Disclaimer: I hate writing bad reviews of books. I really, really, really hate to do it. I hate it because it feels icky, and because as an author I know how much work goes into creating a book etc. I also feel really blessed that it’s pretty rare for me to have to write a bad review, alas sometimes it’s unavoidable.

I was really excited reviewing Susie Bright’s “Love and lust: A Sex Journal” first of all because I have so much respect for all the sex positive work that Susie has done, and secondly because HELLO sex and journaling combined? 100% up my alley and something I was really excited to share with all the femmes readers here.

The book/journal itself is gorgeous from the cover art to the detailing with the little lock and key just like those childhood diary’s I remember having. I was thrilled to stick the little brass key into the lock and see what sort of prompts and ideas about sex would come my way. Unfortunately though beautifully packaged the rest of the book/journal fell flat for me.

I’ve seen books very successfully weave together journal exercises with the authors perspective, and even the words of others – Kate Bornstein’s ‘My Gender Workbook’ comes to mind as a brilliant example of how this can work. What I found when I cracked the journal open was very little in the way of an introduction or welcome to readers/writers and then on the remaining pages fairly unoriginal and not especially compelling, I hesitate to even call them prompts.

In reading blurbs about the book I got the impression that it was designed for women of all sexual orientations with the fantastic goal of encouraging them to become more comfortable with their own sexual desires and experiences and to begin journaling on that. I’m really comfortable with my sexuality and write about it regularly so I honestly wasn’t anticipating huge personal revelations, however I did expect prompts that I could dig into and expand upon. I found none of that. This got me thinking about the women the book is really intended for, women who maybe don’t exist in sex-positive community and I have to say that I imagine they would be left significantly less inspired than I was.

Overall I’d say the idea behind the book is fantastic, but unfortunately this is one of those situations where you just can’t judge a book by its cover.

I read S. Bear Bergman’s ‘Butch Is A Noun’ for the first time not long after it was released in 2006. I liked it. When I received the re-released version from Arsenal Pulp Press* I was excited to sit with it again, but what I didn’t expect was to fall in love. This is the point where other people would make comparisons to things like fine wine, or scotch improving with time. However, as I don’t drink I will compare the book to the finest cheddar cheese which only improves with age. This time reading ‘Butch Is A Noun’ I was blown away and immediately smitten as each story unraveled different complicated and at times paradoxical pieces of butch.

Bear manages to carve out a space for all sorts of butch experiences and presents glimpses into butch intimacy. Bear talks lovingly of taking a young butch to buy hir first tie, about helping friends move, about intergenerational community, and having the back of your people. “Faggot Butch” reminded me of everything that felt so right and safe and solid about being butch identified a few gendered lifetimes ago and partnering with other butches. It is also without a doubt filled with beautiful, powerful stories about the treasuring of femmes and the uniqueness of butch/femme dynamics. These stories made me feel seen, and I think any butch loving femme reading it couldn’t help but be smitten with the text (I started including the names of specific stories before realizing it started to look like the whole table of contents).

‘Butch is a Noun’ is a book I consider to be a community classic. It’s a book that I want to hand to every young butch just coming into self, and every young butch loving femme I come across to show hir just the sort of care and chivalry that ze deserves.

*Huge, huge thank you to the folks at Arsenal for sending me a review copy of the book.

Mira Darling’s ‘Fucking Trans Women #0 ” is one of the most brilliant zines I’ve ever read (and coming from this old zinester that’s saying something). It is 80 pages of sexy smart text and art that is not to be missed. The zine is currently only available digitally – I read my copy while in airports over the last week : ) and at $5 is very, very reasonable for the length and quality.

