At the Femme Conference, I attended "The Trouble with Femme History," a workshop co-presented by Cookie Woolner and Mira Bellwether on the history of femme. One of the discussions after the talk centered around the need to create and/or add to femme archives to aid in solidifying our own collective and individual presences in history. Obviously, one of the difficulties in locating "femme" in history is the absence of tangible evidence of its existence (as well as other things being barriers to this like language and identifiers that span time and place). So I've had this on my mind the past few weeks: how I can personally be more responsible in contributing to a larger history and future of femme identity by being conscious of what evidence I physically hold onto and eventually leave behind.

This post is a longtime coming in many ways, as I think continually about creating space for femme community both offline and online; this is part of the reason I'm so excited about *this* blog, after all. Creating an archive now, as spurred by Cookie and Mira's talk, not only will serve queer communities in the future, but also help us right now in finding each other, sharing experience, and creating space for those of us detached from any sort of femme or queer communities at present. I'm specifically thinking about sublimefemme's Love Letter to a Femme in Need (one of the best posts I've read in a long while), about my own evolution to being femme, and about the stories of so many others who've traveled a long, bumpy road to get to claiming this fierce, but sometimes volatile, f-word. Last week, I received an email from a reader of my personal blog, femme FATale, about the "lack of good femme role models" and about resources that aided in coming into one's femmeness. I was able to respond with a few things that have personally affected me or felt validating, but there's so much more that others could contribute if there was a space for it - a composite of our femme resources!

So let's do this. Let's post the who, the what, the where, the when of how we got to call ourselves "femme." There's no wrong answer here. It could be a book, a song, your best friend, your uncle, that time at the homo bar, that time on the bus. What were the things that got you to this place? This is our chance to share information that moved us, that got us, that made us cry or laugh or just made us finally feel fucking recognized. Here's a space to share stories with each other, to thank the people who helped keep our femme hearts pumping. Post your contribution to this wee start of a femme archive below or link us to your own blog where you flesh out your own list. Send it to your friends, forward it around. You get the idea. Ready? Go!

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my list of contributions:

- jennifer tilly's character, "violet," in the film bound. silly, maybe, but i watched this movie nearly 50 times my junior and senior years in college. after the first two years at my women's college where butch and androgynous were the only two queer identities seemingly present and after hiding my awesome rack under a puffy vest and actually crying when i was told i couldn't wear mascara to a dyke frat party, violet reminded me that i could be every bit as queer and still love and wield my skirts and eyeliner as trophies of that.

- jen cross. her essay "surface tensions," in the anthology nobody passes. jen cross is an inspiration, an amazing femme role model, and an incredibly talented writer. her spoken word should never be missed. everything she writes gives me chills.

- chris. though we're not together anymore, she loved and nurtured my femme. got me, got it. taught me how to be good to a butch. real good. validating. we made sense, made fireworks. she taught me to love, love, love, and made me strong enough to love myself, respect my hot femme self and get up, get out, and get on with it. without her.

- charlotte. my best friend, my femme sister. she keeps femme fun and exciting for me. she also reminds me of how important it is to always keep my sense of self, my femme sense of self, in check. she is always true to herself and i love and respect her for it. thanks. for so much. always.

- e. she has always respected and loved the way i do femme. i have grown and cultivated this femme self through us and her arrival into her own butchness. in ways, she helped to bring my femme heart back to life after a good ol' smash-up. she reminds me of what i'm good at.

- femme mafia. if there is a femme mafia chapter near you, you're a lucky femme. if there isn't and there's community for it, you might want to consider taking the time to start one. a year ago, there was no femme mafia twin cities, now there is and i've been connected with some of the smartest, most thoughtful femme friends, role models really, a femme could ask for. thank you, fmtc for reminding me of the importance of having so much femme love in my life. minneapolis/st. paul femme community never looked so good!

- as a fat femme, bevin's femmecast, for sure, as well as just knowing of the existence of fat femmes who organize like fat femme mafia, queer fat femme l.a., fat and queer/f.a.q.

