My mother gave me a recipe book including all of my family's favorite dishes as a gift for my graduation from college (last week!). Tonight I made "Spanish Bean Soup" (alternately, Garbanzo/Chickpea Soup) in less than an hour. As I understand it, the soup originated in Tampa at Columbia Restaurant which features Spanish cuisine in a historic building. Their website says that the chef

took the classic cocido madrileno, a boiled Spanish equivalent of French pot-au-feu. Cocido was traditionally served in two steps, first the broth, then the main course of meats, garbanzo, and potatoes. He came up with the idea that all should be served together. That’s what became Spanish Bean Soup. It’s from Tampa. You cannot order Spanish Bean Soup in Spain. They don’t know what it is. Today Spanish Bean Soup is a favorite dish found in all six Columbia Restaurants located in Florida. This was created circa 1910.

As you can see from that link, their recipe is somewhat more complicated than ours, but I think they taste about the same! One ingredient to this recipe that you will likely have to forgo if you do not live in sunny, happy south-central Florida will be the Cuban bread. Ohhh Cuban bread. When Grandma first took me to North Carolina as a 12 year old, I wanted to pick up some Cuban bread while were at the grocery store. "Honey, they don't have Cuban bread here" she said. I was shocked and appalled. My mother and grandmother beg me to bring C bread every time I visit them in North Carolina. It's just that good. Day old french bread will do, but there's nothing like the crunchy on the outside, soft and light on the inside goodness of Cuban bread. Without further adieu, Mom's recipe!

Spanish Bean Soup
2 cans Garbanzos/Chickpeas
1 lg onion cut into one-inch pieces
Potatoes, cut in one-inch pieces (1 large Russet, 3 mediums or 5-6 new)
1 Package chorizo sausage, sliced (includes 2, or Soyrizo for the non-meat eaters)
1 Vigo Yellow Rice Seasoning (a tiny envelope with saffron, paprika, etc)
1 ham slice cut in one-inch pieces (can be omitted or replaced with a meat substitute)
Cuban bread and butter
salt and pepper to taste

Method of Preparation: The fast way!
Use a large pot with lid. Combine all ingredients with a generous covering of water and cook on medium until heated and potatoes are done. Mom says at least one hour, I say cook it on almost-high with PLENTY of water so stuff won't stick to bottom. Don't add too much water or your soup will be all broth.

Method of Preparation: The slow way!
Place all ingredients in a crock pot with water and cook on low for 4-5 hours keeping the liquid at a good soupy level.

Method of Preparation: The extra really slow, but good way!
Use dry garbanzos/chickpeas and soak them in the refrigerator overnight. Drain, then cook in the crock pot all day. She specifies all day otherwise they could be crunchy. Add the potatoes during the last 1-2 hours of cooking so they don't get mushy! Add water if it starts looking like stew instead of soup.

Serve with Cuban bread or toast and butter! Like I said, I made this in a pot on the stove with canned beans in less than one hour - it's a great meal when you're hungry but don't want to eat something overly starchy that came out of a mystery box. Really. And this can totally be frozen in individual portions to take to work for a filling, energizing lunch.

Bon apetit!

Technorati Tags: comfort foods, cooking, food, recipe

I posted this guest post on my blog, Queer Fat Femme, and thought it was super useful for a cross post to the Femmes' Guide. Sort of a "how-to deal with fat haters on craig's list". Enjoy! xoxo, Bevin

The last few weeks I've been scouring the Internet for information on Hegel and his dialectic. His thing was "thesis, antithesis and syntehesis" -- simplified, it's "Problem, Reaction, Solution." Now it is entirely possible that I have this wrong -- I have no seat in the Ivory Tower and Hegel is notoriously complicated. What I offer below is, at best, an over-simplification -- and at worst, a joint misconception, but even if I have but a fraction of the idea, it's worthy of discussion. And it's been enough to piss me off -- which is really all I want to do with you here. I want to piss you off and remind you to ask questions. And maybe entertain you a bit at the end with a poem.

So - there's nothing inherently bad about Hegelian Dialectic on its own, but when applied with forethought and sinister intention, it becomes a powerful tool for manipulation and shady transfers of power. It's impossible to research the Hegelian dialectic without being dragged, wide-eyes unblinking, into the disturbing world of conspiracy theory. The most common Internet example given for understanding Hegel's dialect involves the proposal that 9/11 was an 'inside job.' I'm not really interested in coming off as a crazypants, so I'll choose a less extreme example. It's important, however, to not dismiss this concept because it is, I believe, the foundation on which consumerism stands and is the rot at the root of our social evolution, both individually and as a culture.

Example 1: You are a child, it's X-mas Eve and your mother wants you to go to bed so she can finish putting together your toy bike. She can't tell you this outright or you'll know there's no Santa. In this moment, you have the power. You are young and small, and she could physically force you to go to bed, but that's really no fun for either of you. Barring being hog-tied to your crib, you could also continue to get up and ask for water, you could throw a tantrum, you could be stubborn and willful - to your own detriment, of course, as you wouldn't have the bike in the morning, but no matter - you could definitely make things harder on the both of you. So your Mother wants you to give up your power and do as she wishes. To accomplish this, she applies the Hegelian Dialectic:

"Sweetheart, if you don't go to bed then Santa will not come and you won't get your presents in the morning! He may have already skipped our house!" -- Manufactured Problem.
You, of course, totally freak out, as that's the last thing on earth that you want -- Expected Reaction. (fear)
And then you promptly brush your teeth, put on your PJ's and hop into bed with the blankets over your eyes and don't move a muscle until morning, lest Santa should truly not come. -- Predetermined Solution.

(Should I have put in a Santa spoiler-alert up there?)

So, that's a simple, every-day application of Hegel's dialect. No one was really harmed -- your mom got time to do a kind thing for you, and you got a good night's sleep. Of course, the hours you spent agonizing about whether or not you'd offended Santa were kind of unnecessary, but you still got your bike. As far as shady applications go, that wasn't so bad.

