The other day I was leaving my usual teahouse after visiting with an old friend from my first high school. A couple of ladies struck up a conversation with me about the baby blanket I had been knitting. I explained that it was a gift to a young man whom I had originally met when we were both "camp counselors" for youth group missionary trips with my former missions organization. He is now a very well respect leader at the base where he lives in Barbados. His family is very young, they are only just now having their first child, a son. As I was telling the younger woman about some of the events and workshops that my teahouse hosts, she asked if there were any "religious" slant to any of them. Assuming that she feels the same way I do about the danger of religious fundamentalism of any sort, I assured her that the workshops were simply informational. "Because, you know, it's not good to fill your mind with such things," she said. Instantly, I realized my mistake and I remembered all the things that my mother taught me as a child about the dangers of allowing yourself to become aware of other people's cultures or religions. Mom taught me that it poisons the mind. Perhaps that is true for some Christians. Perhaps they can only be pure when they are unaware. The funny thing is that my "missionary training" actually made me more open to other cultures. It made me see that God, the great spirit that unites us all, can be found in many forms and many venues. I found that all truth is true, regardless of its origin.

But I'm frustrated by my reaction. She asked if I went to church, and I fumbled for the words to say... "uhm... I'm uh... I'm sort of in between churches right now." And I'll probably be like that for awhile the way things go.

I'm frustrated that I did not suggest to them that I sometimes go to the MCC (which I do). I'm frustrated that I didn't say, well actually I am differently spiritual, now that I came out as a lesbian and left my mission work to others who will do it with much more passion than I can do anymore. I'm angry that I didn't say, "I'm gay, now whatcha gonna do about that?" But sometimes much more care and tenderness is required in gently opening the minds of people who are unaware of the beautiful diversity that exists in the world. I wanted to be the one to tell her that she doesn't have to be afraid of the unknown. But it wasn't my time.

She didn't even know she was speaking to a queer. I feel like that's a problem, yet I don't know that I would ever have had a connection with her if she knew...femme invisibility.

Why is it only called "crafts" if women do it? I've been on a rampage for the last few days sewing rolled cases for such items as knitting needles, crochet hooks, makeup brushes and the like. There is a wonderful tutorial here which made things a lot easier through the first project. The first one came out very nicely, in fact!

I can imagine such a thing would work nicely for artist's paintbrushes, drawing pencils and writing implements too. You can make the pockets in any size you wish. My partner Dana has been so wonderful to step around my work space which happens to be right in the middle of the living room - oh dear!

The best part about crafting is the parties! Tomorrow night we are having drunk knitting night after our regularly schedule tea-and-knitting-circle. Everyone's going to knit a drunk square - imagine what it will look like when we sew it all together!

Technorati Tags: Craft, how-to, needle crafts

On our anniversary in March, Dana and I went across the bridge to a little downtown shopping district and found a mom-and-pop bookstore. The only thing I bought that afternoon was a book called Small Batch Baking by Debby Maugans Nakos. She gives instructions on how to assemble your own small baking containters out of aluminum cans and explains how medium size eggs are better for her recipes. I fell in love instantly! You see I have a little habit in the kitchen of making too much of a recipe and having so much leftover that we both stuff ourselves silly, or the excess simply goes to waste. This book was the perfect solution. The recipe I used was actually called Orange Spice Layer Cake but I improvised a little (per the usual!). I had no oranges, but I did have lemons and pineapple juice and that sounded pretty damn delicious together Small changes will make this recipe vegetarian or vegan. I use small silicone baking pans that I got from our local $1 store.

Ingredients:

4T unsalted butter (or vegan margarine)

1/2 c all purpose flour, sifted

1/4 c buttermilk (I used 1/8c soymilk, 1/8c pineapple juice)

yolk of one large egg (or equivalent in egg substitute)

2 t grated orange (lemon) zest

1/2 c sugar (i used 1/3 c)

1/8 tsp baking soda

1/4 t salt

1/4 t ground cinnamon

1/4 t ground nutmeg

1/8 t ground cardamom (YUCK! I used ground cloves)

1/8 t ground ginger

You will need a baking sheet and two single serve baking pans such as these square pans or this heart spring-form pan.