- linda. mommy. she is my favorite embodiment of femme. though not queer, she taught me at four years old that even dressed up pretty in heels, hair pinned in a french twist, it's still ok to raise hell when you've been done wrong, curse like a trucker, and spit on a guy's car window who has just stolen your parking space in a crazy new jersey mall parking lot at christmastime.

- the brazen femme anthology. for being there in words when femme community wasn't. for instilling in me so deeply that femme is so much more than merely an aesthetic and never, ever "just" a counterpart to butch.

- femme conference 2008. leah lakshmi-piepzna-samarasinha. dorothy allison. julia serano. veronica combs. i will trust and honor and love my fellow femmes. i will, i will, i will.

ok, your turn.

Technorati Tags: femme, femme archive, femme conference, resources

I love love love Lelo toys. Like <-------> much. No, really.

And thank goodness for the Liv, because this fancy schmancy vibe has restored my faith in this amazing company, after a run in with the Lily, which left me a bit unimpressed.

I guess the explanation is that I only like the length type toys from this amazing company, because I <3 the Liv almost as much as I am enamored with the Gigi, and let me tell you that says A LOT.

I started out a bit hesitant with the Liv, after my run in with Lily. Granted, I'd had it charged up for a while. I took it to the Fetish Party, in case M had wanted to play in public. She didn't, so it sat in my leopard print travel sex toy bag for a while, sitting and waiting. Finally, I decided it was time; I put it in my travel suitcase, and off I went to go tell the world about the evils of Amendment 48 in Colorado and why they should vote NO on 48. That night, I stayed with Chris. I showed it to her, we oohed and ahhed over it, and then went out for drinks, leaving poor Liv all alone.

Never fear; the next night in the hotel, I brought out Liv. Granted, it might have been slightly blasphemous...I was watching the Olympics, and decided that was as good a time as any to give Liv her trial run. But never you mind. I turned her on; I was still hot and bothered from a certain text I'd received the night before, so I was pretty much raring and ready to go.

Like the Gigi, the Liv has almost a high pissed whine on the lowest vibration settings that triggers headaches. Luckily, I like my sex toys like I like my women; on full speed, so I raised the power level and was good to go. Also like the Gigi, the Liv has not only variable power settings, but also several different programs that are great for mixing things up, and keeping you from getting bored with this fantastic toy.

I started using it on my clit, and yes, it was fabulous. Then I put it inside me, and yes, it was fabulous. It's a different shape than the Gigi, but it still feels absolutely amazing inside (although I don't know if anything can ever compete with the shape of the Gigi). However, I'd come to a dilemma. I needed something inside me to come, but I also needed the vibration on my clit. As I was in a hotel, I was sans any of my dildos, but I was so fucking close, and wanted to come so bad. Luckily for me, I'm like a non-homophobic boy scout, and I come prepared (prepared to come?). I popped a condom out of my purse, slid it down the non-spikey end of my hairbrush, and voila - instant dildo, like being 15 again. Plus, the bristles tickling my inner thighs felt pretty fucking amazing. Good thing I came prepared.

I teased myself a little with the different programs, and then I just turned it on high, and constant. I came, and I came hard. A few times, I'm not going to lie. And then I washed it off. If was going to share, I'd wipe the silicone part down with a 10% bleach solution.

My only beef with this toy is the same one I had with the Gigi - while fucking/being fucked, it's easy to accidentally hit a button that will change the program, and let me tell you, this is very frustrating.

Otherwise, this toy is AMAZING! Like ridiculous. I'd put it one notch below the Gigi, because I like that shape better, but still freaking fabulous. And I like the color (navy blue - much darker than the picture) better than the choices for the Gigi.

Easily 5 stars (out of 5), and a high recommendation from me.

To get your own Liv (or Gigi, for that matter), head on over to VibeReview and pick up a Lelo for your very own. You won't regret it, I promise!

-Essin' Em

Technorati Tags: lelo, Reviews, sex toys, VibeReview, vibrators

This wonderful post comes to you as a guest post from sublimefemme of Sublimefemme Unbound, a fantastic new blog that I encourage all of you to check out! Big thanks go out to sublimefemme for guest posting!

