It's a bit predictable, but I can't help myself. for this month's femme writing prompt I'd like to challenge folks to write about goals for the  year. I like the idea of goals better than resolutions since they (to me at least) seem more process oriented and less abstract.

This could be femme specific like following the chalanges that have been posted by lunnaallison, personal femme things such as making  a goal to wear a  dress to the dyke bar, or wearing makeup etc.  Or, it could be something connected to a different part of your life, after all, femmes are whole people.   What do you hope the new year will bring for you? What do you plan to manifest?

I've been living a pants-less lifestyle for over five years now no matter the season or weather. I often get questions from folks especially other femmes about how I manage to keep from freezing every winter since I livening NYC so I thought I’d share some of my secrets.

Admittedly I think I start this at an advantage since I'm a bit of a penguin it takes a lot for me to get uncomfortably cold, and winter is my favorite season of all. I hate to be warm and struggle a whole lot with the summer (is be anyone without our ever-present air conditioner). That said even with my love of snow and cold I've had to devise ways to keep warm - this has been especially true this winter since I've lost nearly 50 pounds over the last year and that has made a huge difference in how warm I stay.

My biggest piece of advice is to accessorize! Hats and mittens are your friend. I've found that these two things really make a world of difference in terns of keeping me warm enough in he coldest weather. These are really going to be staples of everyday attire so make sure you have a hat and gloves/mittens that you really like. I'm a weird sort of femme whose default and preferred fashion hovers somewhere around what would excite your average kindergartner so I'm very excited each winter to pull out my trusty pig mittens and walrus hat!

It’s a bit obvious, but the biggest struggle I’ve had with staying warm while only wearing dresses and skirts has been what to do with my legs. It doesn’t help that I’m extremely picky and dislike being at all uncomfortable. For example, I can wear a pair I'd nylons tights for a nice evening out, but thy are far too uncomfortable for me to wear for an entire day. Not to mention, I'm too hard on them and am lucky if I can get through breakfast without putting runs in a pair. Additionally, I'm incredibly cheap and contrary to some stereotypes of femmes I hate to spend money on clothes. After all, being an author doesn't pay that well, and to top it off I was laid off from my nonprofit management job over 5 months ago - with no day job prospects, a mortgage, and my partner being our family’s only steady income frugal is name of the game. I found a solution to staying warm in a highly unexpected place--- the little girls department!

Xl girls stretch pants stretch quite a bit more than you might think, and have been my salvation for staying as warm as humanly possible in this weather. I'm about 168 pounds and wear anywhere between a size 12/14 and an 18 (got to love inconsistent sizing) and little girl XL leggings fit me just right. Not only are they cheap - I can get them at target for $5 a pair (the same leggings in the women department are at least double the price. They are made for kids, which means they are thicker than the ones sold for adults and they seem to in general be quite a bit more durable too, meaning it's rare for me to need to replace them! If I'm wearing the leggings with my favorite old docs I just make sure they are tucked into the boots, but if I pair them with sneakers or maryjanes ill often throw a pair legwarmers in top to cove the overlap between sock and leggings. It's also good for a little extra warmth. The picture above shows my walrus hat, and also a my leggings that I paired with a woolen jumper for a very chilly but super fun adventure to look at christmas lights in dyker heights brooklyn!

This month’s Femmes Guide writing prompt is all about sharing ways to keep warm in the winter without pants – the month’s almost over but I hope a few more folks with chime in with what works for you!

Disclaimer: I hate writing bad reviews of books. I really, really, really hate to do it. I hate it because it feels icky, and because as an author I know how much work goes into creating a book etc. I also feel really blessed that it’s pretty rare for me to have to write a bad review, alas sometimes it’s unavoidable.

I was really excited reviewing Susie Bright’s “Love and lust: A Sex Journal” first of all because I have so much respect for all the sex positive work that Susie has done, and secondly because HELLO sex and journaling combined? 100% up my alley and something I was really excited to share with all the femmes readers here.

The book/journal itself is gorgeous from the cover art to the detailing with the little lock and key just like those childhood diary’s I remember having. I was thrilled to stick the little brass key into the lock and see what sort of prompts and ideas about sex would come my way. Unfortunately though beautifully packaged the rest of the book/journal fell flat for me.