But let's talk about the more subtle and sinister applications that have been eating away at our collective self-esteem for centuries. Let's talk about consumerism -- which is, at its most stripped-raw, the attempted transfer of personal power from the self to the marketplace. Not an objective description, I'll grant you, but frankly -- fuck objectivity about consumerism. Now marketing, in and of itself, isn't inherently a bad thing - just like Hegel's Dialect is not a bad thing by itself. It is the way in which it is applied that determines its merit.

Example 2 is less specific -- but only because it will seem so familiar it hardly needs an introduction. Most marketing systematically seeks to create the PROBLEM (Need to lose weight? Teeth not white enough? Thighs not toned enough? Clothes not hot enough? Skin too wrinkly? Hair not shiny enough?) in order to create fear and insecurity (intended reaction) in order to get the customer to give up their personal power (i.e. confidence/empowerment) and convert their insecurity into a projected *need* for the marketer's product. (the pre-determined solution.)

Simple as that -- Dig a hole, fill it with product.

This is a long-winded way to get to the root of what I want to talk about below -- which is Preference. Personal Preference. And the fact that, in this day and age, I am fairly certain that none of us can be trusted to take our personal preferences at face value, given they have likely been systematically predetermined for us over the entire course of our lifetimes, all the while we are blissfully unaware that what we think we think are thoughts that have mostly been thunk for us. It's not a pretty prospect -- but I don't care how pristine the wall is, if you throw enough crap at it, something will eventually stick.

Lest someone think I take issue with all preferences, let me clarify that the only real problem I have with preference is how much of it goes wholly un-examined. If you dig at the root of your preference and find healthy, sound reasoning that makes sense and works for you -- go for it. But I believe that we must regard many of our likes and dislikes with suspicion -- and that the only way to step out of this rather sinister trifecta employed by those who would have us salivating like pavlovian puppies at the sound of a commercial break is to be empowered, aware and conscious consumers -- in all markets (tangible and not.)

This thought process brought me to the following, admittedly self-serving, poem -- which joyfully employs a trite rhyming convention to illustrate why I hate surfing Craigslist.

Let's talk about HWP. You craigslist junkies will likely know what this means, but for those who haven't had the pleasure, I'll expand the acronym. HWP = Height/Weight Proportionate. In other words, it's a socially acceptable way to say "No Fatties."

Now I'm recently un-coupled, and while not ready yet to date,
Just the fact of being single puts this dogma on my plate -
Checking ads to see what's out there, just in case I get a whim,
I am struck by how the margin of acceptance is so slim.

Your weight must be exactly in proportion to your height?
Height of what, I ask you? Of severity? Of might?
Is my height of intellect proportionate in measure,
to the weight of skills I have in giving lover's pleasure?

You see, Hegel may have called it out inside his dialectic:
predetermined outcomes based on formulated rhetoric.
But so subtle are the ways in which our views are formed and guided,
that often we believe they're things we consciously decided.

I think nurture plays as big a role as nature in this game,
Nature being who we are, and Nurture; what's to blame.
The thing we need remember is that even truth's subjective;
opinions hardened into 'fact' by vote of the collective.

Let's apply this logic, now, to beauty as a construct,
adherence to its rules; a voluntary code of conduct -
What if we were all to truly give ourselves permission,
to overwrite the jargon with our own new definition?

I offer, not as judgment, but as simple point of reference
that intolerance is often found beneath the guise of preference -
And if we are to bring about our social evolution,
questions, more than answers, will determine our solution.

Why is it I feel the way I feel about this thing?
Who is it that taught me - and what value does it bring?
Your conclusion, it may ultimately place you where you started -
What matters is the fact that you explored the paths uncharted.

I invite you, gentle people, with the best of your intention,
To take into your world a brand new sense of intervention;
To never take on faith the things you're taught you should believe,
'Cuz truth is seldom simple as our messy hearts perceive.

©2009 - Stacy M. Bias

Stacy Bias is a fat, queer femme dyke activist, educator and entrepreneur, nesting in the happy belly of the Portland, Oregon. As Bevin says, "Portland loves a fatty," but even here we have borders to push. Stacy's activist projects can be found at stacybias.net and her attempt to leave her day job can be found here: taproothosting.com

Technorati Tags: Bevin Branlandingham, clothes, craigs list, femme, hegel, poetry, queer, stacy bias

Whenever I mention I am going to make curry bake on twitter I always have people asking me about what's in it and how to make it, especially after I made it for Kyle and he raved about it on his blog (it may be the cure to hangovers according to him).

The sauce is rich, thick, flavorful, and creamy. The vegetables perfectly paired and the cheese adds a strange but delicious accent to the already delicious curry. It is one of our comfort foods and perfect for a casual or fancy dinner at home, to make for one, two, many, or to take to a potluck and, of course, the more you make the more meals you can enjoy it for. It doesn't usually last long in our house, though.

It's really very simple, the recipe is one I got from a very dear friend and have made it many times over the last few years. Both my partner Onyx and I are big fans of curry and this is our favorite home-made curry dish.

The only problem with sharing the recipe is that I don't measure the ingredients! I put in enough veggies and quorn to fill the dish, make enough sauce to coat it all, and flavor the sauce to taste, so this will be less precise cooking and more whatever works for you. It's easy to add things like different veggies I haven't listed, I sometimes include zucchini for example, or you could omit something that you don't like.

Ingredients:
1/2 a Yellow Onion
Broccoli
Cauliflower
Potatoes (red, yellow, and gold - or whatever you prefer)
Quorn Chicken Tenders (real chicken would probably work fine, though I've never made it with it and you might then want to cook it first?)
1 can Coconut Milk
1 to 2 cups vegenaise
Curry Powder
Salt and pepper
Cheese

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

In a large baking dish (I usually use a 13 x 9 x 2 glass/pyrex dish) combine veggies cut into small pieces and frozen quorn chicken, approximately equal amounts of chicken, broccoli, cauliflower, and potatoes though you can add more/less of some if you wish. I usually use a somewhat equal amount of red, yellow, and gold potatoes with skins for added color, usually one or two each depending on how big they are.