Just a minute ago, my partner sat down on the couch and–seeing my ubiquitous laptop–asked, “Working on your blog?” “No,” I said, “I’m responding to a femme in need.”

I want to offer love and comfort to a femme in tears who’s afraid she’s “doing femme all wrong.” I don’t know her, but I feel like I do, because I understand her pain and confusion. I’m so deeply moved by her story, because her struggle is not only about how difficult it can be to feel at home in one’s gender, but also about the pressure all of us feel to live up to some ideal of what “femme” is. (Of course, this is true for other genders too.)

Am I really a femme if I don’t know how to send the secret femme signals? If I don’t know how to walk, or act, or flirt like a femme, even when I’m dolled up? If I don’t act “classically femme” with a butch? No matter who we are, I think we’ve all had that moment in life when we’ve felt like we were not “the real deal.” You see a world of dykes, butches, femmes or ______ (fill in the blank) who seem to know instinctively how to make all the “right” moves, and you’re heartbroken because you have no idea how to become one of those people.

Arriving at my own femme identity has taken me many, many years. In fact, it’s only been fairly recently that I have given myself permission to claim “high femme” for myself. I remember the first time someone called me high femme; she was a student of mine (a very adorable butch who went on to become a cop–so sexy!). I was flattered, but shocked. I thought, sure I’m feminine, nails, heels, makeup, whatever, but I’m not really femme enough to be “high femme.” It’s funny because that was my first year as a professor and I lectured in a black leather miniskirt and high-heeled leather boots, I kid you not! But back then I imagined “high femme” as some Promised Land of uber femininity where my nails would never chip and, if someone rang the doorbell unannounced, I’d always answer the door looking flawless (a note to all who wish to befriend this particular femme–call first!)

So let me say this to you, Femme in Need. I could not send femme signals on the train going to work in men’s shorts and Birkenstocks, either! Like trans or genderqueer people, we femmes often cannot communicate the complexity of our gender identities to strangers passing by or in brief everyday interactions. (I’m not saying that femmes’ experience is the same as that of transgendered people–I’m just highlighting this point of intersection.)

And please believe me, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to be femme. Embracing an identity like femme can be extremely empowering, but identities are invariably a form of constraint as well. I think we have to recognize and negotiate those constraints, to carve out our own definitions of femme that are fluid enough to accommodate our differences and complexities.

The truth is, we’re all femmes in need.

Much love to you.
xoxoxo

Technorati Tags: femme, gender presentation, what femme is

Granted, summer is almost over for my Northern Sisters, but we Southern women still have at least a few hot months left. Here in Florida, I can remember the temperature being in the 80's on Christmas over the past few years, with no sign of a cool (not cold. cool.) front until at least January. So, what do hot temperatures mean to a femme? Thigh chafing. Surely we can all remember that fabulous dress we had to leave in the closet on a beautiful summer day just because the heat and humidity would cause a very unsexy rash between our legs. Or, can you remember the time you misjudged the weather and wound up stuck with that self same rash later on? Yeah.

I'll give you a couple of specific examples in case you're not convinced that this is a major problem in the day-to-day life of your average femme.

When/where: Unseasonably warm weekend in October, NYC
Chafing blunder: old tights
How it went down: I cut off 2 lengths of some old tights and wore one on each thigh. They were tight enough, I figured they would stay on, but no. I was constantly pulling them up. In the 30 minute trek from one side of the borough to the other, I ended up with a rash so bad that I could barely go nude without hurting. The tights created warmth, which created sweat, and then they rolled up and did no good at all.

When/where: Cancun, Mexico - April
Chafing blunder: skirt with no protection at all
How it went down: It was my first outing on a six-week long trip through the Yucatan and I wore a long flowy skirt. You know that waddle that happens after your thighs are so terribly chafed that you'd rather look like a fool than feel the searing pain? That was me. Waddling back to our host home with a very keen understanding of why "bike or running shorts" were on the packing list for women.