In her bio Mira describes herself as a 28-year-old trans dyke and student. She is a femme, a queer, a dork, a cocksucker, and lots of other things. Her interests include the history of medicine, the 1920’s, literature, masculinity as cultural narratives, homos, conversation, and history of eugenics and racism. She reads comic books and can’t take the cold. (be on the lookout I’m going to do a spotlight interview with Mira very very soon)

I especially loved and appreciated how ‘Fucking Trans Women’ spoke candidly about technical aspects of the way she finds sex to be pleasurable including diagrams and step-by-step instructions. I was equally drawn into the honesty with which Mira spoke about the emotional sides of relating to her body, connecting with partners, and her understanding of sex itself. Interspersed was biting and super smart commentary about why as a queer (and specifically dyke) community we are so much less welcoming of trans women than trans men, and the ways in which we frame the sexuality and erotic appeal of trans women and trans men very differently.

Mira considers this zine #0 with the intention that future issues will include stories and perspectives from other trans women. I know that I for one will be waiting eagerly for the next issues! You can learn more about the zine (and purchase your copy) at www.fuckingtranswomen.com

When it comes to Ivan Coyote’s ‘Missed Her’ I am a biased reviewer. I knew before opening the first page that more than likely I was going to love this book. Ivan is one of my favorite writers, because there are few others with the ability to so beautifully weave stories of our queer world with that degree of honesty, and integrity. When I saw the package from Arsenal Pulp Press* in my mailbox it took sheer will not to tear into it right in our building’s mail/laundry room and wait until I got back into my apartment (I did however squeal and startle a neighbor who was moving laundry to the dryers).

‘Missed Her’ wasn’t all new to me. If you are a regular reader of Ivan’s column at Xtra there are some pieces that will be familiar, like her famous butch and femme pieces ‘hats off’ and ‘a butch roadmap.’ There were a couple other stories recognized as well, but their inclusion in the book felt entirely natural. I’m a big re-reader and am celebrating the opportunity to have these favorites bound on my bookshelf to refer back to without need of an internet connection (I’m just old fashioned that way).

There is a depth to ‘Missed Her’ that resonated with me and made it impossible to put down until I’d finished it (less than 24 hours after the incident in my laundry room). The stories ranged from deep loss as Ivan wrote through the death of her grandmother and a close friend, to the humorous though poignant looks at what it’s like to transgress gender norms in both urban and rural spaces and the policing of community. As someone who works closely with queer youth, I particularly appreciated Ivan’s accounts of the pleasure of meeting and talking with younger LGBTQ folks. Of course, as a very sappy femme, I adored the sweet stories about her relationship with her partner, and accounts of butch chivalry.

‘Missed Her’ left me cracked open, feeling raw and seen in a way that only the very best books are capable of. It’s an absolute must read for any butch loving femme, any butch, and honestly any queer person.

*Huge huge thanks to the folks at Arsenal for my review copy!

There are few things better for an unemployed book addict than opening your mailbox and finding not one, not two, but THREE review books! 'Orgasmic: erotica for women,' 'Got a minute: 60 second erotica' and 'Lesbian Lust.' A huge thank you to Cleis for the unexpected delivery of sexy smutty books for me to review here at Femmes Guide.

Although all were quite enjoyable by far my favorites of the three were Lesbian Lust edited by Sacchi Green and Got a minute: 60 second erotica edited by Alison Tyler. Though in fairness some of my favoritism may have come from seeing a few friends & colleagues names in the Table of Contents and then being quite smitten when I went and read their stories.

From Lesbian Lust the standout piece for me was absolutely fellow femme Miel Rose’s sexy kink filled ‘August Crazies’ I loved the playfulness in her writing in the first part of the story, and the intensity that wrapped it up.

My favorites form 60 seconds were without a doubt Xan West’s ‘The Test’ and “Alley Obsession’ though neither featured femme characters both very leather Daddy in theme, so quite up my alley. I was also drawn into Jen Cross ‘transformations’ that offered a steamy intimate look into sometime fuck buddy interactions of a butch and femme.