In a bowl combine can of coconut milk with vegenaise and whisk to combine. Mixture should be fairly thick. Vegenaise encourages the sauce to thicken when baked, though I'm unsure what could be substituted for vegenaise.

Add curry powder, salt, and pepper to coconut milk/vegenaise mixture to taste. I use approximately 1 1/2 or 2 tablespoons of curry powder and a dash of salt and pepper. The more curry powder used the stronger it will taste, obviously. Can also add garam masala, garlic powder, or some cayenne pepper to give it a bit of kick. The flavor is completely up to you, so I suggest you play around with it.

Cover veggies and etc. with the curry powder sauce, stirring once to be sure to coat everything.

Bake in 400 degree oven for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes stir it carefully and test potatoes for firmness. Cook until potatoes are done or easily pierced with a fork (usually about 15 minutes longer).

Cover with a sprinkling of cheese, I usually use cheddar or a cheddar/pepperjack mixture from Tillamook. Wait for it to cool a little, and enjoy!

This recipe can easily be made vegan by omitting the cheese and quorn chicken (has rehydrated egg white in it) or using vegan cheese.

-Scarlet Lotus

Technorati Tags: baking, comfort foods, cooking, culinary comfort, curry, edible alchemy, femme, food, home, recipe

It's true. As much as we love our panties. Sometimes we have to prune our collection of panties so that we can only showcase our very best asset in its very best clothes. That is, if we must cover it at all!

Last week... no, make that for the past two months... I've been on a cleaning, de-cluttering, organizing rampage. You wouldn't know it from the looks of my house, but I work slow, okay. Just because I work slow doesn't mean I'm not getting anything done! I went through my panties for the first time in over a year to take out the ones that are no good. So, here are some rules for thinning the crops!

1. Follow FlyLady's number one rule: If you don't love it, need it, or use it - let it go! Whether that means you send it to the donation truck, the garbage truck, or give it your best friend who stopped in for a cup of tea, just do it!

2. If it has any holes in it that are not supposed to be there, put it in the trash! No holey underwear is sexy! I can understand if it's your favorite period underwear and they're so comfy and you can't bear to get rid of them, but you have to really love them to not get rid of holey panties.

3. If they are tighty whiteys, they were not meant for your fancy ass in the first place. Unless you plan to tie-dye them into fabulosity, these have got to go! There are lots of affordable alternatives to these saggy bottom, tight elastic, weak seam excuses for panties.

4. If your panties came in a 3, 5, or 7 pack from Big Mart more than six months ago, give them a big fat kiss goodbye. These aren't good quality panties anyway and you've probably worn them too thin to do much good!

5. Stained panties. This is going to be controversial. Regardless of whether it was a drink you spilled in your lap, or some other unfortunate spillage, if there are stains on your panties, this will never do. Trust me, I know it's hard  to keep this kind of thing from happening, and it's even harder to clean them afterward! Anything with a stain that won't come out goes in the pile.

6. If you can see through your panties in places where you couldn't see through them before, this is considered "normal wear and tear" for tighty whiteys and multi-pack underwear. Soon, these sheer spots will become gaping holes. Lose them before they lose you!

7. Sometimes only you can know if you have had your underwear for too long. So think back to when you bought them. Have they been in your collection for a year? Three years? Five? Even you feel they have held up well enough, if they are getting old, if the colors are fading, if they've been discolored from other garments in the wash, etc, release them from the drawer. One bad apple spoils the whole bag!

8. Fit. It's reasonable to suggest that underwear may stretch and grow with the wearer during changes in body shape or size. If any pair of underwear is too big or too small, it's no use pulling it up all the time, or picking it out of your butt or other embarrassing places! Bless someone else with panties that are otherwise nice enough, instead of worrying about your ass cleavage showing all day. (And while you're at it, love yourself at whatever size you are!)

9. A word about elastic. While underwear generally have elastic waists these days, (after all, they did away with drawstring undergarments a century or two ago...) it is important to ensure that all of the elastic waistlines (or leg openings, if applicable) are securely attached to the fabric, and have kept their original coloring. Additionally, please tug on the elastic a little bit to see if it crackles - that's a big sign that your panty has kicked the bucket.

10. Last but not least, if your ex bought these underwear for you, put them on the midnight train to Georgia! Don't come back now, y'hear?

I hope I have inspired you to only have fabulous underwear! It always makes me happy to get rid of the things that are weighing me down.

Technorati Tags: body, clothes, femmes, panties, size

Knitting is not just for femmes and girls! Anyone can be a knitter, all you have to be is willing to try, humble enough to be taught, and not worried about making mistakes. Get your needles ready, and let's go change the world, one scarf at a time!

Step One: Meet a Knitter: This may be the hardest step, but it is the a crucial one, because that person will be your tour guide into the awesome world of knitting. As I mentioned previously, knitting is a social art that almost requires the presence of other people. It's like drinking alcohol - you should never do it alone! I've tried and tried to learn to crochet by reading a book, or listening to someone explain the process, and that didn't work at all. Unless you are fabulously amazing (and you very well may be), you will need the help of a real live person.

Step Two: Watch Your Knitter: I found that being able to see a real live person knitting helped me figure it out once the needles were in my hands. Watch your knitter as they show you how to make a knit stitch in slow motion. Ask them to pause, rewind, or fast-forward as you start to see where the fingers, needles, and yarn are going. You might need to repeat Step Two after you get started on Step Three, and don't feel bad about it, either! You're learning!

Step Three: Try it Yourself: Next, it is important to try it out for yourself. You're not going to get it right the first time, and you might even need your knitter to speak the instructions to you as you are moving the instruments (this was a big help to me). If you find it awkward at first, be aware that there is more than one way to knit, so you can switch to a different method later, after you get used to your knitter's method.

Step Four: Find a Knitting Circle: You should have no trouble finding one, and even if it is full of old ladies, give it a fair try of one or two meetings. Knitting (or crocheting) with other people is actually the best part of being able to participate in this craft! Your knitter from Step One should know. If they were willing and excited to teach you, that person is called a knitting evangelist! Even if there is no knitting circle to begin with, that person will teach a bunch of people knit, and before you know it, you'll be sipping, stitching, and bitching together! Also, I'd say teaching people to knit is feminist activism.

