Now stop. Did you define YOUR femme-ness, what femme-ness looks like to you, and how you embody it? Or perhaps what femme looks like or is in those femmes that you happen to be attract to? Or did you happen to come up with a definition that embodies all Femme?
If you chose the latter, please tell me, because I'm having a hell of a time.
I feel a bit like Justice Stewart, when he spoke of obscenity and said "I know it when I see it." But it's true. Femme is just one of those terms that happens to be incredibly hard to pin down, incredibly hard to define, and I've been trying for years.
I hate when people define Femme and include clothing as part of it; lipstick, heels and pencil skirts do not a Femme make. Can a Femme WEAR lipstick, heels and a pencil skirt? But of course. But is it a requirement for the definition? Certainly not.
Then I got in the habit of defining it by attitude, by Femmitude if you will. There is just a certain fiesty-ness, a certain sass that Femmes possess. We give it out when we feel invisible, showing people that we have our own identity and please stop grouping me in with the other straight girls/women here, thank you very much. We have it in how we interact with our love interests, our partners, our lovers.
But how do you define that attitude? And what about people full of that sass and attitude and vitality that aren't Femme/femme-identified? How can attitude be the only definition of an entire identity.
Femme is so many things, and one of the best parts is that it is so many different things for so many different people. I find myself re-examining my own Femme identity all the time, and I've identifed as such for a good few years. I've identified as being part of a Butch/Femme dynamic, and as a Femme on my own, and as a Feisty Femme and a Kinky Femme, and an Invisible Femme, and a Disabled Femme and so much more. And if I can barely figure out and pin down my own identity, barely figure out out what Femme means to me, and define it for myself, how the heck could anyone ever try to define it as a whole, for all the Femme-identified people out there?
So you - yes you. How do YOU define Femme? For yourself, and for others. How do you definie it as an identity? What makes a Femme a Femme....or is it just the magic pixie dust covering all of us?
***I've already written a lot about finding my Femme identity and coming out as a Femme in various settings, so I've chosen to write about the struggles I have with the definitions of my own identities on a regular basis***
Latest posts by essinem
- Inspiration - August 24th, 2010
- Polyamory 101/Relationship Mapping Class - Denver, CO - February 15th, 2009
- The Femme Spiral...in real life - February 10th, 2009
- A study on ethnography and dykes - February 6th, 2009
- NoFauxxx.com Membership Giveaway - January 30th, 2009