Preheat oven to 325F. Lightly grease and flour the insides of your baking pans and tap off excess flour. Place on a baking sheet and set aside. Combine the milk (and pineapple juice), egg yolk and orange (lemon) zest in a small bowl and wisk to mix. Place the flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, cardamom  (clove) and ginger in a medium size mixing bowl and wisk to blend well (I just sifted all of these ingredients together). Add the butter and the milk-egg mixture. Beat with a hand-held mixer (i'm sure any mixing method is fine) on low speed until the dry ingredients are moistened. Increase the speed to medium and beat for 45 seconds. Scrape down the sides of the bowl (very important because you are making a smaller batch so it could throw off the math if you don't scrape thoroughly with a silicone spatula - I got those from our $1 store too!) Spoon the batter into the prepared pans, dividing it evenly between them. Bake the cakes until a toothipick inserted comes out clean, 30-35 minutes. Cool in a wire rack for 15 minutes, then run a thin, sharp knife around the edge of each pan and invert them to release the cakes and allow them to cool completely.

Problems: My cakes came out really crumbly - the top half was cooked perfectly and the bottom half fell apart. I have several guesses as to why. 1. Perhaps my substitutions caused the mixture to be unstable. 2. Perhaps my oven is the wrong temperature (have had that problem with other ovens before!). 3. I forgot to flour the pans, I only greased them. 4. did not allow them to cool completely because Dana was coming home and I wanted to feed her a lovely cake! Phew. I should really start following directions, don't you think?

Frosting:

4 oz cold cream cheese (or vegan cream cheese)

2 t unsalted butter at room temp (or room temp vegan margarine)

3/4 c confectioner's sugar (I used 1/2 c + 2 T)

1 t grated orange (lemon) zest (or just toss in the rest of what you grated)

1/2 t pure vanilla extract

1 T thawed frozen orange juice concentrate

(rather than the orange juice, I put in about 1T fresh squeeze lemon juice and 1T pineapple juice)

Place the cream cheese and butter in a medium mixing bowl and beat with a hand-held mixer on medium until blended. Add sugar, zest, vanilla and beat to mix. Add juice and beat until fluffy. Use right away or chill (then let stand 1 hr before using).

The lemon pineapple frosting is by far the best frosting I have ever made in my entire life! The book recommends cutting the cakes in half through the middle and putting a layer of frosting between the cake layers. Top with nuts, more lemon zest, sprinkles or whatever! Baking is all about having fun and improvising. All great food is made when someone says, "I wonder if this and that would go nicely together?"

I'm still trying to perfect my small-batch homemade mac and cheese - I'll let you know when it shows up!

Technorati Tags: baking, comfort foods, culinary comfort, food, foods

I threw this together last night and it was pretty dang yummy, to my surprise! 

Ingredients:

2 T Cooking Oil (I used EVOO)

1 clove garlic, minced

1/4 cup chopped bell peppers (any color)

1/4 cup chopped green onions

2 1/2 cups cut carrots

4 small cut potatoes

1 large can 100% Pure Pumpkin

2-15.5 oz cans Garbanzo Beans (Chickpeas)

Handful of pine nuts, pan toasted

1 Can of Coconut Milk

Combine olive oil, garlic, peppers. pine nuts and green onions and brown them in the bottom of a large pot to bring out the flavors. Add the carrots and then quickly dump 1-2 quarts of water into the pot and bring to a boil. Cook the carrots until they are soft enough to blend. Scoop into the blender with a slotted spoon and add some of the carrot broth to the blender. Let them cool for a few minutes and then pulse the blender until the puree is complete. Return the puree to the pot and add the potatoes, can of pumpkin, the garbanzos and the coconut milk, stirring after each one.  Cook on medium heat until the potatoes are cooked.

This soup has no animal products, and therefore is completely vegan and super delicious! I know this is two recipes in a row, but culinary fabulosity is something I consider to be integral to my own femme identity. Once again, this can also be separated into individual portions and refrigerated or frozen for meals to take to work with you.

