This Friday January 16th at 7pm Femina Potens brings you Shanna Katz aka Essin' Em. Essin' Em will be presenting Basics of Poly and Relationship Mapping workshop.
This workshop is primarily a lecture and discussion on the ideas of polyamory, open-relationships, non-monogamous relationships, etc. In addition to talking about what poly is (and what it can and does mean to different people), we'll go over the basic types of relationships that people have (primary, secondary and tertiary) in their lives, how we can map them, patterns to look for, and what we can get out of these maps. We'll also discuss communication and negotiation with your partners, mediation, and what to do when one or more of you is feeling hurt. Come open minded, and prepared examine your own relationship(s).

Workshop is $10 - $15 sliding scale, no one turned away for lack of funds.

Shanna Katz (aka Essin-Em) is a kinky, queer, non-monogamous, feminist, politically active, sex-educator Femme, with a bit of twisted sense of humor. Her sexuality blog "Sexuality Happens" can be found at www.Essin-Em.com. She spends her time pondering sex, sexuality, the gender spectrum, non-traditional relationships, sex toys, erotic writing, queer sexuality, new definitions of feminism and more.

She has a Master's in Human Sexuality Education, and does work both online and face-to-face, educating people in a variety of ways about a variety of subjects. She has done trainings, workshops and written curricula for numerous universities including SUNY-Purchase, Colorado College and Princeton University, and has presented at the Planned Parenthood Association of Bucks Country (Doylestown, PA), Passional Toys (Philadelphia, PA), Hysteria Boutique (Denver, CO) and S.E.X. PhD (Denver, CO). In her free time, she's a mother to her kitty Kinsey, and is a roller derby referee for the Denver Rollers Dolls. For more information on Shanna, go to www.ShannaKatz.com.

Femina Potens is located at 2199 Market St. @ Sanchez. SF,CA 94114. www.feminapotens.org.

Reserve your tickets early at Brown Paper Tickets.

Technorati Tags: Essin' Em, Femina Potens Art Gallery, non-monogamy, poly, polyamory, relationship mapping, sex education

When I decided at the age of 26 that I was going to finally gender transition, I was lovingly informed that I had to hang up my heels and become a real guy. One photographer friend of mine offered to give me “dude lessons” (sadly, not a euphemism for having sex with him). Another old friend informed me that transguys don’t do drag, or wear makeup. A small army of FtM folks and their allies I knew said that for the first few years after transition you have to stay a mans man in some way… its hard enough for people to get used to the pronoun change.

So I did. I would dress sharp in 3 piece suits or maybe on a brave day wear a pair of goggles and go a bit steam punk… but that was it. I bound back my breasts, started on hormones, jumped through hoops getting ready for surgery, and always dressed as butch as I could imagine. I found this all hilarious, mixed in with the hilarity. I mean, hadn’t others challenged me into being a high femme woman?

Growing up I didn’t identify femme. I wasn’t allowed to really. I was a genderqueer kid who was taller than anyone else in her class, sprouting up to 5’9” in 4^th grade before settling in just shy of 6ft. I was strong, a math wiz, and brainiac. The reality is no one who knew me as a kid was surprised when I came out as debating gender as a teen or finally transitioned in my mid-late 20s. And as the strong brainiac one who would never dream of being under a size 16, it was oh so easy to become a street punk butch dyke.

But I was doubling as a femme fag. My first boyfriend saw it and encouraged it, but the women I dated all saw my size and firmness and boy-ness and went “oh- BUTCH!” The lenses we each wear, right? But that vision from the men I dated of me as super curvy goddess led to that flicker of femme to grow. To simmer. To bubble. And eventually it became this thing I wore, a fine layer of lip gloss under the surface of my being. The thing I broke out and put on high volume when I needed to sneek into a nightclub- breasts first and deep red lips following.

