I have a couple of questions. I currently don't have a label yet, because I am not labeling my sexual orientation until I have a relationship with a woman or encounters in which I can completely label my sexual orientation. But for now, I could call myself bi-curious. So anyways... how would a lipstick femme flirt, attract, or approach another femme? I am having trouble finding femmes that like me. I'm not tooting my own horn, but I am very attractive, and I get a lot of guys, butches and studs approaching me, but never femmes. I don't understand how I would know that a female likes me and really if she is gay. Also, I should add that my gaydar isn't the best, but most of the time I am right, but I just don't know how to approach her once I know. For my last question, where would I go to meet femmes? Currently I live in a pretty big city in KY, and yet I have not met any available femmes. I have even went to a popular gay bar within the city and have had no luck of even seeing single femmes there....Am I looking too hard?
Oh man, I hardly know where to even begin on this one, because your questions touch on so many hot topics within the girls-who-like-girls community (whatever their specific labels may be). The first ones I saw were the issues of femme invisibility—expounded upon by Sinclair of the Sugarbutch Chronicles, Essin’Em, and writers right here on Femmes Guide—of the “lesbian sheep dance” aptly named by Nadia the Kinky Librarian and an issue very close to my own heart: that of tracking down those rare femmes who go for other femmes.
Sadly enough, it’s true. Femmes who like other femmes (whether it be exclusively or in addition to liking butches and/or those who fall somewhere in between) are not anywhere near as numerous as the femmes who like their women a little more masculine. Obviously I’m one of them, and I’m willing to bet that more than one of my fellow FG writers is also at least partly a femme’s femme, but out there in the world of gay bars and queer neighborhoods, they’re not exactly as concentrated as they are here. So chances are, you’re not doing anything wrong. There’s no one method of attracting another femme to you, so long as you’re making your interest clearly known (which goes back to the aforementioned “lesbian sheep dance,” a hilariously named but frustrating phenomenon to be avoided at all costs). Chances are, you just haven’t come across a femme’s femme yet.
Now, as far as approaching said femme, once you have her in your sights. In my experience, my flirting tactic doesn’t change much between butches and femmes. I could tell you that sometimes I have to be a little more aggressive with other femmes since they’re used to being actively courted and wooed by those bold butches, but how stereotypical would that be? I have had to be aggressive with shy butches too, so being bashful is definitely not solely a femme phenomenon. Just go with your instincts, which are probably a lot more spot-on than you realize, and tone your approach up or down in strength as you feel is necessary. Your main goal is get your message of interest across, and then the ball is in her court to either respond favorably or not, depending on if she is into other femmes.
As to your question of where to go to meet other femmes: well, where do you go? Or perhaps the better question is, where would you go to meet new people of the queer variety? It may happen in a gay bar or it may happen at the grocery store, or at a concert, or a flower nursery, or… the options are really endless! The real trick isn’t in going somewhere special; the trick is to always keep your eyes open and to never give up the search. Being a femme who likes femmes, you have certainly got a more difficult path ahead of you as far as finding a partner (either short- or long-term), but it’s not impossible. Sure, femmes don’t stand out as much as a butch usually does, but you said it yourself: you can usually tell. There’s just a certain energy about a femme that makes her stand out from the rest. And someday, probably when you least expect it, one of those femmes will see that same energy in you.
Now! Fellow FG writers and dearest FG readers, what have you to say to LipstickGirlyGirl? Please, chime in with your comments to assist a femme in need! We’ve all been there in one fashion or another; sometimes a few words of advice or support can make all the difference.