Technorati Tags: comfort foods, cooking, femme, foods, recipe

My mother gave me a recipe book including all of my family's favorite dishes as a gift for my graduation from college (last week!). Tonight I made "Spanish Bean Soup" (alternately, Garbanzo/Chickpea Soup) in less than an hour. As I understand it, the soup originated in Tampa at Columbia Restaurant which features Spanish cuisine in a historic building. Their website says that the chef

took the classic cocido madrileno, a boiled Spanish equivalent of French pot-au-feu. Cocido was traditionally served in two steps, first the broth, then the main course of meats, garbanzo, and potatoes. He came up with the idea that all should be served together. That’s what became Spanish Bean Soup. It’s from Tampa. You cannot order Spanish Bean Soup in Spain. They don’t know what it is. Today Spanish Bean Soup is a favorite dish found in all six Columbia Restaurants located in Florida. This was created circa 1910.

As you can see from that link, their recipe is somewhat more complicated than ours, but I think they taste about the same! One ingredient to this recipe that you will likely have to forgo if you do not live in sunny, happy south-central Florida will be the Cuban bread. Ohhh Cuban bread. When Grandma first took me to North Carolina as a 12 year old, I wanted to pick up some Cuban bread while were at the grocery store. "Honey, they don't have Cuban bread here" she said. I was shocked and appalled. My mother and grandmother beg me to bring C bread every time I visit them in North Carolina. It's just that good. Day old french bread will do, but there's nothing like the crunchy on the outside, soft and light on the inside goodness of Cuban bread. Without further adieu, Mom's recipe!

Spanish Bean Soup
2 cans Garbanzos/Chickpeas
1 lg onion cut into one-inch pieces
Potatoes, cut in one-inch pieces (1 large Russet, 3 mediums or 5-6 new)
1 Package chorizo sausage, sliced (includes 2, or Soyrizo for the non-meat eaters)
1 Vigo Yellow Rice Seasoning (a tiny envelope with saffron, paprika, etc)
1 ham slice cut in one-inch pieces (can be omitted or replaced with a meat substitute)
Cuban bread and butter
salt and pepper to taste

Method of Preparation: The fast way!
Use a large pot with lid. Combine all ingredients with a generous covering of water and cook on medium until heated and potatoes are done. Mom says at least one hour, I say cook it on almost-high with PLENTY of water so stuff won't stick to bottom. Don't add too much water or your soup will be all broth.

Method of Preparation: The slow way!
Place all ingredients in a crock pot with water and cook on low for 4-5 hours keeping the liquid at a good soupy level.

Method of Preparation: The extra really slow, but good way!
Use dry garbanzos/chickpeas and soak them in the refrigerator overnight. Drain, then cook in the crock pot all day. She specifies all day otherwise they could be crunchy. Add the potatoes during the last 1-2 hours of cooking so they don't get mushy! Add water if it starts looking like stew instead of soup.

Serve with Cuban bread or toast and butter! Like I said, I made this in a pot on the stove with canned beans in less than one hour - it's a great meal when you're hungry but don't want to eat something overly starchy that came out of a mystery box. Really. And this can totally be frozen in individual portions to take to work for a filling, energizing lunch.

Bon apetit!

Technorati Tags: comfort foods, cooking, food, recipe

It's true. As much as we love our panties. Sometimes we have to prune our collection of panties so that we can only showcase our very best asset in its very best clothes. That is, if we must cover it at all!

Last week... no, make that for the past two months... I've been on a cleaning, de-cluttering, organizing rampage. You wouldn't know it from the looks of my house, but I work slow, okay. Just because I work slow doesn't mean I'm not getting anything done! I went through my panties for the first time in over a year to take out the ones that are no good. So, here are some rules for thinning the crops!

1. Follow FlyLady's number one rule: If you don't love it, need it, or use it - let it go! Whether that means you send it to the donation truck, the garbage truck, or give it your best friend who stopped in for a cup of tea, just do it!

2. If it has any holes in it that are not supposed to be there, put it in the trash! No holey underwear is sexy! I can understand if it's your favorite period underwear and they're so comfy and you can't bear to get rid of them, but you have to really love them to not get rid of holey panties.