I finally fell in love with a bloke in England who, based on our Dominant/submissive dynamic, informed me I would become a woman. More accurately, a high femme he’d be proud to have on his arm. Well, the lip gloss just beneath the surface was there, so he just scratched and peeled away the outer flesh and built that gloss up to a high shine. Platform boots, velvet skirts, growing my hair out, learning how to do makeup that wasn’t for the stage. But it always was a bit drag queen or costume… which was oddly hot for me. It was femme, but looking back, it was femme fag.

By the time he and I broke up, it had become habit for venturing out in public. Lipstick as my sword, corset as my armor, handbag as my shield. I was still a mix- punk patches, combat boots… I always will be, and I personally believe that all of those things are femme too. Thus when I arrived in the adult film industry, I had a great rack, a collection of heels, over the top makeup… and a career was born.

But 6 years later I shaved my head, and another year later I began discussing my transition out loud. People looked at me and started arguing. But aren’t you femme? Don’t you love corsets, heels, and being fabulous? Don’t you perform, cook, and do sex work?

I had flashbacks to being in high school at my therapists office. I had heard about this FtM thing and decided it was me. She looked at me and said, but don’t you prefer men? Overall, yes, but I sometimes like girls too. But don’t you say you like wearing women’s clothes? Yes, I do, so what. Stockings are sexy. But didn’t you say you are not dysphonic about your vagina? Its true- I like having sex with my vagina.

We’re not interested in creating a fag, she said.

It was all back. You have one right way to do it. That’s it.

Bullshit.

It had been 14 months since I had publically come out as being trans, changed my name in the public world, and 5 months after my chest surgery. I was going to a sexuality conference called Dark Odyssey and was going to go to their formal dinner night. Everyone I knew was dressing to the 9s, and I had no idea what to wear.

My orange and black corset tumbled out of the closet.

I sucked in my breath, and heard them all yelling. The friend with the dude lessons. The councilor from high school. The what you should voices.

Girdle. Seamed stockings. Platform high heels. Layers of black skirts, short in front and long in back. Tight corset. Flat furry chest with a black wrap shirt over it to stay warm. Huge wig. Eye shadow. Mascara for miles. Lipstick. And glitter in my beard.

Whatever I am, femme is part of it. And its not about pleasing the world. Its about pleasing myself, and living fully.

A dude with glitter in his beard.

Technorati Tags: gender, gender presentation, identity, memories, queer, sex vs. gender, trans, transgender, transition, transmasculine, what femme is

This holiday season was alternately hectic and relaxed at the same time. I spent more hours than I would have liked to working a seasonal job at the mall in a gourmet food and snack store. Of course then I brought home half the store with me every night. On days off, we would visit with friends, cuddling quietly and watching movies or comedy specials.

All this togetherness time with people I love has confirmed for me my loving of hosting great parties, and has shown me that my Southern hospitality rules are deeply rooted in my family history. Any time someone walked through the doors of our very tiny apartment, I made sure to offer them a drink and several rounds of food. But is hospitality a purely femme/feminine characteristic? Or is it just that I/we get a particularly keen sense of satisfaction when we are acting out this generous attribute? I know that I genuinely feel like I'm doing my gender "right" (of course there is no such thing as "right gender", but it makes me feel good about my performance).

Is this a characteristic that the rest of you lovely femmes value as well? Is it something unique to the south? Do you love making people feel comfortable well-taken-care-of when they're under your roof? Or do you foster a more relaxed environment where people are free to fend for themselves and take whatever they need when they need it? I'm interested, so speak up!

Technorati Tags: feminine, femme, femmes, gender, Holiday, home, southern hospitality

I was scrolling through the Femme's Guide Archive, seeing what I've missed over the year...trying to get inspired...and I realized there wasn't a single post tagged to highlight the social network FetLife...and that just seemed...wrong!

So I am here to amend that oversight because I am totally in love with this social networking site. Think Myspace. Think Facebook. Then add into it a space that actually allows you to be yourself. Seriously. Not to take anything away from their tagline, because it actually reads, ""FetLife is a social utility, like Facebook and mySpace, designed specifically for the BDSM & fetish community and run by sexual deviants. We think it is more fun that way. Don't you?"

I do! I do!

Sign me up, Johnny!

