picture taken by our good friend Kyla @ The Shondes July 4th show

I'm a really spoiled femme. I have a butch partner who knows the value of chivalry, I joke that I haven't opened a door for myself in five years, who bakes me cupcakes, carries a hankerchief to hand me when I burst into tears and always walks streetside. Ze cherishes my gender even when it means me leaving glitter all over the bathroom, or us having to transfer a bunch of times becuase I wore impractical shoes so we have to get to off the subway as close as possible even if it's not the most logical way of getting somewhere quickly.

As a femme who loves butches I especially enjoy reading pieces that talk about butch/femme relationships and the beautiful and unique way the two genders interact.  Sometimes there is a story, or article, or piece of art that just knocks the wind right out of me, makes me feel seen, and cherished by my community. I found one of moments this morning in Ivan Coyote’s “Hats off to beautiful femmes” If you are a femme who loves butches it’s an absolute must read that will leave you smitten and swooning.

you really must go read the whole thing but here are a few of my favorite parts:

"I don’t know why I can tell that you are not straight, but I can. Maybe it is the way you look at me. Please don’t stop looking at me the way you do."

*****
"I know those shoes are fucking killing your feet. I want you to know how much I appreciate that you are still wearing them. You look hot. I love you in them. They look great with that dress."

*****
"Thank you for reaching out in the dark at the movie theatre to grab my hand in the scary parts. It makes me feel like I am strong, that I can take care of you. Even if there is no such thing as vampires, and you do so much yoga that you could probably easily kick my ass."

*****
"I want you to know that I know it is not always easy to love me. That sometimes my chest is a field full of landmines and where you went last night you can’t go tomorrow. There is no manual, no roadmap, no helpline you can call. My body does not come with instructions, and sometimes even I don’t know what to do with it. This cannot be easy, but still, you touch me anyway."

A lot of my femme friends have gotten really into manicures over the last year or so (or maybe it's just that I noticed?!) anyway I'm a pretty DIY sort of femme when it comes to getting my nails done, firstly I don't like people I don't know touching me at all, and then of course I’d rather save the $$$ especially now that my partner and I are home owners. That said, I know that for many of my femme friends it's a super relaxing experience that makes them feel rejuvenated and beautiful, so who am I to judge!

That said, this evening ironically after an afternoon where I picked all of my nail polish off (so that I could repaint my nails tonight) I came across this article that I just couldn't resist posting here----it's all about some new fashion trend where folks are paying money to get intentionally chipped nails i just don't get it. I like in NYC which seems to me like the capital for diversity of manicures, I see everything from short neatly painted nails, to acrylics stretching longer than the woman in questions fingers as well as everything in between including intricate airbrushing etc. etc. etc. but this is still new to me.

My nails do a pretty good job of getting chipped on their own, I can't imagine actually paying to get a chipped manicure?! Would any of you?????

Why is it only called "crafts" if women do it? I've been on a rampage for the last few days sewing rolled cases for such items as knitting needles, crochet hooks, makeup brushes and the like. There is a wonderful tutorial here which made things a lot easier through the first project. The first one came out very nicely, in fact!

I can imagine such a thing would work nicely for artist's paintbrushes, drawing pencils and writing implements too. You can make the pockets in any size you wish. My partner Dana has been so wonderful to step around my work space which happens to be right in the middle of the living room - oh dear!

The best part about crafting is the parties! Tomorrow night we are having drunk knitting night after our regularly schedule tea-and-knitting-circle. Everyone's going to knit a drunk square - imagine what it will look like when we sew it all together!

Technorati Tags: Craft, how-to, needle crafts

Ok so I'm pretty big on the shoe comfort, but even I have been known to on (somewhat frequent) occasions make an aesthetically great shoe choice, but one which my feet will curse me about partway through the evening. My solution to this is to often carry a second pair of shoes- often flip flops or flats in my purse but a company in Europe has really solved this problem that plagues almost all the femmes I know. I introduce to you the Rollasole a shoe that is despensed from a vending machine in a nightclub!!!! The ballet flats cost about £5, come in five colors (Hi Ho Silver, Gold Digger, and Back to Black and Pink) and I think that they are quite stylish!

femmes, I think we need to work together to make sure these get into every dyke bar!!!!!

"So now I am writing myself down, sketching directions so that I can be found, or followed. The word for you is butch. Remember this word. It will be used against you."
-Ivan Coyote

For those who know me it's no secret that one of my favorite storytellers of all time is Ivan Coyote. Thus, I'm sure it's no surprise that this week when Ivan's "A Butch Roadmap' began circulating the internet I was enthralled. As a femme who loves butches I was thrilled to see a new piece of writing that gave voice to the complexities of butch identity, and challenges the way that butches get the shit kicked out of their hearts by a community they built and now resents their visibility and strength.

