I was having a good chat the other day with my fellow femme friend (FFF) over cups of tea and home-made baked goods. The topic came up of “doing things” and how we can use our femme ways to get things done – in her case fixing a bookshelf and in mine; getting things down off high shelves. We discussed the “90’s feminism” dictates that influenced us significantly in those formative years, and the angry feminist in our heads now judging us for being who we are and what we do. FFF said, “Well, I was just BORED fixing this shelf, and I know for other people this is fun, so why not let them do it?” I agreed. She ended up fussing with it ineffectively in front of her butch buddy who then offered to fix it for her.

I had simply looked despairingly at my flour canister on a too-high shelf and instead of dragging kitchen chairs around and standing on them I asked my (tall, male) houseguest if he wouldn’t mind reaching it down for me. Which he obligingly did.  FFF continued, “It’s like fixing my bicycle. People always say to me, don’t you want to fix it yourself? And I say – no thanks! I am happy to pay someone else to fix it because they are good at it! I am good at other things – like sewing, I am really good at sewing. Why do people value bike fixing more than baking and mending?” I completely concurred. It made me think though, about what we know and what we can do as femmes and how it is perceived and valued.

It’s like in our society there is a division of labour that values certain forms of knowledge over others. Even though I know I am better at baking that bike fixing, I still feel guilty sometimes that I can’t fix my bike, but then again, I am not sure if those bike mechanics are good bakers! We can’t be good at everything, and I think the important thing is to be proud of what we can do, and not afraid to learn new things if we want to, but know we don’t HAVE to.  So being femme is about being proud of what you can do and valuing it. That’s why its good to have friends - to remind you of this stuff and make you feel good about who you are and what you can do!

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• Femme In/Visibility - August 13th, 2011