(Actually a lovely Canadian, John Baku, really is the mad genius behind the scenes.)

(Hmmm, I wonder if he would spank me if he knew I was calling him Johnny?)

I know some of my friends who have been saying for months that they will join when they are certain it is going to be around awhile...I wasn't one of those people. I stumbled across them 320 days ago and joined the same day. They were two months old give or take and I think I visited every single persons individual page in short order...there just weren't that many people. I didn't care...there were people there that I could talk kink with...and wouldn't care that I was a bisexual, femme, switch who mostly topped girls but liked to bottom for boys. BTW they even understood my language! I was in heaven...

Three hundred and twenty days later, there are more people than I can keep up with, coming from the U.S. Canada, Australia, over 50 European countries, Asia, and Africa. Kinky people are flocking to FetLife...and for good reason:

Imagine a place that gives you choices of gender when you sign up: Male, Female, Trans M-F, Trans F-M, Gender Fluid, Gender Queer, Intersex.

Or a place that asks you to define your sexual orientation: Straight, Heteroflexible, Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, Queer, Pansexual, or Fluctuating/Evolving...(and here, my only complaint is that I'm not given a choice for Femme or Butch, but then there would be a need for Dyke, Boi, Futch...I'm beginning to see why they leave it as lesbian...besides, there is an "About Me" section where I can tell everyone exactly who I am, what I want, need, desire...etc...and trust me, members get fairly explicit. Nice.)

Finally, they ask to define your role: Dominant, Switch, Submissive, Master, Mistress, Slave, Top, Bottom, Fetishist, Kinkster, Sadist, Masochist, Sadomasochist, Vanilla, Not Applicable, or Unsure. (Honestly, I get the "Unsure" but "Not Applicable"? Mind boggling.)

It only takes a few minutes to register...and like any social networking site I think deciding on a login name is the hardest part. I've never been very good with cutsie names...I mean can you see me as *"FuzziSmittenKitten" or *"LoveToSuck"...me either. I chose "Roxy_Harte." Just me. Not that I don't REALLY get a kick out of reading other people's names. Because I do. Some members have chosen really kick-ass names. I wish I was that creative...

I love FetLife so much, that a few months ago I became a Greeter...

Oh, I didn't tell you about that part...

When I joined Fetlife, John Baku personally greeted me...although at the time, I'm not certain that I realized that he was the mad genius behind the scenes...I did realize that he was greeting me in an official capacity though. And that wowed me. Because it didn't seem like a form letter. But maybe it was, because I admit to being slightly jaded and mostly skeptical...I replied to his greeting...and guess what? He replied back! He really was an honest to goodness person behind the avatar.

That stuck with me...and now, as a Greeter...I try to make every person I greet feel welcome...and let them know that FetLife is about the living, breathing people behind the avatars. And that we are all kinky...

Think you are too kinky? Too weird to be welcomed?

Or maybe not kinky enough?

Toss those worries aside...everyone is respected for their kinks, for their fetishes.

And disrespecting a fetish isn't tolerated because it takes a lot of bravery to come out of the kink closet...FetLife is a place where you honestly can be yourself...and for some people I'm learning, it is the only place...

Groups? Did you ask about groups? Sure there are groups and lively discussions too...scarily intelligent, insightful conversations too...

I tried to limit myself to five groups...and failed...I think I've joined twenty now...It was really just too hard keeping myself limited like that, my interests are too many and too varied. Some of the more active groups I've joined are: Androminetophilia Transmen, Butches, Bois (and those who love them); BDSM Poets and Writers From Around The World; BDSM Theory; Bisexual Masters, Mistresses, Subs, or Slaves; Breath Play; Butch/Femme Queers; Edge Play; Kinky and Geeky; and Mental BDSM...

That doesn't even scratch the surface of interests, so you will have to check it out for yourself to find you niche.