Step Five: Get Good Needles and Yarn: In search of good needles, look no further than your local yarn shop. You can google "knitting supplies in [your town]" and even if you live somewhere rural, I would imagine there will always be someone who is passionate enough about fiber arts to have a store not too far away. I put this part at the end of your tutorial because if you find that you don't like it as much as you thought, you haven't yet wasted any money on it. If you truly cannot find a good needle store, you can go to http://www.knitting-warehouse.com/ and get yarns, needles, and pretty much anything you need! I have definitely enjoyed having Addi Turbo's, if you can afford them, you'll be doing yourself a favor. As much as you may be tempted to march yourself over to Wal-Mart, please be very selective about the type of yarn/needles that you buy! Red Heart is nobody's favorite yarn, and Boye needles/hooks are very awkward to work with. I have found that the evil place (Wal-Mart) carries Simply Soft Eco by Caron yarns is actually very soft, and includes 20% post consumer recycled material so you're making something with your hands, and hopefully doing something good for the environment at the same time!

Are you ready to start a revolution with yarn and sticks? I am!

Technorati Tags: art, Craft, feminist activism

Sometimes we need to nurture, comfort and care for ourselves if we hope to serve the world to our fullest.  A lot of femmes I meet seem to fogret this fact- we are the lover, parents, warriors and poets upon whom Atlas' load is balanced.  Without us the world would crumble and fall, without us we have this feeling the turning would stop and gravity would let everything we care about fly away into the ether.

One of my comfort foods is what I have deemed Comfort Garlic Toast.  I have made variatons of it since I was a child.  Powdered garlic, shredded cheddar and cheap bread were all it took for my mother to make me smile on a day someone had been mean to me or when I'd not aced a test.  But I've grown up and the idea of a pool of cheddar grease leaves me wanting.  This is my version of this treat and sometimes side dish to italian, french, or american cuisine... with a bit of grown up and a lot of childhood memory.

Ingredients needed for this recipe:

- 3/4 stick of butter (or an equivalant of margerine for my femme allies on a diet)

-5 cloves of garlic

-Italian spice blend (there are tons of great options out there)

-A few slices of wheat bread (or some other healthy-ish bread... the more texture the better in my opinion)

-12 minutes (20 for me, see below)

-Shredded Asiago Cheese (I get mine at Fresh&Easy in a round tub and keep in my fridge to use as a condiment; Parmesean, Romano, or other hard cheeses will also work, and for the flavor adventurous, you can use a blue crumble cheese or feta but use less garlic in my opinion).

-Cutting board

-Paring knife (this all black one was a recent gift from my mother as part of my housewarming package)

-A happy thought somewhere in your heart

Pour yourself something to drink that makes you smile.  I chose to make mint drinking chocolate using nonfat milk, and my lips, tongue and belly was delighted.

Remove butter from the fridge, and cut it into cubes, tossing it into a microwavable coffee mug.  Mine matched the one I was drinking choclate from, another thing to make me smile   Brek it up with a butter knife a bit, venting agression stored in your muscles, then set it in the microwave.  Hit the "Express" button twice, totalling 1 minute on 80% or so.  Check consistency.  Can you push the butter around without it being runny?  Perfect.  If your microwave runs hot, then do 30 seconds, check, etc.

Once the butter is pliable, grab the garlic and do not despair on how to peel it.  Schuck off the obvious dead stuff that you see in the top right of this image- the part where the tendrils and roots ran into the ground.  This was once a flowering plant, and you are eating its bulb. By consuming bulbs we are absorbing the potential to be flowering beings ourselves, harnessing our ability to grow by spreading roots between our friends and loved ones, and reading towards the skies to show our potential.  We become grounded in the bulb inside us, and for this we celebrate.  So pull off the tendril sction with your thumb, having the individual cloves fall away- or cheat!  Take the paring knife and just cut it off!  That will remove the hard section from the bottom part of each clove, and take some of the skin away with it.  Instead of fiddling with each piece, you can expose their naked pearls in one speed-strip.

Look at how cute they are as bottomless.  Bottomless and ready to be consumed, or bottomless potential... either way.  Both are very sexy.

Now pick up a clove, and either slide the tip of the paring knifein the space between the dead skin and the pearly white beneath- or if you are rocking long nails, that is even better.  Slide in slowly, then twist- the skin pops away... about half the time.  To gaurantee it, use a meat tenderizer to help separate the skin, but if you are lazy, just try again on the other side.

You now have naked pearls of garlic, and your kitchen is smelling of your endeavors.  Remember the last time you had a good date at an italian restraunt.  Remember the taste of marinara or alfredo sauce.  Remeber the love that goes into hand-pressing olive oil, and the love you are pouring into your own creation.  Now to mince! Start by lining up each clove one after another and slice them thin.  Do all of them.  By turning it into a repetitive motion you save time and are more likely to create something consistent.

Look down and *look*.  Snowflakes each.  You can stop here if you like huge chunks of garlic, but most folks prefer smaller pieces.  ow we go from slicing to mincing.  Put all of the sliced garlic in a pile and begin doing downward pressure strokes with the whole knife at one time.  One hand is on the handle, and the thumb and index finger on your other hand are holding the tip.  Lift together, push down together.  Note the line created.  Repeat.  Over and over and over again.  Every 10-20 strokes, wipe off the blade, pile it all back up, rotate the cutting board one quarter, and do it again.  Keep repeating until you are happy or have totally tranced out and snap back when the song on the iPod changes.

Add minced garlic to the coffee cup of butter.  Mix with the butter knife.  Knock over your beverage.  (Optional).  Curse yourself loudly at having forgotten it was there and reach for kitchen towels to start mopping thedrinking choclate off of your foot, the floor, the counter, the cutting board.  Throw it all in the sink and be annoyed for a moment until you realize it is an opportunity for self-compassion.  Shit happens.  Dishes are washable, kitchen towels cleanable, and there are worse things for your floor to smell like.  Fess up to yourself that you were daydreaming about the guy you played with last night who was really hot who you'd had a minor crush on for years.  Shake head in amusement and move on.

