How-To Southern Style Biscuits

It is that time of year that those of us who love to cook and bake are found twirling about in our kitchens (or standing with a dishtowel over a shoulder -depending). Something about the first chill of the air makes me want to bake yummy things for anyone and everyone. And, you know, I won’t lie, some of it is the hyper-femininity of strutting in my kitchen, apron on, with flour on my elbows. I mean, it makes me feel sexy as hell. I adore baked goods (hat tip to my chunky behind), but I personally can’t stand the preservative taste that comes with most pre-baked items and even pre-boxed items. The older I get, the more my distaste for any kind of mystery ingredients that comes with pre-made/boxed items grows.

I have out-of-town company for the remainder of this week through the end of the weekend. My house has been busy. I was raised to treat houseguests to the sort of amenities you’d expect at a very nice hotel. And, I can’t seem to let this “house-must-be-stepford-perfect” thing go. This means that all bed linens have been stripped, baseboards have been scrubbed, plant leaves dusted, floors vacuumed, couch cover washed, throw cushions washed, kitchen completely deep-cleaned, scented plug-ins replaced, microwave scrubbed out, bathrooms made immaculate, new candles set out, front yard neatened, and finally, the house is full of baked goods. I do all of this because I want to visit with my friends while they are in town, not fuss over cooking and housework. Yet, at the same time, I do want to spoil them with edible homemade love.

Last night was spent pretty much in the kitchen, apron on, and hands deep in all sorts of goodies. Barbeque chicken was made, meat is marinating, enough pumpkin bars for an army were baked, and I whipped up a quick batch of my grandmother’s buttermilk biscuits. Because, you know, a good biscuit can cure just about everything.

I know a lot of you fab femmes have amazing biscuit recipes, but I thought this might be nice for those of you new to baking. So, just in time for fall baking time (and with enough time to perfect before Thanksgiving) here is my grandmother’s recipe for perfect biscuits.

You will need:

-2 cups of all-purpose flour

-¼ cup of shortening (room temp)

-3 Tblsp of butter (room temp)

-1 tsp of salt (not pictured)

-1 Tblsp of baking soda

-2 tsp of baking powder

-1-1 ½ cups of buttermilk (if you don’t have buttermilk put 1 Tblsp into 1 cup of milk and wait 5 mins. Voila! Buttermilk.)

-Something to roll out the dough (for a small batch like this I use a glass)

-Something to cut the dough (again I used the glass rim)

Preheat the oven to 475 degrees. Mix all the dry ingredients together in a large mixing bowl. Using a fork cut in the shortening and the butter. Hand-mix until the lumps are pea-sized. Pour small amounts of the buttermilk into the bowl and mix. Mix until the dough just begins to leave the sides of the bowl.

Remove the dough from the bowl. Knead 1-3 times. You don’t want to over-knead because it will make the dough tough. On a lightly floured surface, roll out the dough to about ½-1” thickness. Cut out biscuits.

Place biscuits on an ungreased cookie sheet about an inch apart. A greased cookie sheet will cause the bottoms of the biscuits to overcook and possibly burn. Melt some extra butter in the microwave. Brush on top of each biscuit.

Bake for 8-10 minutes, or until the tops are golden brown.

Remove and place in a bowl. Now you are ready to serve. My favorite way to eat a biscuit is with a lot of butter and some strawberry preserves. Yum. Enjoy!

Technorati Tags: baking

Click the Heart To Help The Butterfly Temptress

Never fear! I have more toys to review and report on, in fact I was planning to write about the We-Vibe today, which has an interesting twist to it, but I postponed it until next week to talk about VibeReview.com and The Butterfly Temptress Cancer Fund.

You see, recently it came to my attention that one of my friends was about to be cut off of her cancer treatments and pain management program because of she falls into that gap of making too much for the government to help and not making enough/underinsured to pay the medical bills that are pouring in as a result of chemotherapy and radiation treatment for her stage IV cervical cancer that has spread throughout her system. The thought of denying treatment and pain medication to a human being diagnosed with cancer is so incomprehensible to me - it's inhumane. What kind of a country do we live in?!

Her only choice is to turn to her CommUNITY, my CommUNITY, your CommUNITY for help. Times are tough though and even people who want to donate don't have it. I'm one of them. You might be, too. You can still help, though!