Without further delay, a list of things that may or may not help you combat inner thigh chafing while wearing you spring, summer, autumn, or winter skirt.

Clothing
In my search for thigh-chafing prevention aids I came across a few different clothing items that prevent chafing. Really and truly, you can make do with any type of fitted tights or shorts, like Champion® Bike Shorts or Champion® Running Knee Tights. Regular cotton blend leggingsalso seem to work fine under a longer dress, or under shorter dresses when the style calls for it. For a sexier solution to the chafing problem, I found these lacy, satiny underthings called Luvees. They come in two different version - a panty version and a thigh cover. I think these thigh covers could actually be kinda sexy. One classic favorite anti-chafing tactic of mine has been to wear thigh-high hosiery - I find that I can wear the lacy hem right where chafing hurts the most.

Gels and Creams
If you're going for a basic lubricant to avoid simple friction between your thighs, look no further than petroleum jelly or a thick lotion. If you're going on a short outing, this will surely suffice. I've heard from a host of online commenters, as well as several of my own readers that simple deodorant is the best inexpesive, effective solution. Apply it to your inner thighs where chafing occurs, just like you would apply it to your underarms. Monistat has created a Chafing Relief Powder Gel, which they say, "The formula is unique: an easy-to-apply gel, it dries to form a silky, breathable barrier that calms skin while preventing the irritation caused by moisture, heat, and movement." Athletes seem to swear by products like BodyGlide and SportShield. Sounds to me like an overpriced alternative to the deodorant idea, but it's worth a shot.

Powders
I hesitate to include powders here, because I've often found that they are either absorbed by perspiration, or they rub off so easily that I need to reapply every 30 minutes. But I also know that there are many women for whom this is their primary defense tactic. Cornstarch powder is the very first thing I suggest when it comes to powders. It's silky smooth, available for cheap at the grocery store, and does not contain talc(which has been linked to ovarian cancer). Monistat also has their own overpriced cornstarch powder, called Soothing Care Medicated Powder, a "medicated, talc-free formula contains micro-fine cornstarch and zinc oxide. Soothes painful irritations that can cause itching, without clumping." Belle, a Southern sister who's migrated up North suggests Lush.com's Candy Fluff. This luscious treat does have talc and glitter in it, so please wear good sturdy panties when you use it, but who can resist a fragrance that promises to send you off to cloud nine?

Other
The weirdest thing that I encountered was from Green Eyed Girl who said, "A friend of mine sprayed Tinactin(as in tough actin' tinactin!) on her inner thighs on her wedding day b/c she wanted to be all sexy when she took off her dress that night. She swears by it now."

I also saw that hydration was referenced as an important chafing prevention tool. It seems like something thing we should all be doing - drinking plenty (as in, as much as you can possibly drink) of water. It keeps your skin in tip top shape and the rest of your body too. Read up on the benefits of Drinking Water.

So! Try these out and find one that works for you. We femmes shouldn't have to limit ourselves to wearing pants and shorts in the summer time - go ahead and wear your best skirts and dresses, and do it painlessly. A pain-free, rash-free femme is a happy one, to me.

I <3 Lelo. A lot. You can imagine my excitement when a lovely box arrived in the mail for me, containing none other than my very own Lelo Lily Vibe. Of course, *mine* was not pink. No, it was black, and we all know how incredibly hot black sex toys are! Now, I've had the Gigi vibe by Lelo for almost a year now, and I absotively, posolutely LOVE it.

So you might then be able to understand why I was a little disappointed when the Lily didn't set off fireworks under the covers.

As with all Lelo products, I charged my lovely Lily first. Score one for being sustainable, and not using batteries! As I waited, I read the instructions. Unlike the Gigi, it didn't have multiple programs, although there were different levels of vibration. I loved the feeling of the toy; almost velvety. And of course, like all Lelo products, it is completely phthalate free! Hurray!

Once it was good to go, I unplugged it, and snuck into my bedroom, losing my clothing on the way. Hopping into bed, I turned up the toy to the second setting it, letting it work its way down my body to my clit.