So, if you are in the mood to add some kink to your new year, come out of the kink closet this year, share your kink this year, or just find some old kinky friends (because they've probably beat you there)...stop in, say hello...there are a lot of people waiting to meet You!

www.fetlife.com

*As of this posting there was no Fetlife member with the login FuzziSmittenKitten or LoveToSuck...so feel free to use if you so desire...and if anyone chooses either of these names after this posting without previous knowledge of this post...I meant no disrespect.

Technorati Tags: FetLife

So I had this new super part time job doing promotional marketing. Like 3-5 hours a week. Of course, now that we're in the economy crisis, they've cut out their street team, but that's beside the point.

On the first day working in the field (and by "in the field," I mean taking pictures and giving away swag at a local dive bar), I was partnered with a gay guy. Haha. Funny. Put the two queers in a punk rock filled dive bar (actually, it was a bar I love - Friday nights they spin nothing but 80s!) trying to give away, via raffle, a bunch of snowboarding stuff. I think we had like 5 people enter. Regardless, we were joking about how funny it was that the only two out people on the promotional team were put together on an assignment...and not one at a gay club at that.

My boss stopped by to see how things were going, and I pointed this out to her. She looked at me.

"Really? You're a lesbian (I decided not to explain the whole 'No, I'm QUEER' thing to her at this point in time)? I would never have guessed. I mean, you don't LOOK gay."

I turned to my gay partner. "Really? I mean, you knew, right?"

He looked me up and down. "I mean, not really. She's right. You don't really LOOK gay."

I sighed.

It's not the first time I've heard this. Or second. Or even hundredth time that someone has said something like this to me. Apparently, I missed the memo on what gay/queer people are SUPPOSED to look like.

Last month, I was on a rooftop bar (yes, Denver has rooftop bars open, even in the snow. We're hardcore) celebrating a friend's birthday. I met a group of queer women, and gravitated towards them. One was talking about how frustrating it was that no one read her as a lesbian. I told her that I had (obviously), and then another girl in the group turned towards me.

"You're a lesbian? I mean, you don't really look it. If I saw you in a bar, I'd definitely think straight girl with alternative style."

Gah. Damn it. What the fuck is "lesbian style??" I am not double popping my collars, getting an asymmetrical hair cut, tattoos on my arms, etc. I don't wear button downs, ties and fedoras out. I was not born of the jean skirt and boots revolution. I like Butch style...when the person about to kiss/fuck/chat with me is wearing it, but not on me. Why the hell should I have to change my style in order for me to "look gay??"

Fuck that.

I am a Femme that rarely wears lipstick or heels. I wear what I want to wear, what I feel comfortable and hot in, what fits me and my personality. I will not cave. I may not "look gay" to apparently either gay or straight people, but I am comfortable in both my style and my sexuality, and see no reason to change for others.

Every now and then, I begin to get fed up. I begin to wonder if I should. And then I am reassured. Last Spring, I was panicking about this, and Sinclair told me that any Butch would obviously know I was a feisty Femme. In my recent panic, I was thinking about trying to fit in more. Then a cute dyke in my Strap-On 101 class and I were chatting, and I said something about color-coordinating my sex toys (which I DO do), and she looked and me and said "god, you're SUCH a Femme!" One little sentence, and it was so nice to hear. I was seen as my identity. It didn't matter that I was wearing pants and a button down shirt (albeit, a polka dot button down) - she saw that little Femme spark in me.

So I ask you, please don't ever tell people things like "you don't look gay" or "you don't look disabled." Unless you know a person, and are close, and are joking with them, these are things that aren't ok. I mean, if I'm rocking my polka dot crutches, and am worried about some where we're going, and my friend says "what? you're handicapped? I never would have guessed," it's one thing. Or if my friend is wearing a giant rainbow feather boa, and I tell her that she just doesn't look queer enough, that's something different. But to tell someone that they don't fit into part of their identities because of how they look? That's just silly.

That's all I have to say on this for now.

Adapted from a post on www.Essin-Em.com

Technorati Tags: Essin' Em, identity, lesbian, queer, rant

Find the Pink or Deep Rose Gigi along with other vibrators and sex toys of every flavor on SexToy.Com.

Much thanks to SexToy.Com for letting me review the LELO Gigi!