The piece has so many good lines. I tried to start pulling just a few of my favorites but realized that was becoming silly, and that really, if you are a butch loving femme you've got to read this. It's just such a well done discussion of butchness, chivalry, the cultural implications of butch masculinity and giving butches the freedom to do things like crochet. I especially love that it doesn't admonish those butches like my partner who pass as men but rather knows that they are part of the diversity of butchness. On of the things I adore about Ivan's storytelling style in general that comes through so well in this piece is the smoothness with which words are used. It's almost as though they are being led around a dance floor instead of a page.

It was really nice to read a piece like this, because I was actually right in the middle of starting the planning process to write a blog about a really horrific video that I found up on the Velvet Park magazine website. The video is called "Femme Coffee" and features some femme buddies talking about why they love "masculine woman".

I was trying to directly embed the video but it appears that there is a problem with Velvet Park's code that is preventing it from working so to see the video you have to go to the Velvet Park website and on the right side of the videos you will see different titles and can select "femme coffee."

The video is frightening to me for a number of reasons, firstly as a femme with disabilities I'm honestly shocked and appalled that any of the women on the film would say the word "retarded" and feel that was an appropriate word to use to express their discontentment with the ways in which butch/femme dynamics are understood by mainstream culture to be modeled after heterosexuality. Furthermore, I was utterly horrified by the complete lack of understanding they appeared to have about which butches are. This short little video podcast claims to be making a case for gender being constructed, and performed but really does nothing but box in butches and femmes into small boxes that I'm honestly shocked anyone is supporting in 2009.

At one point in the film the women talk about how they believe there are "almost no butch women because the culture of butchness is to be trans," and how they think that in 2009 butch is looked at "as a stopping point on the way to trans." Now clearly this is their experience and perspective, which they are allowed to have, but at the same time it's no wonder that this is there experience when they are so unwilling to understand butchness as a transgressive identity that means different things to different people. Instead they seem content to box butches in with some pretty hefty stereotypes, including completely silencing any possibility of trans butches. I think this notion of a butch and FTM "border war" is absolutely absurd. The boundaries have never been clear-cut as people like the women in this film would like everyone to believe.

Essentially the crux of all their arguments are that so many of the butches they see lack non misogynistic role models, and thus their masculinity is based on that oppressive paradigm.

All that says to me is that clearly these femmes know the wrong butches!

Lifted here from Sinclair, so many of you have probably already seen it, but just in case...

Sinclair says: "I’m told she already has about half of her subjects, but needs more, and that the majority of the women she’s interviewed are in their 50s and 60s. C’mon, twenty- and thirtysomethings, represent!"

RESEARCHER LOOKING FOR LESBIAN AND BISEXUAL WOMEN TO INTERVIEW BY PHONE ABOUT BUTCH/FEMME IDENTITIES.

Lesbians and bisexual women have used the terms “butch” and “femme” for over one hundred years but the meanings of these terms are vague and complex. I am looking to interview women about what butch and femme means to them, including women who don’t like these terms or don’t use these terms. I will focus on women in specific age groups (20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and over 50), those who are single and in relationships, in rural and urban settings, and from diverse ethnic and racial groups. I will ask interviewees the following questions:

• Describe what the terms “butch” and “femme” mean to you. What are some characteristics of a butch and a femme woman? How important or valuable are these terms to you?
• How are conceptions of butch/femme similar to or difference from conceptions of masculine/feminine?
• How do you think your lesbian/bisexual communities view butch and femme? Is there a difference between lesbian and bisexual women in how butch or femme they are or supposed to be?
• How do you think mainstream heterosexual society views lesbians or bisexual women that are butch or femme? How are butches versus femmes accepted by families of origin, in the workplace, as mothers? Are hate crimes directed at women based on masculine appearance or attributes?
• How would you describe yourself in butch/femme terms? Has your self-identity about being butch/femme changed over time? In what ways? Are there situations where you feel more butch or femme? What are they?
• Do you currently have a lover? Describe your lover in butch/femme terms. How is this similar to or different from previous lovers? Are you attracted to women based on certain physical or personality characteristics? If so, how are these related to someone being butch or femme? How is being butch or femme related to sexual activity?
• Describe which household tasks you and your lover do, and who does which tasks. (If children) describe which childcare tasks you and your lover do, and who does which tasks.
• How does being butch/femme fit in with feminism? With being queer? With being transgender?
• In what ways are conceptions of butch/femme related to power and control?
• Is there anything else you want to say about butch/femme identities and roles?

Please email me at erothblu@mail.sdsu.edu and let me know something about yourself and how butch/femme identities figure in your life. Thanks for your interest!

Esther Rothblum, Professor of Women’s Studies, San Diego State University

Technorati Tags: butch, butch/femme, comm, femme, femme identity, identities, identity, research, study, university study