All these books are sure to contain at least one book to get things steamy on these last few days of summer, and keep you cozy as the autumn chill sets in

I'm getting ready to head out to Baltimore's Red Emma bookstore for the Baltimore leg of the touring I'm doing with my anthology Kicked Out

but before I hit the road I wanted to get up a post about Femmepop this great musician who I just recently discovered. Her songs are super fun and very up my i love rock-ish folk music. lots of fun and you should for sure check out her myspace http://www.myspace.com/femmepop

No doubt about it, Tristan Taorino’s new anthology “sometimes she lets me: Best Butch/Femme Erotica” is hot! My review copy came in the mail last Saturday afternoon right as my partner and I were preparing to head to the airport for a much needed vacation----needless to say this made for some very fun airport reading!

I knew ‘sometimes she lets me’ was going to be a winner when I read Tristan’s introduction which succeeds in defining what Butch/Femme means better than anyone I’ve ever seen, and certainly better than I am capable of:

“Butch/femme is bulging jeans, smeared lipstick, stiletto heels, and sharp haircuts. It’s about being read and being seen. Sometimes it’s about passing or not passing. It’s about individual identity and a collective sense of community. It’s personal, political. It’s performance and it’s not. It’s the visceral space between the flesh and the imagination.”

One of the things that I love best about this book are the pieces that don’t turn me on (I know sounds crazy when reviewing an Erotica book). One of the biggest strengths in this book is that the anthology is incredibly diverse, having everything from butch on butch to femme on femme, femme tops, butch bottoms, switching, and of course my personal favorite some hot dominant butch takes submissive femme all thrown into 226 of the hottest pages I’ve read in quite some time.  I adore that the book doesn’t give privilege any one way of negotiating butch & femme identities separately or in relation to each other. Instead, it gives space for the sexy diversity that is our little corner of the queer universe.

The quality of the writing is also superb and contains the work of more than a couple of my favorite writers, with a special shout out to Toni Amato of Write Here, Write Now whose writing blew me away.  This is one of those books that to me goes beyond good one-handed reading (not that there is anything wrong with that) and into the category of great writing.  Butch/femme dynamics are by their nature sexually charged, and so it makes sense that it’s through beautifully crafted explicit sexual writing that we can learn more about ourselves, our dynamics, and our community as a whole.

if you’re a femme author, artist or zinester I’d love to review your work for the site! If you’re interested, please shoot me an email at Sassafras@PoMoFreakshow.com

I was really excited when I was asked if I was interested in reviewing Kink Academy because I’ve been hearing such great things about it from just about every leather person I know! That said, I was also a little skeptical of how much I personally would enjoy the site. I’m incredibly blessed that I have a large social network of kinky leather folks in my life, and I envisioned the site would be much more beneficial or interesting for geographically or socially isolated kinky folks….but I was wrong!

Kink Academy is one of those sites that’s continually growing containing video (my favorites being some by Femmes Guide’s own Lee Harrington), forums and curriculums to implement into your own life.  Kink Academy is without a doubt the sex ed class you didn’t get in school but wish you did! It’s got everything from practical skills for tying someone up, to more abstract concepts like negotiation and the reality of living in full time long term power exchange relationships!

It’s not a free site, but with continually new content by educators whose classes are normally much more expensive than this, the registration fee easily pays for itself, and besides you can access it anytime of day or night which means not having to spend hours agonizing about what to wear to the workshop, and focusing on putting together that perfect outfit for your sexy date!

If you have been reading here for a while you likely know that most of the time I don't spend writing about all things glittery and femme is spent writing about the epidemic of LGBTQ youth homelessness and my experience with it.  Most of you also know that I'm the editor of an anthology that was just released called Kicked Out which has brought together the stories of current and former homeless LGBTQ youth. You can learn more about the book on our website www.KickedOutAnthology.com

This Friday is the NYC release of Kicked Out taking place at The Center and if you are in the city I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see you there!!!! The evening will include readings by Kicked Out Editor Sassafras Lowrey  (that's me!) & Contributors Lucky Michaels, Ksen Pallegedara, Kestryl Cael, and Kay Barrett!!!!

Friday March 19th 7pm @

The Center 208 West 13th Street

Room 310

(of course i still have yet to decide what i'm going to wear!!! a femme can only be so organized :p )