Technorati Tags: lelo, review, sex, sex toy, sex toys, sextoy.com, toys, vibrator, vibrators

My Top Femme Moments of 2008
Obviously I’m a little late in getting this posted, but I figure that we’re within a week of New Years so I’m fashionably late right?  2008 was a really great year for me, it brought exciting advancements on both of my books (one of which comes out *this  year *) really settling into living in NYC, new friends, career advancements both in the nonprofit world, and artistically etc.  I decided that a great way to commemorate 2008 would be to do Top 10 femme moments of the year broken into a few categories:

1.    Top femme shoes of the year:  Without a doubt the winner here has to be my hot pink vinyl flats with rainbow trim and stars on the bottom, they were a killer clearance find and I actually don’t wear them outside for fear of them not lasting forever.

2 . Top femme bonding experience:  This one would absolutely have to go to The Femme Show but for an individual experience I think that it’s tied between our show at Queer Spirit Camp where Havalah and I dished about how hot we found a particular middle-aged butch and then the trip up to Boston for our show there.

3. Top Lipstick of the year: without a doubt goes to my favorite dark red MAC topped with lip glass

4. Top femme desert: my partner’s absolutely killer red velvet cupcakes! Cupcakes are to me the ultimate femme desert, ze calls me hir cupcake as a term of endearment and well I’m pretty mad about anything cupcake

5. Top femme writing moment: having two of my stories accepted into ‘Visible: a Femmethology’ two volume anthology of femme experience that will be released from Homofactus Press this march (p.s. if you want a discount code worth 28% off on February pre-orders sign up for the newsletter at: http://homofactuspress.com/index.php/bookseller_page/our_newsletter/)

6. Favorite outfit of the year: this is a hard one but I think it might go to a killer green plaid dress that is everything I love about queering and perverting 1950’s housewife fashion! One of the best parts with this of course was that one of my really good femme friends and I used to work together- and the DAY AFTER we both bought this dress (unknown to each other) we wore it to the office, everyone spent the day in stitches about our unintentional twin day

7. Top femme craft received:  this goes to Ms. Hinterland and the beautiful pillow that she made for me in our femme swap

8. Top femme blog: The Femme’s Guide! I was really excited when I was invited to join because I’d been admiring how fantastic this site was ☺

9. Top femme color of the year- this is sort of a winner every year, but PINK!

10. BFF (Best Femme Friend): I’ve made so many incredible femme friends this year that there is no way I could pick just one to mention here.  In many ways this was the year of me feeling like I had a femme community that I belonged to, and I’m so grateful to all of my femme friends : )

From The Full Body Project by Leonard Nimoy

I've been thinking a lot about size in general, both big and small and everywhere in between. Chicory (who I met face-to-face and is fantastic!) and I have been conversing about it, via email, comments, and in our meeting yesterday, and inspired by Thursday's Child's Sex and Intimacy Project I want to pose some questions to all of you.

Size acceptance is coming to be an issue I am passionate about. I've forever had the same hangups as, well, just about everyone in this culture. The same negative feelings towards my size. Though it's important to distinguish between health and size, even though our society does not really view it that way. We are told that thin equals healthy and fat equals unhealthy, though I know plenty of thin people who eat much much worse than I do, and yet. But I digress.

The questions I want to pose have to do with the intersection of size and sexuality in your life. They may have no intersection at all, or you may have never thought of the intersection, but either way I want to hear about it. This may seem obvious, but the most interesting aspect, I believe, will be to see how everyone differs and what similarities there are, as well as being able to get a glimpse of the person within their answers.

Weight and size are touchy subjects in our culture, as is sexuality. Both have to do with the body and have moral judgments thrust upon them. Both are aspects of the self that are extremely personal and also that have strong cultural expectations and meanings. Both affect the way we present ourselves and think about ourselves.

The Size & Sexuality Study is a series of interviews highlighting real people’s answers to the questionnaire below. At the end of the posting of interviews (end date not known) I will post my own reactions to the study as well as my own answers, and how reading the feelings and thoughts of all these interesting and informative people has affected me over the space of the study.