Add two large pinches of shredded cheese to the mix.  Blend.  Close tub quickly for fear of dumping it over too.  Open up mixed italian seasoning, turn it over the coffee cup, and pat it 6 or 7 times like it was being lightly spanked.  Blend.  If it doesn't look like enough of either, add more to your taste, but this is usually about right.  Set seasoning down to put lid on it an note that the top looks like a flower, a reoccuring universal theme from this toast lesson, and meditate on it.

Blend one last time and the start buttering toast with the mixture you have created.  Not too much, but enough to cover the whole piece of whole wheat.  Note the connection between whole piece and whole wheat, and reflect on how whole you are being in your life.

Turn on your oven to Broil (and Broil on the other dial- make sure it says so on both lest your stove get confused and look at you funny).  Set the buttered bread on the rack not on the very top rack slot possible but one down from there.  Push the rack in and laugh about the word "Rack".  Close door to oven 75% but not all the way.   Wait 2 minutes and peek because you're nosy.  Shake head at dishes and decide to do them a bit later.  Come back a minute or so later.  Remove when it looks perfet to you.

Put on a plate.  Serve.  Love yourself.  Sit down and enjoy.  Put the leftovers in a tupperwre and store in the fridge for easy comfort a few days from now.  Feel free to double the batch or triple it for speed comfort for the coming weeks

If you are not craving garlic, consider replacing the garlic with 1/3 of a tart apple (Granny Smith works well) or pear, the cheese with shredded coconut, and the italian seasonings with cinnamon-sugar.  Its a really great dessert for folks on a budget.

Enjoy the Alchemy.  May the Philosopher Stone of your life unfold before you, and may you enjoy the journey, and the matching flaatware, along the way!

Technorati Tags: cooking, DIY, edible alchemy, how-to, meditation

I love red lipstick. Red lipstick makes a statement. It is not unlike a killer pair of stilettos in that it perfectly highlights hyperfeminity and sexuality. I once heard that people who wear red lipstick smile more. And, while I don’t know if that is true or not, I do know that wearing red lipstick does make you more aware of yourself and your response to others.

For instance, just do a search on “wearing red lipstick” and you will find a long list of people remarking on their relationship with their red lipstick. How it impacts their days, how it changes their mindsets, and how it makes them feel about themselves. Because, you see, red lipstick is the kind of thing with which you actually have a relationship. Women claim that it makes them stand up straighter, smile more, feel sexier, cause people to be friendly, etc. etc. Some even claim to garner more attention just for the wearing of it.

And, while I do believe that red lipstick can cause others to treat you differently, because nearly anything has that power, I believe that red lipstick has the power to make you feel differently about yourself. From the moment I slather mine on in the morning I feel “dressed.” I am hyper aware of myself. No matter what I am doing I instantly feel more glamorous. There is no denying that red lipstick is dead sexy. Imagine feeling sexy while doing the laundry! Red lipstick has the power to do this!

If you wear it every day, as I do, you become known for it. And. . .People like it. Red lipstick does garner attention, and you have to be willing to weather that in order to wear it. Confidence is key. And, you know, the odd thing is, when I am wearing my red lipstick, I feel more confident already! Red lippy dresses up any outfit. A t-shirt and jeans can somehow become more when you throw red lipstick into the mix.

I’ve spent a good deal of time finding the perfect red. Not too gothic appearing (I’m really pale), not too orange, not too magenta, not too brown. A perfect red is a lifetime quest, and one I am happy to undergo. Often when I reveal my color of choice to someone asking about my lip color they will say: “But, I just can’t wear red.” And, to that I must say: “Everyone can wear red, the key is finding the right red for you!” The key is to find a red with the right undertones for your skin color. I prefer dark wine colored reds and reds with bluish undertones because they look best against my pale skin. The best tip I can give is think about what color clothing looks best on you and look for a red with that same undertone. You are bound to find something in that particular red family that will look D-Vine on you.

Red lipstick requires a lot of maintenance and a certain degree of etiquette to ensure happy wear. I don’t like to wear lip liner with my red, because I talk a lot for my work and I don’t like that rimmed look that happens as the red wears away. But, I’ve heard of a lot of red wearers who swear by a good lip pencil. Incidentally, due to the fact I wear my red lipstick off so fast, I like long-lasting lipsticks. The only rub with long-lasting lipsticks is that you tend to want to re-apply before the color has fully worn off in an attempt to re-moisturize your lips. But, when you do this, you are actually applying another layer of color, and, in long-lasting lipsticks, this actually darkens the color. So, what begins as a nice red lipstick can end up looking very vampy. If vamp is what you are going for this is perfect, but if you were attempting to achieve something else you may want to be on alert when using long-lasting lipsticks. So, when I want to re-apply a long-lasting lipstick, I rub off the remaining color before I re-apply. Oddly enough, I’m not a huge fan of the semi-permanent lipsticks. They tend to dry-out lips, they don’t layer well with other lipsticks, if you don’t’ keep on gloss the color will actually chip off in a gross manner, and isn’t it just a little creepy that they require a strong cleanser just to fully come off. Additionally, if you miss-apply, you have to get out a make-up remover just to remedy the situation. I find the only time I am a fan of semi-permanent lip color is for an event wherein I know I won’t have an opportunity to check up on my lip color

Red lipstick rubs off on stuff; it is part of its nature. Long-lasting lipsticks prevent this to some extent, but not fully. If you’re going to wear red, you really, really, really must be aware of this. If you touch your lips you run the risk of smearing red across your face. You can also rub the lippy off onto your fingers and then stain the things you touch. And, when you hug people you have to remember to gently turn your head slightly so as to not bury the lipstick into their clothing. If you have a penchant for getting lipstick on your teeth, red can be particularly noticeable. It is best to always keep a small mirror in your bag or on your person when you red wear for touch-ups and clean-ups. Another must-have is a small box of tissues for clean-up and for removal. When dining-out red lipstick can be a bit of challenge. The lipstick can leave un-classy looking stains on the sides of wine glasses and cups. And, the last thing you want to do is wipe your lips off while dabbing way a yummy bit of food and in doing so permanently stain the napkin red. I like to keep a little packet of tissues in my bag for discreetly wiping away my lipstick before I begin dining.