I contacted my friends at VibeReview.com to see if there was any way that they could help. They are a small company, but were just as impassioned as I was to do what they could do. On top of a financial sponsorship for part of the series, Life.Love.Cancer, on BestSexBloggers.com, VibeReview has agreed to allow affiliates to join in the fight. Now VibeReview.com affiliates can choose to donate their November commissions to The Butterfly Temptress Cancer Fund. VibeReview.com has agreed to double the amount and donate it to The Butterfly Temptress Cancer Fund.

If you are already a VibeReview.com affiliate, simply check the box on the registration page and VibeReview will take care of the rest. If you are not a VibeReview.com affiliate and you'd like to help, please do sign up. It's fast, it's easy, making links is as simple as click, copy, paste, and heck, after the fundraiser you could earn 20% of anything someone buys as a result of clicking from your link. It's not going to feed your family, necessarily, but it will add up and you can buy that fabulous pair of shoes you know you want but would never buy unless you had extra money.

I encourage you to get involved - in any way you can - spread the word, join up, click the box, and make a real difference. It's something we all say we want to do - now is the time to do it. We can make a difference. If you in a position to donate money directly to the Butterfly Temptress Cancer Fund, you can do so directly through her paypal link on my page or on TheButterflyTemptress.com.

Special Thanks to VibeReview.com for choosing compassion over profit. They truly are my first choice when it comes to online toy stores. I've worked with them all, and while some are good, there is a reason I exclusively promote VibeReview.com and this solidifies that exclusive relationship I have with them. When I say Catalina loves VibeReview.com, I'm 100% sincere.

Technorati Tags: butterfly temptress cancer fund, CommUNITY, VibeReview

This is my second strap-on harness, the first that I bought about four or five years ago, the Terra Firma Harness, and has served me well over the years, but as I always want more than one option for any given activity I decided it was time to get another harness. I looked around for something different, and something a little less basic than the terra firma with a little more show.

I was first attracted to this harness because of the back side of it. Similar to the Corsette Harness the Hardcore Harness laces up the back and emphasizes curves in all the right ways, wide enough to flatter any figure. It also has flame detail on the leather, which makes me think about bikers and leather style and is what gives this harness it's name. The harness is well-crafted and gorgeous.

My first priority when it comes to choosing a strap-on harness is if it will fit me, there are a number of harnesses that I lust over which are just simply too small for my body. Many harnesses only go up to 42" or so, which is fine if that fits you, but for those of us of the bigger variety we need to go for something larger. The Hardcore Harness fits up to 54" hips and smaller, I found it to fit well, with some room to maneuver around in as well.

Only the front and back of the harness are leather, and the front panel of leather can easily be taken off if you prefer to feel the dildo's base against you. The sides are nylon and have the kind of fasteners I associate with backpacks: ones that you can easily tighten and release by a tug, which makes putting it on and taking it off incredibly easy! It's also very easy to adjust The Hardcore Harness to exactly where you want it, tightening or loosening even while in the middle of fucking with it.

I've used this with both Bandito and Celestial Perfection (reviews coming soon) and it easily held each of them. It comes with an o-ring already which fits toys up to 2" in diameter, but you could easily exchange the o-ring for a smaller or larger ring to fit your toy perfectly.

It is a two-strap or jock-strap style harness and the front panel rests against the mound so it doesn't cover up the rest of the vulva at all. I also found The Hardcore Harness to be extremely comfortable as well, honestly I didn't notice it at all while wearing it, which is a great feeling to have when wearing a harness.

It's gorgeous and both feminine and masculine at the same time, easy and comfortable to wear, what's not to love? It was a perfect addition to my toybox, and has helped to re-awaken my love of strap-on sex, so look forward to more harness reviews in the future!

-Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Remember: you have 8 days left to take advantage of the Obama for President Coupon (vote for change!) from VibeReview, which will give you 10% off any purchase until November 4th!

Technorati Tags: dildos, feminine, femme cock, harness, leather, Reviews, sex, toys, VibeReview

If you know me for long enough you're sure to learn that I was a Girl Scout. Not just any kind of Girl Scout, though, I was a Gold Award-winning super-scout that spent years as a camp counselor, too. I carry with me a satchel of skills learned in my youth. I routinely impress people in all kinds of situations with my knot tying and ability to light a one-match fire.