3. If they are tighty whiteys, they were not meant for your fancy ass in the first place. Unless you plan to tie-dye them into fabulosity, these have got to go! There are lots of affordable alternatives to these saggy bottom, tight elastic, weak seam excuses for panties.

4. If your panties came in a 3, 5, or 7 pack from Big Mart more than six months ago, give them a big fat kiss goodbye. These aren't good quality panties anyway and you've probably worn them too thin to do much good!

5. Stained panties. This is going to be controversial. Regardless of whether it was a drink you spilled in your lap, or some other unfortunate spillage, if there are stains on your panties, this will never do. Trust me, I know it's hard  to keep this kind of thing from happening, and it's even harder to clean them afterward! Anything with a stain that won't come out goes in the pile.

6. If you can see through your panties in places where you couldn't see through them before, this is considered "normal wear and tear" for tighty whiteys and multi-pack underwear. Soon, these sheer spots will become gaping holes. Lose them before they lose you!

7. Sometimes only you can know if you have had your underwear for too long. So think back to when you bought them. Have they been in your collection for a year? Three years? Five? Even you feel they have held up well enough, if they are getting old, if the colors are fading, if they've been discolored from other garments in the wash, etc, release them from the drawer. One bad apple spoils the whole bag!

8. Fit. It's reasonable to suggest that underwear may stretch and grow with the wearer during changes in body shape or size. If any pair of underwear is too big or too small, it's no use pulling it up all the time, or picking it out of your butt or other embarrassing places! Bless someone else with panties that are otherwise nice enough, instead of worrying about your ass cleavage showing all day. (And while you're at it, love yourself at whatever size you are!)

9. A word about elastic. While underwear generally have elastic waists these days, (after all, they did away with drawstring undergarments a century or two ago...) it is important to ensure that all of the elastic waistlines (or leg openings, if applicable) are securely attached to the fabric, and have kept their original coloring. Additionally, please tug on the elastic a little bit to see if it crackles - that's a big sign that your panty has kicked the bucket.

10. Last but not least, if your ex bought these underwear for you, put them on the midnight train to Georgia! Don't come back now, y'hear?

I hope I have inspired you to only have fabulous underwear! It always makes me happy to get rid of the things that are weighing me down.

Technorati Tags: body, clothes, femmes, panties, size

Knitting is not just for femmes and girls! Anyone can be a knitter, all you have to be is willing to try, humble enough to be taught, and not worried about making mistakes. Get your needles ready, and let's go change the world, one scarf at a time!

Step One: Meet a Knitter: This may be the hardest step, but it is the a crucial one, because that person will be your tour guide into the awesome world of knitting. As I mentioned previously, knitting is a social art that almost requires the presence of other people. It's like drinking alcohol - you should never do it alone! I've tried and tried to learn to crochet by reading a book, or listening to someone explain the process, and that didn't work at all. Unless you are fabulously amazing (and you very well may be), you will need the help of a real live person.

Step Two: Watch Your Knitter: I found that being able to see a real live person knitting helped me figure it out once the needles were in my hands. Watch your knitter as they show you how to make a knit stitch in slow motion. Ask them to pause, rewind, or fast-forward as you start to see where the fingers, needles, and yarn are going. You might need to repeat Step Two after you get started on Step Three, and don't feel bad about it, either! You're learning!

Step Three: Try it Yourself: Next, it is important to try it out for yourself. You're not going to get it right the first time, and you might even need your knitter to speak the instructions to you as you are moving the instruments (this was a big help to me). If you find it awkward at first, be aware that there is more than one way to knit, so you can switch to a different method later, after you get used to your knitter's method.

Step Four: Find a Knitting Circle: You should have no trouble finding one, and even if it is full of old ladies, give it a fair try of one or two meetings. Knitting (or crocheting) with other people is actually the best part of being able to participate in this craft! Your knitter from Step One should know. If they were willing and excited to teach you, that person is called a knitting evangelist! Even if there is no knitting circle to begin with, that person will teach a bunch of people knit, and before you know it, you'll be sipping, stitching, and bitching together! Also, I'd say teaching people to knit is feminist activism.