I’ve got a long list of favorite brands and types of red lipstick. And, I’ve found the best way to wear a red is to blend to achieve the perfect tone. Often, I’ll lay on long-lasting lipstick under a more moisturizing red for a really rich glamorous look. My long-lasting lipstick favorites are Loreal Endless Lipstick in ‘Fired Up” and Revlon ColorStay Lipcolor in “Fabulous Fig.” Both of these are great formulas that aren’t too drying and really wear very well. Usually, I will put on one on these just perfectly, and then smear on a more basic red lip color (and rather than re-apply the long-lasting lipstick, I’ll just keep smearing on more basic red lip color as the day continues). One of my favorite basic lipsticks is MaxFactor Color Perfection in #295 Sepia. I’ve been wearing this color since high school, buy it in bulk, and quite literally have a tube stashed everywhere. My other favorite basic red lipsticks are: Origins Flower Fusion in ‘Poppy,’ and Bobbi Brown Lipcolor in ‘Burnt Red.’

You will rarely see me without my red lipstick. I like the way I see myself when I wear red lipstick. I feel more glamorous, femme, ladylike, vixenish, happier, charming, and more like me through the wearing of it. Bottom line, red lipstick is just amazing.

Technorati Tags: Ms. Hinterland, Reviews

I personally believe that cooking is more than an act that enables us to feed our bodies. It nourishes our souls, allows us to offer love to our partners, connect with our friends, and dance in the decadence between the bites. We are questing magi with olive oil and garlic in hand, shamans armed with flour and nutmeg to ward off angry spirits.

Thus I believe in the art of edible alchemy. We have the power to transform base ingredients to a higher purpose, and in my recipes I prefer to thus share more than the ingredients that went in. This first recipe in the Edible Alchemy series thus came to me when given an opportunity to sustain the lives, friendships and joys of friends and more of mine in Maine.

Needed for this recipe:

• 30 minutes (or an hour if you will be reading a book or simultaneously dealing with email while doing the initial food prep)

• 3 people whose hearts and lives you want to feed (hopefully including yourself)

• 6 asparagus stalks (7 if one of them reminds you of an ex-boyfriend that you once had back in London... long, hard, straight...)

• 3 slices of smoked bacon (best if obtained from a corner shop where people know your name, and if not possible, drooled over for a few days so that the potency of your desire for more tasty bacon is boiling in your blood)

• 6 eggs from happy chickens

• One tomato

• A handful of cilantro

• Bag of mixed spring greens

• Sourdough bread leftover from last night's feasting

• Parmesean cheese

• 3 splashes of milk

• Olive oil

• Applewood smoked sea salt

• Cracked black pepper

• 2 cloves fresh garlic

• One nonstick saucepan

• One nonstick frying pan with lid

• One mixing bowl

• One garlic press

• One slotted wood spoon

• One whisk

• One flipper/turner

• a heap of love and sense of humor

Wander into the kitchen while your friends who have been hosting you for the week are upstairs packing their bag for the conference you are all heading towards. It is best if you packed your bags the night before so that after breakfast you can do the dishes and they can continue their panic with full bellies and full hearts. Once in the kitchen get yourself a beverage of your choice (I recommend Moroccan mint tea) and take a deep breath. Absorb one last day in their space and say a prayer under your breath for coming back to Maine and visiting them again. Obviously, if you are not in Maine, insert a location that gives you pleasure... especially if it is your own home- for our own homes should give us pleasure.

Clear off the food prep space and set dirty dishes in the sink to do later. Or do them now, but if so, adjust cooking time above. Run your fingers over the wood cutting board and thank the tree that gave its life as you set out your ingredients and begin your work.

Cut the bacon into small chunks. Bite-size or smaller. This is an art, not a science. As it sticks to your fingers laugh under your breath at the voices upstairs asking where the books that need to be taken were stored. Peel the garlic and set them aside.

Heat up the saucepan with some drizzled olive oil in it to some middle temperate and be amazed at how nifty their flat topped stove is. Press the garlic into the heated oil and mix it around with the wood spoon, being delighted as the garlic hits your nose and the folks upstairs proclaim “yum” within seconds of oil and garlic sensually embracing each other in the pan. Toss in the bacon once the garlic is tan like the girl you had that secret crush on back in Austin. Enjoy the crackle of their threesome, stirring regularly.

While the bacon crisps, start cutting up the asparagus into chunks that make you happy. Be amused about the one that looks like your ex boyfriend. Cut it up anyway. Toss it in with the bacon/olive oil/garlic to create an orgy for the senses.

Put a lid on it, adding a splash of water as you do so to help steam the asparagus while it fries. Keep the eyes on the back of your head on it to make sure nothing sticks or burns to the saucepan... you will have to use that spoon and mix it up from time to time.

Slice up the tomato. Rinse and mince up the handful of cilantro. Slice the 3 pieces of bread from the sourdough round and set these all aside. Check on the orgy.

In the mixing bowl, crack two eggs and add a splash of milk. Make cute patterns in the milk if it makes you happy.

The add some flavored salt. I prefer the Applewood Smoked Salt, but any flavorful smoky salt will work. Brands I enjoy include Artisan Salt Company in Washington and Auntie Arwen's in Connecticut.

Whisk with abandon. Take the orgy off of heat and let it lay in its own afterglow.

Heat up the frying pan to medium heat. Pour in the egg mixture so that it is even across the base. Let it bubble a bit. Put some water in the edge of the lid (not much at all) then pour it slowly down the side of the pan and quickly put the lid on top. This steams the eggs.

Once the eggs look firm, Take the slotted wood spoon (to drain off the oil) and take about a third of the asparagus bacon mix to put on the left side (right side if a lefty) of the omelet. Add a few pinches of cilantro. Add some slices of tomato. Add some Parmesan cheese. Take a picture (optional).