Part of that satchel is, unfortunately, some leftover baggage from having been a fat kid. I have been fat as long as I can remember, there was never a moment where I "got" fat. Currently I am about a size smaller than I was when I graduated high school. I only wish I had been able to shed some of that fat shame early and treasured a lot more of the experiences I had as a teen, instead of dreading doing anything with my body and other people.

In scouts we would go camping about 6-8 times per year and usually hiking would be involved. I hated it because no matter what I would end up huffing and puffing at the back of the pack, more concerned with how I was holding people back and the physical toll it took than enjoying the scenery. As soon as I was a grown up and able to make decisions about recreation, I chose not to hike even when camping.

During my recent trip to California, my friend Anna* and I decided to go to Yosemite National Park for an overnight. We discovered once we got there that other than a couple of short nature walks, the real experience was in taking a hike up a mountain. I was prepared for this with a decent pair of sneakers (I no longer own hiking boots) and the resolution that I was going to go up this mountain on my terms.

I offer the disclaimer here that I am not suggesting anyone embark on any physical exertion without talking to their doctor first and making sure they have the proper equipment for whatever they are doing.

I made sure I had water, a bandanna, my ID, a small first aid kit and that I was comfortable. I know in scouts I would have gotten a lot of flack for hiking in a cute shirt and a skirt (it's actually a skooter from Torrid, but it sure looks like a skirt!) and a full face of make-up, but I think it's important to challenge yourself in reasonable ways. One thing I've learned from camping out at the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival is that one need not sacrifice style for the wilderness. Plus, my make-up is mineral make-up so it's sort of like wearing a bit of the mountain already.

I also told my companion, Anna, a fattie on the inside and a good fat ally, that she was at liberty to go on ahead of me if she wanted to, that I was going to be hiking at my comfort level. I wouldn't have offered that if we were on an isolated trail, but the Vernal Falls trail even in October was bustling. She knew better than to try to egg me on with "you can do it's!" and other typically well-meaning-but-it-sure-sounds-patronizing-just-ignore-me-already stuff fatties hear when we exercise.

On this hike I listened to my body. It is a really steep trail, and I went pretty slowly. I made sure my breathing was never labored and I felt like I was going at a rate that felt like a good challenge but was not too much. I also made sure I enjoyed the surroundings of the gorgeous trail--looking at the trees, smelling the amazing mountain air , admiring the incredible waterfall and spotting wildlife. In contrast to hiking as a youth, where I just couldn't wait to get it over with, I really invested in enjoying the experience.

Since I saw so many people on the trail I knew I was the fattest person on that trail. But I sort of knew that people were looking at me more because of my cupcake backpack than the fact that I'm a fattie. And who cares what other people think, as long as I'm enjoying myself and feeling really grateful to be a New Yorker on a mountain in one of the most gorgeous places on earth?

I made it about an hour and a half up that mountain and decided I'd had enough. The trail had turned into steps, I was pretty close to the top but the steps were granite, covered in silt and were slippery. I didn't want to fall down on my way back. So I told Anna (who kept hiking ahead of me and then waiting for me) to go as far as she wanted to and find me on the way back down.

On our way back to the Valley floor (she caught up with me) we saw a youth group hiking up. The kids were scattered across about a half mile of the trail, and sure enough the fatties were towards the back. I smiled broadly at them. I wish there was a way to make it so the speed of the kids on this group outing on the mountain was value-neutral. That it was more about the experience of being on the mountain and loving the scenery and not about the huffing and puffing to keep up. I wish there was a way for these kinds of growing up activities to not be a competition.

I was rewarded up at the top of my hike with a rainbow in that waterfall. I'm a homo, these things matter to me.

As an adult, I know I excel in a lot of areas, some of them physical, but "walking up hills for fun" is not my forte. But listening to my body and doing something I really enjoyed was the way I was able to reclaim something unpleasant from my youth on my own, new (and far more stylish) terms.

Knot tying though, knot tying I continue to enjoy...

*Anna is the Technical Editor for my podcast, FemmeCast: The Queer Fat Femme Podcast Guide to Life, and is single. We have a new minisode out, a road trip edition!

