When it comes to Ivan Coyote’s ‘Missed Her’ I am a biased reviewer. I knew before opening the first page that more than likely I was going to love this book. Ivan is one of my favorite writers, because there are few others with the ability to so beautifully weave stories of our queer world with that degree of honesty, and integrity. When I saw the package from Arsenal Pulp Press* in my mailbox it took sheer will not to tear into it right in our building’s mail/laundry room and wait until I got back into my apartment (I did however squeal and startle a neighbor who was moving laundry to the dryers).

‘Missed Her’ wasn’t all new to me. If you are a regular reader of Ivan’s column at Xtra there are some pieces that will be familiar, like her famous butch and femme pieces ‘hats off’ and ‘a butch roadmap.’ There were a couple other stories recognized as well, but their inclusion in the book felt entirely natural. I’m a big re-reader and am celebrating the opportunity to have these favorites bound on my bookshelf to refer back to without need of an internet connection (I’m just old fashioned that way).

There is a depth to ‘Missed Her’ that resonated with me and made it impossible to put down until I’d finished it (less than 24 hours after the incident in my laundry room). The stories ranged from deep loss as Ivan wrote through the death of her grandmother and a close friend, to the humorous though poignant looks at what it’s like to transgress gender norms in both urban and rural spaces and the policing of community. As someone who works closely with queer youth, I particularly appreciated Ivan’s accounts of the pleasure of meeting and talking with younger LGBTQ folks. Of course, as a very sappy femme, I adored the sweet stories about her relationship with her partner, and accounts of butch chivalry.

‘Missed Her’ left me cracked open, feeling raw and seen in a way that only the very best books are capable of. It’s an absolute must read for any butch loving femme, any butch, and honestly any queer person.

*Huge huge thanks to the folks at Arsenal for my review copy!

Latest posts by Sassafras

• Farewell - May 1st, 2011
• Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme - April 16th, 2011
• Little Red Writing Dress - March 27th, 2011
• Unexpected Butch/Femme Poetry - March 22nd, 2011
• Tell-tale Signs a Queer Femme is Queer - March 4th, 2011