I’ve seen books very successfully weave together journal exercises with the authors perspective, and even the words of others – Kate Bornstein’s ‘My Gender Workbook’ comes to mind as a brilliant example of how this can work. What I found when I cracked the journal open was very little in the way of an introduction or welcome to readers/writers and then on the remaining pages fairly unoriginal and not especially compelling, I hesitate to even call them prompts.

In reading blurbs about the book I got the impression that it was designed for women of all sexual orientations with the fantastic goal of encouraging them to become more comfortable with their own sexual desires and experiences and to begin journaling on that. I’m really comfortable with my sexuality and write about it regularly so I honestly wasn’t anticipating huge personal revelations, however I did expect prompts that I could dig into and expand upon. I found none of that. This got me thinking about the women the book is really intended for, women who maybe don’t exist in sex-positive community and I have to say that I imagine they would be left significantly less inspired than I was.

Overall I’d say the idea behind the book is fantastic, but unfortunately this is one of those situations where you just can’t judge a book by its cover.

For this month's writing prompt I'm thinking about the start of winter (which is my favorite season of all) and as a exclusively skirt and dress wearing sort of femme I'm always looking for new ways of keeping my legs warm (admittedly not as much as some folks because even though i live in NYC I'm somewhat of a penguin and like to stay significantly colder than most folks I know). With that in mind this moth I'd love for folks to write about your favorite way to stay warm - you can take this literally and write about your favorite leg warmers etc. or go in a different direction and maybe write about a cozy night snuggled in a blanket with someone special. There are many ways to stay warm this time of year- what's your favorite?

I plan to write a longer response to this month's writing prompt about what I'm thankful for but wanted to get the posting kicked off with a video I made in response to the question i hate most this time of year....

Despite the colonial history that surrounds the Thanksgiving holiday, I do think it is important to pause and give thanks. So with that in mind I give you the November writing prompt....

Write about someone or something that you are especially thankful for...

I read S. Bear Bergman’s ‘Butch Is A Noun’ for the first time not long after it was released in 2006. I liked it. When I received the re-released version from Arsenal Pulp Press* I was excited to sit with it again, but what I didn’t expect was to fall in love. This is the point where other people would make comparisons to things like fine wine, or scotch improving with time. However, as I don’t drink I will compare the book to the finest cheddar cheese which only improves with age. This time reading ‘Butch Is A Noun’ I was blown away and immediately smitten as each story unraveled different complicated and at times paradoxical pieces of butch.

Bear manages to carve out a space for all sorts of butch experiences and presents glimpses into butch intimacy. Bear talks lovingly of taking a young butch to buy hir first tie, about helping friends move, about intergenerational community, and having the back of your people. “Faggot Butch” reminded me of everything that felt so right and safe and solid about being butch identified a few gendered lifetimes ago and partnering with other butches. It is also without a doubt filled with beautiful, powerful stories about the treasuring of femmes and the uniqueness of butch/femme dynamics. These stories made me feel seen, and I think any butch loving femme reading it couldn’t help but be smitten with the text (I started including the names of specific stories before realizing it started to look like the whole table of contents).

‘Butch is a Noun’ is a book I consider to be a community classic. It’s a book that I want to hand to every young butch just coming into self, and every young butch loving femme I come across to show hir just the sort of care and chivalry that ze deserves.

*Huge, huge thank you to the folks at Arsenal for sending me a review copy of the book.

Miss Erin Fae is a good femme friend of mine, fantastic zinester. She formerly called Brooklyn home but now lives in New Zealand. In thinking about this months' writing prompt here at Femmes Guide it seemed ideal to invite her to guest blog for us!

Autumn
by Miss Fae

Today was the first day of the season that I wore my black sandals, and this evening, I made roasted butternut squash risotto. It was simply too warm to wear knee socks. Yes, in October. I moved to New Zealand two months ago, just at the end of summer and the start of…spring?