Grab the flipper and slowly slip it under one side, make an offering to the universe to have this go well, and fold the omelet. I tend to break one out of five or so... so have the broken one be yours when you sit down to eat. Its just as tasty.

Lay out your plates, put on a handful of salad on each, and slide the first omelet onto the first plate. Accidentally drop the bag of salad as you try to put it back in the fridge and have the dogs descent upon it all. This is of course when one of your hosts will come in and let out a howling laughter at it all. Curse it all and ask him to grab a broom. While you repeat the omelet making steps above (minus dropping the salad as that is all done)- bowl, whisk, pour, steam, layer, fold, plate- let him know that its his job to make coffee if the house wants it as he has the coffee magic. Put laughter in kitchen on repeat.

Plate the 2^nd and 3^rd omelets. While the 3^rd one is steaming, throw the bread in the toaster. Set the flavored salt and the pepper on the table and do other table prep. Tell everyone that food is served in 1 minute. Correct yourself and say 2 minutes.

Tell them out loud how much they mean to you. Smile and consume each others joy between bites of asparagus bacon omelet. Leave with a full belly and a full heart.

Technorati Tags: cooking, DIY, edible alchemy, home, how-to, meditation, recipe

I’ll be honest. When it comes to office related holiday celebrations, I am the ultimate Scrooge. I don’t like the idea of forcibly using time off to celebrate something with people with whom I may or may not wish to socialize. And, I hate the idea of office gift-exchanges at these parties. You know, the one where you purchase some small, dinky gift, usually for under $10, and you may or may not play a game to receive a gift. Ugh. None of that sounds like fun to me. If I am friends or friendly with my coworkers, then I will find time to spend with them; I don’t need some lame excuse for a celebration. I don’t want to purchase some trinky little gift to hand out, when I already make/give small gifts for the people I am friends with at work. And, I know it is only $10. . . But, what a waste! I deplore the idea of wasting $10 on some worthless little item that won’t even be liked/used by the person who receives it. That $10 could be used on my laundry, groceries, towards new shoes, new sheets, or even towards a real gift. I don’t want to waste it.

But, I do like to have a good attitude and none of the above is really conducive with ‘good attitude.’

So, here is my “Down and Dirty, Super Cheap, Easy and Fast to Make, Holiday Office Party Gift.”

The Dammit Doll.

A Dammit Doll is basically some doll-like creation that your co-worker can bang/destroy/abuse as he/she/ze sees fit. Everyone needs to torture something sometimes? Right?

Now, the point here is to spend as little money as possible. So, repurpose materials around your house. Use an old (clean) T-shirt etc. etc. etc. Do not go out and spend money on this creation.

You will need:

-Some kind of fabric (hello white felt from the scrap pile)

-Embroidery thread (but you know, you could even just write the stuff on in marker)

-Needle (only if you are not using marker)

-Cording (ribbon, lace, rope, shoelaces etc.)

-marker

-scissors

-something to stuff the doll with (polyfil, dried beans, rice, stuffing from an old pillow)

-plastic bag for presentation (cute container etc.)

-paper (if you want to make a cute tag etc.)

Step 1

Use the template below. Copy the dammit doll shape onto your fabric with marker.

Step 2

Use whatever color thread you choose (marker color if you are writing this on) and split stitch (I did a how-to on split stitch here, but you can click on the 'split stitch' hyperlink for another tutorial) around the body shape

Step 3

Use another color thread (or the same one) to split stitch the face on

Step 4

I used red to satin stitch a heart on my dammit doll. But, this is totally optional. If you do not know how/do not want to satin stitch, then you could just split stitch the shape of the heart.

Step 5

Draw an oval around the dammit doll

Step 6

Cut out the dammit doll along the oval shape. Place the cut out doll on top of another piece of fabric (can be the same color or not) and cut out a second oval

Step 7

Get your ribbon/cording/shoelace

Step 8

Sew your ribbon/cording/shoelace onto one edge of the dammit doll. No one will see these stitches, so it doesn’t matter what color they are, or how nice they look. The long part of the cording should be on the front of the doll

Step 9

Pin the doll and the second piece of oval together so that the front of the doll faces inward. Make sure all of your ribbon is on the inward side as well

Step 10

Stitch around the edges of the oval. Leave a small space un-stitched so you will be able to turn your doll right-side out

Step 11

Turn your doll right-side out

Step 12

Stuff your doll

Step 13

Sew the small hole in the side of the doll shut. Yay! You have a cute, complete, super-cheap, dammit doll

Step 14

Modify this poem to suit your tastes:

Whenever things don't go so well...
And you want to hit the wall and yell...
Here's a little dammit doll
That you can't do without.
Just grasp it firmly by the legs
And find a place to slam it
And as you whack the stuffing out
Yell, "DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!"

Step 15

Put the dammit doll and poem in the plastic bag (container) and maybe make a little label. I sweetly asked food service for one of those clear plastic boxes. I also added pins for a "voodoo doll " effect.

Step 16

Done! A cute, sweet, thoughtful, and very cheap office party gift! Enjoy!

I haven't blogged at the Femme's Guide in awhile and I apologize for that...life got a little too intense and the fallout from that has caused weeks to slip by unnoticed. I woke from my funk when a friend asked the other day if I was "ready for the holidays?"

Holidays?
From my fog, I repeated the question...Holidays?...and then I had that "oh shit" moment. Yeah, holidays...as in, I hadn't shopped, hadn't decorated, and hadn't planned any parties.

Now, I can honestly say that as a writer, I have often lost track of time...not quite dementia...but pretty damn close. It's just the strange reality that I live in...I'm here, I'm not; I'm me, I'm someone else for awhile (being a fictional character for awhile can be quite liberating by the way.) It can also be a marvelous escape when life is getting a little too insane and too hectic, which mine was...