Step Five: Get Good Needles and Yarn: In search of good needles, look no further than your local yarn shop. You can google "knitting supplies in [your town]" and even if you live somewhere rural, I would imagine there will always be someone who is passionate enough about fiber arts to have a store not too far away. I put this part at the end of your tutorial because if you find that you don't like it as much as you thought, you haven't yet wasted any money on it. If you truly cannot find a good needle store, you can go to http://www.knitting-warehouse.com/ and get yarns, needles, and pretty much anything you need! I have definitely enjoyed having Addi Turbo's, if you can afford them, you'll be doing yourself a favor. As much as you may be tempted to march yourself over to Wal-Mart, please be very selective about the type of yarn/needles that you buy! Red Heart is nobody's favorite yarn, and Boye needles/hooks are very awkward to work with. I have found that the evil place (Wal-Mart) carries Simply Soft Eco by Caron yarns is actually very soft, and includes 20% post consumer recycled material so you're making something with your hands, and hopefully doing something good for the environment at the same time!

Are you ready to start a revolution with yarn and sticks? I am!

Technorati Tags: art, Craft, feminist activism

On Monday, I learned how to knit and it feels absolutely liberating! I'm pretty awful at it so far, but I'm just plugging along getting better the more I work at it. Is knitting a queer thing? Is it just a feminist thing? Why do so many queer/feminist people knit? I've heard people talk about Western society collapsing, and going back to a society where everything is pretty much done by hand... Is that why people knit? So that we will have clothes after the demise of machinery? That's pretty unlikely though...

Well, for whatever reason, queers and feminist are learning to stitch and I think it's fantastic. I thought needle crafts would be a femme thing, given that it's been a pastime dominated by females for lord knows how long, but it's not! My lovely butch lady and I spend many hours cross-stitching, a butch couple we know also spends quality time together crocheting, and tonight I met all manner of people on the gender spectrum at knitting circle. It has come pretty easily to me, since I have crocheted, cross-stitched, and sewed for so many years. So, after my first five days of knitting, I give you my top five reasons for loving needle crafts:

5. It's communal - stitching alone is sorta like drinking alone... it just shouldn't be done.

4. You can talk and stitch at once, so you have lots of time to plan world domination using needles and yarn/fabric as your only weapons.

3. There's always someone new, and sometimes it's you! I don't make friends easily, but if nothing else, you can talk about stitching!

2. Stitching takes your mind off the craziness of the world, it's rhythmic, repetitive and methodical and I find that very soothing.

1. The final product was made by your hands every step of the way. Your crafts make special gifts and they give you a sense of pride in your own handiwork.

After this week, I think I'm starting to see how stitching can be a kind of feminist activism, where we are making things for ourselves rather than buying into consumer culture. Read up on the feminist power of knitting in "Stitch n Bitch: The Knitter's Handbook."

Technorati Tags: activism, book, Craft, DIY, feminism, feminist activism, femme, femme clothing, gender, needle crafts, quality time, queer, society, world domination

This holiday season was alternately hectic and relaxed at the same time. I spent more hours than I would have liked to working a seasonal job at the mall in a gourmet food and snack store. Of course then I brought home half the store with me every night. On days off, we would visit with friends, cuddling quietly and watching movies or comedy specials.

All this togetherness time with people I love has confirmed for me my loving of hosting great parties, and has shown me that my Southern hospitality rules are deeply rooted in my family history. Any time someone walked through the doors of our very tiny apartment, I made sure to offer them a drink and several rounds of food. But is hospitality a purely femme/feminine characteristic? Or is it just that I/we get a particularly keen sense of satisfaction when we are acting out this generous attribute? I know that I genuinely feel like I'm doing my gender "right" (of course there is no such thing as "right gender", but it makes me feel good about my performance).

Is this a characteristic that the rest of you lovely femmes value as well? Is it something unique to the south? Do you love making people feel comfortable well-taken-care-of when they're under your roof? Or do you foster a more relaxed environment where people are free to fend for themselves and take whatever they need when they need it? I'm interested, so speak up!