Now, just like there are two types of hits in BDSM (stingy and thuddy) and most people have a preference, there are multiple types of vibration, and I don't just mean "training toys vs the Hitachi Magic Wand", although sometimes it DOES feel that way. No, I mean there are hummy toys, and whiny toys, and buzzy toys, etc. This toy was kind of whiny. It was louder than my Gigi, and the noise was kind of annoying. More over, rather than deeply vibrate my clit the way I like, it almost felt like it tickled it. I tried it on a variety of different settings; high, low, in the middle (kind of like Golidlocks, but nothing felt "just right"). I fit it between my lips, put on a pair of underwear and walked around (a suggestion made in the instructions, which I actually read), but still, nothing.Now, this is not to say it wasn't arousing; it most certainly was. But as someone who loves the humming, high power, weapons grade sex toys? It was incredibly frustrating! After a bit of this, I gave up, putting the Lily to the side, and busting out my good ol' friend, the Hitachi.

These types of vibes are perfect for some people. If you're very sensitive, I can only imagine that the Lily Vibe would feel sensational! However, for me, it just didn't *quite* do it, and it's a pricey enough vibe that I would have been a bit frustrated, and not just sexually. A similar, but slightly more affordable vibe is the Layaspot (although I don't think it comes in black, and let me tell you, that was quite the selling point!), which might be worth trying out first.However, if you KNOW you don't need a lot of fire power, and you like the lighter, more buzzy vibes, this could be the right toy for you. It's beautiful, well designed, re-chargable, comes with a satin pouch for travel and a cool box for storage, is phthalate free, and in addition to pretty colors, is also available in BLACK!

To buy your own Lily, or any other vibe, check out VibeReview.comEssin' Em

Technorati Tags: clitoral vibrators, lelo, sex toys, vibrators

The Femme Conference last weekend was wonderful for a lot of reasons including some community building, heart healing, and general consciousness raising. But this is not to overlook the *amazing* two nights of performances (which included many a hot burlesque queen), but also the pastie making skillshare taught by the stunning and oh-so-talented, Vagina Jenkins. With her permission to re-post, I'm going to provide you with the directions from the informational booklet she put together for us, peppered throughout with some of my own observations and tips. I'm short a reliable digital camera these days, so pardon the lackluster images captured with my camera phone.

Supplies:

- Plastic cup, scissors
- Thin cardboard (think bookmark width) or, if you're wanting to make fancy/professional pasties, buckram
- Paint, markers, glitter, fabric, rhinestones, sequins, flowers, beads, feathers, tassels
- Tacky glue, Aleene's "OK to Wash It" glue, E6000 glue, or hot glue
- Eyelash glue, 2-sided carpet tape, or spirit gum/prosthetic glue

Directions:

Step 1: Using the plastic cup, trace the top or bottom of the cup onto the thin cardboard. Depending on the size of your areolae, you can make the decision what side of the cup (or any other traceable object) you'll want to use. If the cardboard has a glossy side, this is the side you'll want to put towards your nipple.

Step 2: Cut out the circle of cardboard.
Pasties can also be made in other shapes, such as hearts and stars, too!

*

Step 3: Once the base of your pastie is cut out, fold the circle in half
and then half again as shown above on the right.

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Step 4: Unfold the circle and cut along one of the lines from the edge of the circle towards the center, stopping about a centimeter from the center point. Your pastie base should look as the one above.

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Step 5: Overlap the left side of the cut over onto the right side, forming a solid conical shape.
With a toothpick, apply glue to the underside of the overlapping flap in order to secure the edges. Hold in place for several seconds and then allow to dry while you decide with what you will cover the pastie bases!

*

Step 6: I chose red flowers, black feathers, and black strung sequins for my pasties, but really the possibilities are endless! You can use curtain tassels for the centers or rhinestones. We even saw someone in the workshop make use of some amazing old-fashioned black and gold dangly earrings for the center. Be careful though - tassels and jewelery chains, when twirling, can get stuck in sequined trim and feathers. Also, too heavy a center, like the earrings I mentioned above, will look gorgeous, but won't twirl properly because of their weight, so choose your supplies wisely depending on the look you want to achieve.