Want to answer the questions? Fill out the questions below and send them to me: scarletsexgeek AT gmail DOT com

In order for these interviews to be what I would consider successful I need you to be completely honest. This is about real people talking honestly about their bodies and their sexuality, recognizing what society tells us about our bodies and recognizing how that affects our own ideas about how we should or should not act. If you wish you thought one way but really think another I want to hear that, not just what you wish you thought.

The focus of these questions are not just on large/fat/plus-sized women, I'm interested in answers from everyone of all sizes, all genders, all sexes, and so on. If you want to answer them, please do!

Feel free to skip any of the general info questions you are not comfortable answering, but please do answer all of the others. The more in-depth the answers the better, but in-depth and lengthy are not always the same thing (though they can be).

General Info
Name (what you'd like to be called):
Age:
Gender identity and presentation:
Sexual identity:
Relationship status:
Blog/Website (if you have one):

Size & Sexuality
What size is your body (you can use dress/pant sizes, a general description, anything you're comfortable with, though remember that not all terms mean the same thing to the same people.)?
How comfortable are you with your body both in general and your body size specifically?
How has your relation with and attitude toward your body and the size of your body changed over time?
How important is sexuality to your life?
How has your relation with and attitude toward your sexuality changed over time?
How comfortable are you with expressing yourself and your body sexually?
How comfortable is society with the idea of viewing your body as sexual?
Through answering these questions and/or thinking about your relation to your body and your sexuality, have you noticed any links or similarities between the two? If so, what?
Anything else you would like to add?

Feel free to ask any questions you may have in the comments or via email, but please don't answer the questionnaire in the comments. sizeandsexuality AT gmail DOT com

I have already started posting the interviews:
One: luna[KM]
Two: icecoldbath

-Scarlet Lotus

Technorati Tags: body, fat, gender, identity, sex, sexuality, size, size acceptance, society, women

As published on my new blog, The Queer Fat Femme Guide to Life.

I was walking my Shih Tzu Macy the other day through my neighborhood in Jersey City when we came across a stranger. He was another little white Shih Tzu, with no collar or leash. Macy, ever our ambassador to all friendly furry creatures, asked him what he was up to. She was unable to communicate with me what his exact business was in the street on a dark snowy NYC night, but I was able to pick him up, determine he was warm and smelled entirely too good to be a stray. There's no way I could just leave him on the street, in case he got hit by a car or fell prey to any other Shih Tzu dangers lurking about.

We took him home, where I made a little sign advertising that I'd found a white dog with my phone number. I figured if it was me, as soon as I realized Macy was gone I would flip out and scour the neighborhood--a few signs near where he was found would probably bring them out.

It took about an hour, my plan worked and little Gizmo was reunited with his family. Macy was a little annoyed that he spent the whole time at my apartment hanging out with me on the sofa and not playing with her, but we felt good about having done a good deed.

I told my gay boy BFF Brian about this, saying It's not like he's going to be able to fend for himself on the streets. What survival skills does a Shih Tzu have?

"Well, I think looking cute and being able to convince strangers to take you home and feed you until your people come get you is a survival skill."

And he is absolutely right. Being able to recognize when you need help and being open and available to receiving help is absolutely a survival skill.

This was brought into stark Femme relief for me during part 2 of my 3 part 30th birthday party celebrations, right after the Shih Tzu incident. I threw a party called "Ascots and Bouffants" at my friend Muse's apartment in Park Slope, Brooklyn. Muse was kind enough to host the party and was stressed about learning how to bouffant her hair. I offered to do her hair for her, having learned from my hair dresser in November (much to my intense joy).

This was the result after I did my own bouffant process using the technique from my stylist.

However, I have thick, long hair and Muse has fine, shoulder-length hair. It never occurred to me that my technique wouldn't work on Muse. I started working the backcomb action on her hair and this is what she looked part way through the process.

The results were less than ideal and disappointing for both of us, as we both wanted her to have fabulous high hair for my party.