Technorati Tags: camping, exercise, fat, fatshion, femme, femme clothing, femmecast, gender presentation, high femme, hiking, natural, nyc, outdoors, real lesbians, thoughts

Ok, so this was not at all the blog that I anticipated writing as my introduction to blogging at The Femme’s Guide, but well sometimes life gets in the way. I’m so excited to be here and I really wanted my first blog to be something uplifting, but I’m just going to roll with this. This is the sort of blog that required a hot bath and freshly painted nails in order to be written, and this is the sort of day that reminds me how very, very, lucky I am to have found my own little femme community.  I think what it comes down to is that I have been spoiled, I have been incredibly, spoiled by finally having a social circle of femmes who understand me.  It might be having recently come off of a summer full of performances with The Femme Show, and being involved with tons of femme art, but today when I was faced with people going on about how makeup was a symbol of misogyny I was shocked, angry, and ultimately very sad.

When I first came out as a lesbian I didn’t see femmes. The few femmes I would come to see over the next couple of years were routinely the punch lines of jokes, and their clothes, accessories, and everything else “feminine” abut them was publically ridiculed.  It took me years to feel comfortable in my own skin to realize that adopting masculinity was not the only way to play with gender transgression, and that all those years of failed butcheness, was really about emulating what I desperately wanted to fall in love with.  Perhaps my experience is uncommon but I have never really felt a great deal of societal pressure to conform to norms of femininity, I did however experience intense sub-cultural pressure to emulate maleness to prove that I was dykeish enough.
I think one of the things that stuck with me in this afternoon discussion was the fact that there are * still * people in the world, that fully and truly believe that femmes are nothing more than patriarchal tools, that we are fooled by an oppressive society, and deploy femininity as a means to gain cultural acceptability.  First of course it makes me angry and I had a nice long pouty processing session with two of my good femme friends to get through some of that, but I was still left really angry at the thought that I (and femmes in general) could be so misunderstood as to leave people with the impression that we were clueless, and that we lacked agency to make decisions about how we chose to perform our gender and sexuality and the ways in which we exist in the world. Furthermore, the thought that my life and gender could in some way be reduced to an article of clothing is not only shocking but incredibly insulting.  Is an androgynous dyke nothing more than the baggy jeans that are worn? Is a butch nothing more than a pair of boots or leather jacket? I can’t imagine anyone honestly making an argument like that, however when it comes to femmes as much as I hate to admit it, sometimes it’s still open hunting season.

Technorati Tags: makeup

Vera, from ForYourNymphomation, was kind enough to not only donate some awesome toy cases for contests (such as my blogiversary contest - you have one week left. I have only received 2 entries so far, so you have a good chance...send 'em on in!), but she also included two cases for me. One of them, as seen above, is the Foot Long Storage Case. I have the one in the textured black, which is really quite nice, and also seems to be quite durable. This is my 3rd item so far from FYN, and both my rolling trunk and sex toy chest have lasted...through two moves, a trip to Dinah Shore, my cats lying on them, a few kink nights, some presentations, and oh yes, normal use as well.

Like all FYN products, this foot long case comes with a lock. Not great for travel (I'd suggest zip ties, for the security people can just cut them off), but good for parties, or if you have noisy kids/friends. This particular case comes in a variety of colors (see above), and while I'm kind of craving the leopard print (this IS me we're talking about), I really like the look and the feel of the textured black.
It fits my hitachi (with a tiny bit hanging out). It fits all of my silicone (non double-ended) dildos. It fits my black GRANITE DILDO. It fits my safer sex supplies. It fits lube. Sadly, it doesn't fit my harness or flogger....but really, would you expect it to? Basically, if it's less than a foot, and longer than it is wide, it'll fit it (it also fits some cosmetics too...you never know!)

It's also super discreet (looks kind of like a make-up bag), and will fit well by itself, or in other luggage (sex toy or other wise), so good for home, play parties, or travel. If you have dildos, vibes, nipples clamps, and the like, and need somewhere to store them, I highly recommend this. And actually, any FYN case. I <3 all of them!

-Essin' Em

Technorati Tags: for your nymphomation, sex toy case, sex toys

Image from my own batch, Thanksgiving 2007

Inspired by Essin' Em's post on how to make pumpkin pancakes, I thought I'd share one of my favorite recipes, also fall- and pumpkin-related, delicious pumpkin cinnamon rolls. Although I'm not quite as obsessed with pumpkins as Essin' Em admits to being, I do love pumpkin, especially these and pumpkin chocolate chip cookies (which I may also post a recipe for!), and I'm definitely going to be making the pumpkin pancakes she gave us the recipe for.