*

Step 7: Spend some time arranging how you want your pasties to look and then get to gluing.
When you're done, give yourself a pat on the back and strip down for your big ta-da!!!

More Pastie Resources:

- Jo "Boobs" Weldon's Burlesque E-book
- Amber Ray's Fancy Pasties
- How to Twirl Titty Tassels

Technorati Tags: burlesque, femme conference

Image from Postsecret.com

In a recent discussion amongst ourselves we came to the conclusion that we need more diversity in our group of contributors.  I believe it was stated something along the lines of us all being white, with advanced educations, and with the exception of one (me) identified as fat femmes.  I still fit though.  I'm an ex-fat femme.

Not long ago I came out, not as a queer femme, but as an ex-fat queer femme.  I started talking about this recently with friends, how life has changed for me, especially as a femme, being thin.  I've been informed that the rules have changed and I now have to learn how to navigate my way through society as a thin woman, which means (and my friend really did say this) I'm not supposed to use the word fat anymore.  Really?  Is that true?  Is it like the "N Word"?  Maybe it's the equivalent of calling myself queer, but not wanting someone else to call me a queer?  I don't know.

Let me give you some background.  In February of 2007 I went to the doctor.  I had a baby at home with a midwife in 2005.  I hadn't seen my weight since 2005.  I knew I was fat, but I didn't expect them to say, "270 lbs. today".  I immediately began to cry and cried through my entire initial consultation with a physician I had never met.  She must have thought I was nuts.  Well, kind of.  I was there for refills on my antidepressants.

I cried and cried and cried and came home and cried some more.  2 7 0.  Two hundred and seventy pounds.  I felt sexy.  I still felt like other people found me to be sexy.  My delicious husband never let on that he didn't enjoy my body or find me attractive.  Our former girlfriend was a yummy size 18 and never once did I find her anything but perfect in her skin.  Yet the numbers resonated in my head.  Of course I knew I was fat.  I could only buy clothes at Lane Bryant or go with the limited selection of "plus-sized woman" options in a mainstream department store that were sinfully ugly.  I remember feeling like it was a punishment for being fat - either pay exorbitant prices at Lane Bryant or wear the ugly fat lady clothes.

Something fundamental changed that day, and I can't tell you what it was.  It wasn't about being healthy.  I know, it should be.  It was something else that I hope to be able to pinpoint by writing about this topic.  I strictly couldn't process that I was 30 lbs. shy of 300 lbs. and I am only 5' 4".

Fast forward to today - it is August, 2007.  I weigh 140 lbs.  I'm a size six.  Life is very different and apparently the rules of engagement have changed.  I'm going to try to figure them out, and hopefully you'll help me by just giving me a place to write about it here.  I want to, for example, write about how uncomfortable it makes other people that I've lost weight and they haven't, or how people now worry I'm anorexic because I am so self-disciplined.

This post would go on forever and a day if I were to talk about each of those 130 lbs. that I've lost and all the work that went into each one of them - physical and emotional.  Everybody wants to know the secret.  There was a rumor where I used to work that I had gastric bypass surgery (how else could she have lost all that weight?).  I didn't.  I would have, but the process seemed so complex and complicated.

Here's what I did, in a nutshell:  I changed the way I thought about the world.  I changed the way I thought about myself.  I changed virtually every element of who I am except for the core values I hold and my red hair and freckles.  I journaled every day.  I found ways to enjoy exercise (a totally unique concept to me).  I did it the good, old-fashioned way and threw in a bunch of yoga, visualization techniques, meditation and neuro-linguistic programming.  I'm far from finished.  I don't just mean the last 20 lbs. I want to lose.  I mean in the way I see myself now and how that is different from how I thought it would be.