Technorati Tags: feminine, femme, femmes, gender, Holiday, home, southern hospitality

Correct me if I'm wrong. I have compiled some of the ways that femme queers femininity for my Queer Theory term paper. I'm trying to think of some personal experiences that contributed to my development of a femme identity... Here are some of my answers to the question, "How does Femme Queer Femininity?"Femme is for Everybody: Answering the question, “How does femme queer femininity?”
Point 1: Femme queers femininity by expanding eligibility, making femininity an inclusive label, rather than an exclusive one.
Traditional femininity has been so strictly policed by society that only a choice few people have been given access to the character trait, “feminine.” People who are not female, people who are overweight, people who have unusual characteristics (like shortness) and dominant, aggressive women have been largely ineligible the traditional label of femininity. Femme, however, is for all people, regardless of sex, physical characteristics or personality styles. In my own life, specifically post-puberty, I had a hard time earning the label of femininity because of my shortness, my larger than average body size, and my general disinterest in boys.
Point 2: Femme queers femininity by involving participants in making and breaking rules of appearance, rather than abiding by previously established rules.
As with queerness, femmeness can be defined by its resistance to definitions. Feminine women have very strict rules defined by the times in which they live. Whether they choose to live by them is another story, but they may compromise their access to the label “feminine” (and the associated privileges) if they do not live by the rules. Femme (as a queer identity) encourages rule breaking! Femininity is mostly defined by the rules that society has provided for it, while femme is characterized by the people who call themselves by that name. If someone says they are a femme, then that is what a femme looks like, but this is not the case with mainstream femininity. Conversely, just because a person calls themselves feminine (in the traditional sense of the word) doesn’t mean that society will agree with them. I personally like acting out femininity, but I gave up on it for many years because I could never succeed as a feminine woman. Now that I understand femme as a transgressive, queer character, as femininity with a twist, I find it as the most appropriate label for the gender that I choose to express. I’m feminine, but I’m not what society thinks I am.
Point 3: Femme queers femininity in that the femme’s audience is defined by her, rather than by the mainstream culture.
A feminine woman without queer leanings may find that her audience is all men without her consent (since non-queer femininity by definition caters to the pleasure and comfort of men). On the other hand, a queer femme lesbian can reject men’s ideals for her femininity altogether, and choose to perform her gender for herself and for her other queer companions. Drag queens may actually have a formal audience for their drag performances, or their intended audience may be fellow drag queens. There is a wealth of audience options for actors of the femme role. As far as I am concerned, my audience right now is the butch and femme culture that I became part of when I was first coming out. At other times in my life, my audience has been my peers, or it has been authority figures. But I feel the best about my gender in the context of butch and femme.
Point 4: Femme queers femininity by being intentional rather than by being the default mode of operation for female-bodied people.
Femme takes into account the performativity of gender. It is not simply resigning oneself to femininity because one is female, rather femme is an intentional performance, where the actor takes the role of femininity for herself, rather than bothering to earn the rights to it. Even queer or lgbt women may do “femininity by default” – this is not femme, even though it is a gender style performed by queer identified people. Femme is queer when it is for fun!

I intend to take account of my gender development through seven periods of my life: 1. childhood; 2. pre- and early teens; 3. freshman/sophomore; 4. junior/senior/college freshman; 5. USF through 2005; 6. Missionary School (2006); 7. Leaving missions / coming out.

Theory

I would like to address the concepts of (1) Gender Accountability (the "rules" of gender expression) and (2) Gender Performativity (as in, gender is something you do, not something you are, necessarily). You know I said above that femme is defined by its resistance to definitions, but that may not be true, now that I think about it some more. Appearances are only very loosely defined by a feminine slant, although one could say that it is almost a feminine "drag," a caricature making fun of femininity. I actually think that personality is indeed defined by a number of character traits as follows. Femmes are (or tend to be) women who are bold, strong and independent, who do not take anyone's bullshit, who makes a path where there is none and appreciates diversity. Femme takes an activist role, she is an agent in her own destiny and she believes in the power of love, forgiveness, compassion and the care of others after the care of herself. Femme is also defined historically and presently by an association to queer butches and butchness).

That's all I have so far, and that's about 2.5 pages! The stories should hopefully fill up the other 7.5. Eek!

Technorati Tags: butch, butch/femme, coming into femme, definitions, feminine, femme, femme identity, gender, gender presentation, lesbian, queer, society