion cousin (down to the Fluevogs).

I also rocked a fuzzy pink robe, jingly reindeer slippers and pigtails during the fashion workshop. I never wear pigtails, but I thought it important to make the point, you can dress down while still dressing up. Plus they kept my freshly dyed hair out of the water when I went swimming earlier.

Anyway, the workshop was good (and co-facilitated by my BFF and fat femme fashion icon Zoe). We talked a lot about how to include people and work on exclusion and acceptance, the importance of giving compliments and creating a welcoming community (a NOLOSE buddy system was suggested) and the difference between fashion and style.

5. People. I am absolutely privileged to have a fat queer community in New York City (and beyond) that I keep up with on the regular. I feel very honored that being in a space with so many fat people isn't an unusual occurrence for me, but I do see the ways in which that is restorative and unusual for others. And seeing a lot of body diversity in one room is amazing for me, too. I just love getting to catch up with people I don't see very often. I can't possibly do a roll call, but I want to give extra giant love to my personal Cadbury Leather Egg, Mitchell Atticus . Having butches like Mitch around to just help out makes my party planning, rabble-rousing and community building much easier. He helped me plan a much-needed conference make out party. Since I was grumpy I didn't make out with anyone, but having FemmeCast sponsor a party where other people did and made some great connections made me feel good. As I said this weekend, "Even if I'm in a bad mood and not having a lot of fun, I want to make sure other people are having fun because that makes me feel good."

My friend Naima did a hipster impression that was absolutely right on during dinner, we had a Fat Femme stampede to a sundae bar, and I got to spend some snarkymarvelous time with fellow Femme's Guide Blogger, Hussy Red.

6. Genne's Fat Families Workshop. Her workshop, which was about an interview she did with her grandmother about 80 years in a fat body, had a lot of a ha moments for me about my family and our relationship to fat. I think as activists we talk a lot about our family as the root to our struggles about fat but not necessarily how to deal with them and what we can learn from them. I am planning an episode of the podcast about families and got a lot of great ideas from Genne's workshop.

And, most importantly, what I got out of this year was a lot of great ideas for what I want to be doing in terms of fat activist community building. I am at an interesting cross roads in terms of what I am going to focus on and I think I have further clarity. And clarity is in short supply for me these days!

Next up for me on the Femme's Guide, I will discuss weight loss goals in the fat activist movement.

P.S. Did you notice there's a minisode about the economy available at the FemmeCast website? It's true.

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4
Sep 08

Please, Believe Me

As my inaugural post here at the Femme Guide, I want to introduce myself...Hi! I'm Roxy Harte, erotica writer...lol. More seriously though, my goal as a fiction writer is to challenge the way people think, change their prejudices, and trample all over their boundaries. I write GLBT and BDSM erotica...usually combining the two...

This post may be offensive to some people, not because I've included adult-material excerpts (which undoubtedly will find their way into future posts), but because when it comes to my authenticity, I'm fairly vocal...

I know who I am, a bisexual Femme. I've known since my "Epiphany Day" during an ordinary Jr. High gym class in 1978 when Amie R stripped down to her skin for showers and I tripped over my jaw (which had hit the ground.) How many times had I showered naked with the other girls and not "noticed"? I was in utter and total lust.

And it was noticed.

After that, I was the outcast, the queer girl no one wanted to talk to...and after a decade of being in the "In" crowd, that hurt. But as I sat with the Principal and the female gym teacher in a conference with my parents, I refused to renounce my stance that I was Bisexual...even after counseling to dispel my confusion. The consequence  was showering solo (before the other girls through Jr High and after the other girls through High School) because no one wanted a fag in the shower room. (It was 1978...)

I made a stand at thirteen.

I've been challenged ever since.

Lesbians try to convince me I just haven't met the right woman yet; heterosexual men try to convince me I haven't met the right man yet...or beg to watch.

Please, believe me when I say Bisexuality is real! Ask anyone who identifies as bisexual. There is not an on-off switch. There is no way to ever be 100% heterosexual or 100% homosexual. And I'm not sure about anyone else, but given the choice to be 100% anything...I wouldn't take it. Partly, because I am really comfortable with who I am, even if I tend to make everyone else a little crazy. But partly because I feel like "my world view, my sexuality" is superior. Now, don't get all in a tissy (I already explained that I tend to make people crazy...that includes rage at my opinions).

Here's what I mean...I don't think I'm better than anyone else...just a bit more evolved. I'm not trying to fit into a gender (I identify as masculine and feminine under different situations) and I'm not trying to be either straight or gay because I've already accepted that I'm neither...and so there is no prejudice, no anger, no frustration. I am who I am and I totally accept that you are who you are because I know that whether you are gay or straight, bi or transgender...that's who you are. I can't and wouldn't want to "fix" me, so why on earth would I want to "fix" you? That's it...that's my attitude. Why can't everyone else be so kind?

I lust after men, I lust after women...I've even fallen in love with a few of each. So get over it already. Accept me for who I am.

Sometimes, I meet other bisexuals who are afraid to "come out of the closet" because they've been identified as straight or queer so long by people in their sphere that to suddenly say I might want to be with x instead of y for a while would topple their world...and most of them want to know how I'm brave enough to just be myself. Honestly, I don't know that it's bravery. It's a refusal to lie.

I have a lesbian friend who assumed I was lesbian and struggling to "come out" because I was dating a man at the time, but I clearly wasn't a heterosexual female...I told her I was Bi...she actually held her finger to her lips and shushed me. She didn't want her partner to hear the word Bi because her partner, as a very Butch, very opinionated lesbian in the community, might "go off".

Seriously?

I didn't get it...

"Because you can't make up your mind," she said. "You're afraid to come out of the closet and that makes you a clit tease."

My friend and her partner then got a dose of MY SOAPBOX...

So, for anyone who still thinks that bisexuality isn't real or needs personal affirmation. Here are a few links to various places of interest(I have dozens so if Google doesn't quench your thirst for more info...I'm sure I'll be blogging again and will be supplying more as the mood hits me.

If you are bisexual or know of other bisexual sites please feel free to comment...

Bi Net USA

BiCommunity News

BiWriters Association

Bisexual News and Opinions

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