So what do you think?  Is fat a naughty word we ought not say unless we ourselves identify as fat?  Does it count that some days I feel fat?  Can I still support the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance or is it patronizing?  [On a side note:  I do think it's funny that in their own Cafe Press store their largest size is XL].  Does being thin make me more feminine than when I was fat?  I feel more femme than ever, to be honest.  Is my friend right?  Am I limited to using {BBW, volumptuous, curvy, overweight, larger, bigger, and plus-sized} when all I want to say is fat?

Technorati Tags: diets, ex-fat femme, fat, feminine, identities, labels, meditation, NAAFA, neurolinguistic programming, society, weight loss, yoga

Ok, now, I know what you're thinking.  What does Strawberry Soup have to do with Femmes (other than being sweet and delicious)?  Well, Strawberry Soup is tasty, easy to make in a hurry, nice and cooling on hot summer days, is slightly erotic, and oh, is fun to drizzle on your partner (or have drizzled on you).

So. That's why I'm writing about it

First step, get naked.  You think I'm kidding; I'm not.  Get naked, and then put on an apron. Nothing BUT the apron (it's cold, there is no cooking involved, you'll be safe).  My particular apron is leopard print with black ruffles, of course.

Step two, get the ingredients.  This soup is SO simple!  4 ingredients (5 if you want a garnish):

*1/2 Quart Strawberries (hulled and quartered)

*1/2 Quart Strawberry Ice Cream

*1/4 Cup Whipping Cream (although I've used fat-free half and half, since I had it to make Grasshoppers, and it worked just fine)

1/2 Tabelspoon Lemon Juice

Sprinkle of mint/shredded coconut/dried strawberries for a garnish

Third step, make the soup;

Mix the first 4 ingredients together in a bowl.  Stir it up to blend them together. Now put them in a blender (you may need to do it in two separate rounds, depending on the size of your blender).  Blend (complicated, but someone has got to do it!).  

Fourth step; prepare the soup;

Pour the soup into two bowls -- one for you, and one for your partner.  Garnish if you'd like. Add spoons.

Fifth step; eat the soup;

Cuddle in bed, on the couch, or on the back porch.  Eat most of the soup while chatting.  Then save a little at the bottom to place a dot on their nose, or drip down your cleavage.  CLEARLY, there needs to be a shared effort in the clean up.

Final step (optional), Sex0rs!

I think you know how to do this better than I can explain.  If not, well, we'll just have to post a "how-to" on that. Or shoot me an email at EssinEm at gmail dot com, and I'll do my best to explain. No promises though.

Makes enough soup for two hot and horny people. Feel free to double or triple the recipe for an orgy, play party, or if you'd like left overs.

-Essin' Em

Technorati Tags: femmes, recipe, soup, strawberries

While I'm giving myself a few days to decompress after the Femme Conference and spend some time processing before blogging about it, you all need to check out the Femme Shark Manifesto. One of the keynote speaker's at the conference was writer/activist/performer, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha. As part of her address, she delivered this manifesto composed after conversations and experiences with her best friend and fellow founding Femme Shark, Zuleikha Mahmood, on what makes bad-ass femmes or femme sharks! I get chills just reading this! Pass it along to your favorite femme!

The Femme Shark Manifesto
by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha

FEMME SHARKS DON'T EAT OUR OWN.
FEMME SHARKS LIKE TO EAT THOUGH
FEMME SHARKS RECOGNIZE THAT FEMMES COME IN ALL KINDS OF SIZES AND EACH KIND IS LUSCIOUS.
WE WORK TOWARDS LOVING OUR CURVY, FAT, SKINNY, SUPERSIZE, THICK, DISABLED, BLACK AND BROWN FINE-ASS BODIES EVERY DAY. WE REALIZE THAT LOVING OURSELVES IN A RACIST/SEXIST/HOMO/TRANSPHOBIC/ABLEIST/CLASSIST SYSTEM IS AN EVERY DAY ACT OF WAR AGAINST THAT SYSTEM.
FEMME SHARKS DON'T THINK ANOREXIA IS CUTE.
WE THINK EATING A BIG-ASS MEAL IS SEXY.
WE SAY SCREW "HEIGHT WEIGHT PROPORTIONATE PLEASE" IN CRAIGSLIST WOMEN SEEKING WOMEN ADS
AND IN LIFE.