Just as we made the revelation, my fabulous and gorgeous friend Bryn showed up (who Muse doesn't know very well). She's a hair dresser by trade and I instantly knew what we needed to do. Bryn!! I hollered. Can you fix this?

It took about 20 minutes, during which time I began to circulate and welcome guests. And the end result was a fabulous looking and very relieved Muse. By thinking fast and on my feet, I was able to make big hair happen for her, even though I wasn't able to do it myself.

Asking for help is a crucial skill for Femmes. There are so many things we can learn from each other. Almost everything I know about fatshion, beauty, make-up, self-esteem, and all the things in life I enjoy I've learned from my Femme sisters.

It is important to remember that vulnerability is a sign of strength, not weakness. Being open to showing people who you really are and articulating your needs is a great way to interact with people and make real, genuine connections. Had I been too proud to admit defeat when I realized 10 minutes into Muse's bouffant that I was not going to achieve the result we were after, she would have been stuck with hair she hated and I would have been stuck with a nagging feeling of letting her down that would have dampened the spirit of my party. Being at a point in my life and my confidence where I can ask my friends for help when I need it without being stuck in a feedback loop of shame or worrying about not seeming self-assured actually makes me more confident.

Even if I don't have a skill, I can get access to it pretty easily through my networks. And just like that Shih Tzu we found, I know I'll never really be out on the street long enough for my fur to get cold.

Big Femme Love in 200 and Fine!!

P.S. I also posted another series of Correspondence if y'all are interested.

Technorati Tags: Bevin Branlandingham, CommUNITY, fat, fatshion, femme, gender presentation, hair, high femme, nyc, real life, thank you

I have a thing for vampires. Just in general. Even before Twilight was written, I was going gaga over blood suckers. I even did a ridiculous vampire shoot with Chris back in August. I like being bitten. I'm always cold...but yet I don't wear socks, or really jackets. I rarely sleep, and am up all night. Like till 5 or 6am. Vampires rock my life.

So what, you may be asking, do vampires have to do with sex toys? Well, fetish items are toys too! And I love fetish toys. Floggers, nipple clamps and paddles - all things I enjoy and love.

But vampire gloves? FUCKING BRILLIANT.

What, you may ask, are vampire gloves? They are ordinary leather gloves that aren't quite so ordinary. Each finger (and thumb) on both gloves are covered with a large mass of metal spikes. The palm is spike free on my pair (although there are in fact vampire gloves available that have spikes on the palms as well).

For the most part, the spikes feel wonderful, but are fairly innocuous. They leave little scratch marks, but don't really draw blood. However, my left hand glove has some spikes that are a little sharper, or set a little off - something. And daaaaamn. They can HURT. As in draw blood. And leave lots o' scratch marks/small cuts for a few days.

The first time I played with them, it was last month with F. I was running them up and down her as she shuddered. Later, in the middle of watching Lesbian Life: Real Sex San Francisco, F and I wound up getting into a spanking scene. I was reddening her ass, and then would slooooowly dragged my spiked gloves over her red ass cheeks, feel her body climax into me over and over and over again. I actually like not having spikes on the palms, because then you can spank and smack with the palms, without having to take off the gloves in between.

Next, I brought them to a play party. I didn't have anything in mind, but then my cute friend who happens to be a Domme wanted to play with me (she has a thing about Hitachi Magic Wands, and I just so happened to have brought one with me). As she rummaged through my bag, she found the vampire gloves, and was completely entranced by them. They felt amazing as she ran them up and down my body. My arms, my back, my breasts, my thighs. I was already flying high, just from feeling the cold spikes against my skin.

However- the left glove scratched up the inside of my leg pretty bad, and I still have some cuts around my nipples from it. So if you're not into blood play, don't let a Domme (or Dom or top) grab hold of your gloves without making sure they are not as sharp anymore.

These are probably one of my favorite new toys...and I have a fuck ton of toys, so that's saying a lot. In fact, I think everyone, even people who are not super into fetishy things, should have their very own set of vampire gloves. Freaking amazing!

-Essin' Em

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