I found this recipe last year via the Vegetarian community on LiveJournal, just in time for Thanksgiving. That was the first time I made them, and let me say, they made Thanksgiving last year. They are amazingly delicious, if you like cinnamon rolls or pumpkin you will love these!

The recipe is for vegan pumpkin cinnnamon rolls (use Earth Balance or another vegan margarine), but you can (of course) make this non-vegan by using regular milk and vegan or non-vegan margarine. I made it vegan, though I'm not vegan but vegetarian, but I don't really do milk and I already had soy milk, so it was just due to not wanting to buy cow's milk. I'm sure it's delicious either way.

Pumpkin Cinnamon Rolls

Dough:
1 package dry yeast (about 2 1/4 teaspoons)
1/4 cup warm water
3/4cup Pumpkin Puree
1/4 cup soy milk (or cow's milk if you prefer)
1/4 cup margarine, melted
1 tablespoon granulated sugar
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/4 teaspoons salt
1/2 t cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 t ground ginger
3/4 c all-purpose flour
1 T vegetable oil

Filling:
3 tablespoons granulated sugar
3 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
2 tablespoons chilled margarine, cut into small pieces

Glaze:
3/4 cup sifted powdered sugar
1 tablespoon hot water
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

In a large bowl, combine the warm water with the yeast and whisk together with a fork, let stand for 5 minutes. Add the pumpkin, milk, melted margarine, and sugar in with the yeast, and lightly mix. Sift in the first two and a half cups of flour, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger, and beat with a mixer at medium speed until smooth.

Turn dough out onto a floured surface. Take the remaining 3/4 cup of flour and use it to flour the top of the dough and your surface a tablespoon at a time, as needed to keep the dough from getting sticky as you knead it. Knead the dough for about ten minutes, the dough will be elastic but soft and still a little sticky to the touch without being floured.

Place the dough in a large bowl coated with oil, turning to coat the top. Cover and let rise in a warm place (85°), free from drafts, for 45 minutes or until doubled in size.

Punch the dough down; cover and let rest for 5 minutes.

Combine the sugar, brown sugar, flour, and cinnamon in a small bowl. Cut in margarine with a fork until mixture resembles coarse meal.

Roll the dough into a 12 x 10-inch rectangle on a floured surface. Sprinkle with brown sugar mixture. Roll up the rectangle tightly, from the long side, pinch seam and ends to seal. Cut roll into 12 (1-inch) slices. Place the slices in a 9-inch square or round baking pan coated with cooking spray. Cover and let rise 25 minutes or until doubled in size.

Preheat oven to 375°.

Bake the rolls for 20 minutes or until golden brown. Cool for 15 minutes in pan on a wire rack.

Sift the powdered sugar into a small bowl. Add the water and vanilla, and whisk until smooth. It should be thick, but easy to drizzle. If it’s too thick, add another 1/2 teaspoon of water.

-Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Technorati Tags: cooking, Fall, pumpkin, recipe

While I cannot define it as a true fetish (I don't NEED it to get aroused/get off), I have what most people would call a pumpkin fetish.  I LOVE pumpkin EVERYTHING.  Pumpkin scented candles, pumpkin bread, pumpkins to carve (I have one in my car named Antwone just waiting to be carved up), roasting pumpkin seeds, pumpkin smoothies, pumpkin lattes, pumpkin chai, pumpkin covered nail polish, pumpkin pie, pumpkin cake.  It sounds like an obsession...and to be perfectly honest, it kind of is.  Nothing is better and more delicious than pumpkin.  For a last cute present before we broke up, one of my ex's gave me a jar of pumpkin pie spice...to flavor my pumpkin soy milk (OH MY GOD SO GOOD!).

But most of all, more than ALL those other pumpkin things, I LOVE pumpkin pancakes.  I started eating them fall of my sophomore year of college. IHOP (international house of pancakes) has them seasonally, and my nerdy group of friends used to go to IHOP every Saturday night after Rocky Horror Picture Show, and the Tuesday each block before the end of the block.  And I discovered pumpkin pancakes.  Over the years, I've had them add chocolate chips, I've tried them with various syrups, whipped cream, powdered sugar, you name it.  They are amazing. Here is a picture from senior year, eating them with friends:

Yes, they're that good.  These particular ones are with chocolate chips and whipped cream.