Now, it’s one thing to know that the Southern Hemisphere experiences the reverse seasons to those in America; it’s quite another to live it. I’m sure it will be easier to accept this change once I have lived through a year of Auckland seasons. Yet, at the moment, it’s hard to believe or understand that it’s spring. Spring comes after winter, after waiting for the days to get just a touch longer and when those first crocuses appear through the melting New York City snow. Then, there’s blistering hot Summer and finally, the leaves begin to change, the air turns crisp, and I get my first cup of hot apple cider at a Brooklyn Farmer’s Market.

October is the very best of Autumn and I miss it dearly. I miss storefronts and their Halloween displays. I miss Honeycrisp apples and the first hint of wood smoke smell lingering in the air. It’s back to school season and there are always specials on pens and paper. It’s putting the extra blanket on the bed, feeling the slight abrasive nature of a favorite sweater, the sound of leaves crunching under ones’ feet.

It’s hard to say what I miss the most this first October away. I dare say it may be American pumpkins. What Kiwis call a pumpkin is really a Kabocha, a variety of winter squash. And while I love odd winter squashes as much as the next girl, it’s simply not the same thing. I cannot imagine carving one of these into a jack-o-lantern and I certainly wouldn’t use it to make a pie. I love pumpkins. Pumpkin muffins, pumpkin seeds, pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin soup, rows of carved pumpkin faces gleaming orange and bright. They would see me home on dark autumn evenings, my coat buttoned up to my neck, those faces spook and enchant me as I headed back to wherever I was living.

There is the spring air here, but it’s a different type of crisp. Don’t get me wrong, I love this Auckland spring time. I sit in the park and watch the birds. I’m planting herbs for summer meals and figuring out what seeds to sow so that my container garden can grow bright. Still, it’s October, and I want to be surrounded by the Halloween season.

Halloween isn’t really celebrated in New Zealand. There are a few Halloween-related events happening around my new city, but Autumn and Halloween are not about events or parties for me. Personally, it’s about feeling like I am a part of a community that is welcoming the Fall season. It often feels as though the city around me is filled with anticipation towards that final October evening. There’s almost a tension, and I find that collective building excitement palpable. In a way, Halloween is a celebration of performance and performativity. On Halloween, people dress up. So many let go of those inhibitions and perform some identity, even if it isn’t an aspect of their own identity. For one night, people do a version of what I do every day as a femme, and I think that’s a beautiful thing.

A week ago, I tied a vintage orange ribbon to the front door. Tonight, I made butternut squash risotto. The squash was on special…probably left over from the New Zealand autumn season. I’m a sensual creature. Tastes, smells, and sights are all important to me. So is tradition. I have to pay homage to my personal history of October, autumn and Halloween, even though I cannot fully experience them, this year.

Mira Darling’s ‘Fucking Trans Women #0 ” is one of the most brilliant zines I’ve ever read (and coming from this old zinester that’s saying something). It is 80 pages of sexy smart text and art that is not to be missed. The zine is currently only available digitally – I read my copy while in airports over the last week : ) and at $5 is very, very reasonable for the length and quality.

In her bio Mira describes herself as a 28-year-old trans dyke and student. She is a femme, a queer, a dork, a cocksucker, and lots of other things. Her interests include the history of medicine, the 1920’s, literature, masculinity as cultural narratives, homos, conversation, and history of eugenics and racism. She reads comic books and can’t take the cold. (be on the lookout I’m going to do a spotlight interview with Mira very very soon)

I especially loved and appreciated how ‘Fucking Trans Women’ spoke candidly about technical aspects of the way she finds sex to be pleasurable including diagrams and step-by-step instructions. I was equally drawn into the honesty with which Mira spoke about the emotional sides of relating to her body, connecting with partners, and her understanding of sex itself. Interspersed was biting and super smart commentary about why as a queer (and specifically dyke) community we are so much less welcoming of trans women than trans men, and the ways in which we frame the sexuality and erotic appeal of trans women and trans men very differently.

Mira considers this zine #0 with the intention that future issues will include stories and perspectives from other trans women. I know that I for one will be waiting eagerly for the next issues! You can learn more about the zine (and purchase your copy) at www.fuckingtranswomen.com