So, now, I'm back and in horror realized that not only is it seven days until Yule and ten until Christmas...and I am totally out of time. Last night I cleaned, decorated, made a shopping lists (presents, grocery and spirits) until the wee hours of what is today. My teenage daughter (who is 17 and referred to on all my blogs as Beautiful Girl) was wide eyed and thrilled. She knew at some point the decorations would go up but she's also learned that the current Work-In-Progress must be completed first (it isn't but I'm hopeful to have it submitted to my editor by December 31st.) My husband doesn't understand the panic...he doesn't see the reason for all the hoopla...(he was christened "Sir Hotness" on a blog two years ago by a reader...and much to his chagrin, the name has stuck.)

So Sir Hotness and Beautiful Girl watched as a whirlwind transformed our normally cluttered living room into a magic winter wonderland.

Later, Sir Hotness asked, "Why?" as in, "Why the panic?" And I explained that we are nothing without our rituals (traditions) because they bring order, peace, and magic to our lives...and even though he understands that...he still doesn't understand my panic.

I think a lot of my angst comes from being raised by a Betty-Crocker mom, who even though it was the seventies, approached her home and family duties as if it was still 1954. She wore a frilly apron in the kitchen that coordinated with the seasons and holidays as they came and went. She cooked real food, not from a box or microwave every meal. And there is no level of household cleaning that could stand up to her level of clean so I've never bothered trying...lol...but honestly, my life and my lifestyle don't demand it; however, the holidays do. Is that insane? Try explaining it to a husband who really enjoys his laid-back wife.

Our conversation really opened my eyes to a few things...

I miss the big family get-togethers of my youth where grandparents, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins all gathered...and I try to recreate that insanity with family/friend gatherings. There is just something about having a house full of people with little in common...the catching up from year to year...the noisy chatter! I miss my cousin Mark...the first man I had ever heard called "gay" and not knowing what that meant, only that the older adults talked about him in hushed tones...and then one year another cousin explained to me what "gay" meant...and I managed to silence the table when I asked if Aunt Laura was "gay" too...I might have been young, but Aunt Laura stood out as a fairly "different" kind of girl...she was a Marine, she cussed in public...and she never married.

Isn't it funny the stuff that stands out from the past?

What we remember? What we choose to forget?

Now, it seems surreal that my oldest daughter tells her babies that they are going to grandma's house...and that is ME! I'm too young to be a matriarch...and what does that mean anyway? In part I think it means that I am the keeper of traditions...the person who reminds everyone else...of the way it used to be. I realized that I am the only living person who knows who my mother was...her family tree...her stories...I need to write things down, find old pictures, and put it together...a scrapbook for each daughter...and that seems like a very big job...not one I'll complete by this Yule...but hopefully for next Yule. But this year, I can share a story or two because it's important that my daughters and granddaughters know where the "holiday plates" and "good silver" came from (my great-grandmother's who used good china and silver for every meal)...and why I drag out the antique stuff for the holidays and no other time...maybe it's important to know that the butterscotch pie made for Christmas dinner is the same recipe passed from her as well...and that her "English name" was Sarah...and that her Cherokee name was lost with the passage of time....

I love butterscotch pie.

Have you ever tried to find butterscotch pie around town? No one makes it. Hardly anyone has ever heard of it. Butterscotch pie was the most important pie during the holiday...trumping the more standard pumpkin, sweet potatoe, or pecan...

My mother would always get mad at my grandmother for indulging me with a slice still warm from the oven (because it hadn't "set" properly and the filling would run...supposedly ruining the pie...Yes, I was a little spoiled...and yes, I cut that first piece for myself sometimes, while it is hot...and watch the filling run into the empty space...not because I'm spoiling myself, but to remember my mother's voice...and that of my grandmother's...

I don't know if it all matters or not, but for right now, for me, having recently left the fog of my other fictional world, it seems I should be doing something to keep established family traditions rooted in the minds of my daughters, while keeping the rituals we've created together in place as well...

To all of you, who have read to the bottom of this post, I wish you Happy Holidays...

And I'll share the Butterscotch Pie recipe here...I rarely bake but this is one recipe that I do well...and it makes a generous amount of filling (for a large deep pie shell or enough for a small pie and several cups of pudding):

Butterscotch Pie

Make your pie crust first and bake it so that it is ready to fill as soon as the butterscotch filling is ready. Here's the basic ingredients for the crust:

• 2 cp flour
• 1 tsp salt
• 2/3 cp shortening

Here's the important part: Sift together the flour and salt...no one sifts anymore...cut in the shortening with a knife or pastry cutter, you can also mash it together with a fork until it resembles grains, add just enough ICE-COLD water to bind it together (2 tbl but no more than 1/3 cup...just sprinkle as you knead until it just barely holds together)...refrigerate dough for one hour...

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Sprinkle flour on flat surface and roll out the pastry. Press into place in prepared pan, trim edges, pinch to "decorate". Prick crust with fork. Line shell with parchment paper and fill with rice to keep shell from forming bubble. (Rice is not damaged and can be reused.) Bake for 12 minutes. Remove rice and paper...bake empty shell an additional 6 minutes or until light golden brown. Cool on wire rack.

Now you are ready for the filling:

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Combine following seven ingredients in a heavy bottomed pan or a double boiler. Cook over a medium heat, stirring (I use a wooden spoon) until thick. (It will take awhile, don't get anxious and turn up the heat...and when you think it is thickening, don't get into too big of a hurry, let it get as thick as a rich pudding)

• 1 1/2 cp light brown sugar
• 10 tbs flour
• 1 tsp salt
• 4 cps milk
• 6 beaten egg yolks (set aside the whites for meringue, keep refrigerated)
• 4 tbs butter
• 2 tsp real vanilla

Pour filling into pie crust. While the filling is still very hot it is time to make the meringue...do not fear meringue...trust me, this is the easy part!

• 6 egg whites
• 6 tbs sugar
• 2 tbs powdered sugar
• pinch salt
• 2 tsp vanilla

Beat the egg whites until stiff, then add sugars, salt and vanilla, beating well...peaks should form. Spread the meringue over the filling, starting at the crust edges (slightly overlapping the crust) and fill toward the center, mounding slightly higher in the center. Bake for 5-7 minutes or until meringue is light golden brown.

Technorati Tags: Holiday, memories, recipe