After I left Colorado, I decided it was high time I learn to make my own damn pumpkin pancakes. And so I did.  I cooked them for myself, for friends, with my ex, you name it.  Over time, I have perfected my recipe. And today, because I love Femmes as much as I love pumpkin pancakes, I share it with you.

First, mix these dry ingredients together in a bowl:

1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

3 tablespoons sugar

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon ground ginger

1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie seasoning

1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

1/2 teaspoon sea salt

 Once you'd done that, in a separate bowl, mix together these wet ingredients:

1 cup milk (I use skim)

¾ cup canned pumpkin puree (unsweetened)

2 tablespoons melted butter

1 egg

After that is all nice and mixed, fold mixture into dry ingredients, and stir a lot to get all the clumpage out.

You can use a pan or a skillet - I have a pan, so I use that. I've experimented both with olive oil and melted butter as my base for non-stickage - both work fine, so choose which ever you prefer.  You can make BIG pancakes, or little dollar pancakes or anything in between.  About 2-3 minutes per side - don't forget to check them and flip them.  I like to serve them with either powdered sugar or whipped cream...my current partner likes them with maple syrup - it's up to you.  Makes enough for 4 people (or two people who are holed up having sex for 24-hours). They re-heat well AND taste good cold.

So happy fall season!  Enjoy the blessing o' pumpin!

-Essin' Em

Technorati Tags: cooking, Fall, pumpkin, recipe

Somewhere along the line, someone pointed out to me that I was too Femme for my own good. At the time I wouldn’t have dreamed of leaving the house without full makeup… Manicure…
And Pedicure.
I mean even in winter, the boots and socks have to come off at some point. Right?
At the time, I snickered and didn’t give it much thought.

Years later, I was told in a group setting by a well meaning lesbian friend that I needed to “Give up the charade” that I was just a “cunt-tease and nothing more unless I made a committed effort to come out of the closet and give up men forever” because in her words “bisexuality is a myth.” Everyone except me laughed…

Whatever.

But that statement made me shirk labels for years. It was no one’s business whether I was straight, or bi, or lesbian. Or so I thought…but maybe that single statement made me withdraw from a group of women who until that moment had been a source of comfort because they'd accepted me for who I was.

I like to think I know who I am…and since I am a creature who is always growing, changing, evolving…I don’t let labels play a big part of creating who I am. Sure, some labels are necessary; they help us communicate to a certain level of who we are. Today, I’m willing to own a few labels that help identify me: Woman, Female, Wife, Mother, Bisexual, Femme...

But does that mean I can’t step out of the role sometimes?

Roles.

Are we all just role-playing?
Some days, it seems that way. That we are all playing some weird form of dress-up to get across the point of who we are, without saying the words.

A few days ago I came downstairs wearing a consensual-partner-beater, jeans, and my biker boots. I didn’t think about it. I woke up. I got dressed. Came down for breakfast. My husband said, “Wow, we’re feeling a little dyke today.” Of course my first response was, “We are?” But then, after breakfast was cleared, I looked in the mirror. I’d neglected to put on makeup, my hair was in a tight pony-tail, and as in 90% of the time, my wallet and cell phone were in the right hip pocket.

I did an about face and went back upstairs. It bothered me that he saw me that way…too.

Maybe it had just been an excruciatingly long week and I was really too tired to go to the trouble to straighten my hair, put on makeup, and choose a color coordinated outfit…

Or maybe something else was going on. Maybe I’m tiring of wearing my Femme label all of the time. After all, my twenty-three year old daughter had told me only a few days earlier that I was “getting a little too dyke all of a sudden”. What in the hell does that mean anyway? Then the next day, I had a very cute, very femme young blonde in my lap, whispering in my ear all of the terribly naughty things she wanted me to do to her…and in the moment I really didn’t feel very femme at all…

Upstairs, I pulled on a tiny black cropped leather jacket over the white tank, exchanged my biker boots for sexy high heeled black boots, and threw on big hoop earrings and a long necklace. I straightened my hair and applied make-up. When I came back down, I demanded, “Are we still feeling a little dyke today?”

My husband swallowed, shook his head, and managed, “Femme fatale?”

I smiled and said, “You better fucking believe the Fatale part…if one more person says I’m trying too hard to be dyke…”

He grabbed me and kissed me. He said, “I like it when you’re dyke. The girls I catch looking at you when we are out like it too.”

Why was everyone but me noticing that I’ve been less and less femme…and why does it matter, if it matters at all that I “look” butch today or femme? I’m still the same person when I look in the mirror...

And maybe that’s the problem. I am still the same person who hates labels. I don’t want to be trapped into behaving one way or another by a word. Whether I am dressed in heels with make-up or wear my biker boots with a freshly scrubbed face, the bottom line is that my thoughts, feelings, ideas don’t change…I am still who I am. A bisexual woman, mostly femme, but also highly connected to her inner boi.

The thing is, that day, with my husband, I noticed something. When I have my makeup on and I’m wearing heels…I walk a certain way…I smile and tease a certain way…I feel sexy but in a girly way. I try harder to catch the attention of girls who can only be labeled as butch…I’m bolder. Compare that to when I am not dressed femme. I feel tougher, stronger. I swagger more. I smirk more. And I try to not be noticed and by trying to not be noticed, I inevitably am…

But does that mean that if I chose to clip my hair and wear my biker books every day, I’d start feeling less femme? Or if I only wore my stilettos and stockings, cute dresses and makeup, I might actually start to carry a purse? Trust me, the answer to both is no.

I’ve been doing some people watching ever since my own hard look in the mirror…women who dress exclusively butch…and women who dress exclusively femme…even women who are so androgynous that neither butch or femme seems to be an adequate description…and I started to wonder…if we are becoming so determined to express ourselves that we dress a certain way every single day…even when we might want to dress a different way…to fit into another’s definition of a label we’ve accepted for ourselves…are we repressing ourselves and stifling our own unique personalities in deference to what we think others (need) to see in us?

I’ve already admitted to being guilty of this…pulling out my Femme Fatale when all I really wanted to do was spend the day in my comfy biker boots sans makeup…and it wasn’t really even to make someone else happy…just to throw off a label. But all I did was exchange one label for another…so did I gain anything that day? Knowledge, a new look at myself and how whether if I like it or not the labels I've accepted ownership of do define me...
But I've also gleaned the insight that I am willing to defy convention (convention being the assumed labels we apply to ourselves and allow others to apply.)

I want to be who I am any minute of any day. I want to be able to look in the mirror and see “me” not the person someone else expects to see. And from now on...that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Technorati Tags: butches, definitions, fashion, femme, gender presentation, labels

I realize that not all of us are totally into nail polish, I myself being a chronic nail polish "picker" to the point that I just don't even bother to wear it unless something important is happening. Like a party! Since today was the very first day that we've had a coolish breeze down here in south-central Florida I'm inspired to bring to you some Fall nail polish colors.

O.P.I.: This fall/winter palette is "La Collection de France", so all of the colors have some awfully punny names. My favorites out of this collection are Louvre Me, Louvre Me Not (a bright royal purple), Bastille My Heart (adeep, cheery red), and Baguette Me Not (a peachy, "cinnamon" color). (Where to buy OPI)

Orly Gems: Thinking outside the box when it comes to a Fall collection, Orly Gems goes bold with their colors! See how this lacquer-savvy gal takes the polish indoor and outdoor so you know exactly what you're getting with each color. I disagree with her take on that pink one of the bunch - Sea of Light - she says it's not really a fall color. I think a "deep, rosy pink" can totally be a fall color, but it really depends on how you put together the whole ensemble. (Where to Find Orly)

Rescue Beauty Lounge: RBL gives us four down-to-earth colors with a prime formula. "Plie" is a pinkish neutral that will pretty much go with anything. "Bruised" is a dusty plum, followed by a simple "Teal". Finally, RBL creators introduce "No More War" which is somewhere in between camo green and sage green, makes a bold political statement. Here's their description: Peace signs have never looked so chic. This olive green is the perfect color to wear when voting a peace-loving candidate into office. Check out RBL on the web, or if you're in the Big Apple, there are 2 salons.

Technorati Tags: Fall, fashion, nail polish