WE HAVE BIG MOUTHS AND WE KNOW HOW TO USE THEM.
DON'T FUCK WITH US! ASK US IF WE WANT TO FUCK THOUGH!

FEMME SHARKS WILL RECLAIM THE POWER AND DIGNITY OF FEMALENESS BY ANY MEANS NECCESARY.
WE'RE GIRLS BLOWN UP, TURNED INSIDE OUT AND REMIXED.

FEMME SHARKS ARE OVER WHITE QUEERS OBLIVIOUSNESS TO QUEER OF COLOR, TWO SPIRIT
AND TRANS OF COLOR LIVES.
WE KNOW THAT WE ARE A CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE
WE'RE OVER WHITE FEMMES AND BUTCHES WHO THINK THAT FEMME ONLY COMES IN THE COLOR OF BARBIE.
WE'RE OVER BUTCHES AND BOYS AND OTHER FEMMES TELLING US WHAT WE NEED TO DO, WEAR OR BE IN ORDER TO BE "REALLY FEMME."

FEMME SHARKS RECOGNIZE THAT FEMMES, BUTCHES, GENDERQUEER AND TRANS PEOPLE
HAVE BEEN IN COMMUNITIES OF COLOR SINCE FOREVER.
THAT BEFORE COLONIZATION WE WERE SEEN AS SACRED
AND WE WERE SOME OF THE FIRST FOLKS MOST VIOLENTLY ATTACKED
WHEN OUR LANDS WERE INVADED AND COLONIZED.
FEMME SHARKS WON'T REST UNTIL WE RECLAIM OUR POSITIONS
AS BELOVED FAMILY WITHIN OUR COMMUNITIES.

FEMME SHARKS AREN'T JUST DIMEPIECES AND TROPHY WIVES
FUCK THAT!
WE MIGHT BE YOUR GIRL,
BUT WE'RE OUR OWN FEMMES.
WE RECOGNIZE THAT FEMMES ARE LEADERS OF OUR COMMUNITIES.
WE HOLD IT DOWN, CALM YOUR TEARS, ORGANIZE THE RALLY, VISIT YOU IN JAIL, GET CHILDCARE HOOKED UP, LOAN YOU TWENTY DOLLARS.
FEMMES ARE WELDERS, AFTERSCHOOL TEACHERS, ABORTION CLINIC WORKERS, STRIPPERS, WRITERS, FACTORY WORKERS, MOMS, REVOLUTIONARIES DEDICATED TO TAKING THE SYSTEM THE HELL DOWN SO WE CAN BE FREE!

FEMMES ARE LEADERS IN TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS/ DEFENDING OUR QUEER
AND TRANS OF COLOR COMMUNITIES.
WE USED OUR STILETTOS AS WEAPONS AT STONEWALL.
WE WERE THE TRANSWOMEN WHO FOUGHT BACK AT THE COMPTON CAFETERIA
WE'RE THE GIRLS WHO STARE DOWN ASSHOLES STARING AT OUR LOVERS AND FRIENDS ON THE SUBWAY.
WE WALK EACH OTHER HOME
ACT CRAZY ON THE BUS TO GET ASSHOLES TO MOVE AWAY
AND KNOW HOW TO BREAK SOMEONE'S LEGS
WE SHARE WHAT WE KNOW.

FEMME SHARKS STAND UP FOR THE NEW JERSEY FOUR AND EVERY OTHER QUEER AND TRANS PERSON OF COLOR IN THE PRISON INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX FOR DEFENDING OUR LIVES.
WE BELIEVE IN SELF-DEFENSE AND SELF-DETIRMINATION.
WE BELIEVE THAT WE HAVE A RIGHT TO DEFEND OURSELVES AND OUR COMMUNITIES
AGAINST ANY KIND OF ATTACK-
FROM ASSHOLES ON THE STREET
TO RACIST WHITE CLUB OWNERS WHO WANT THREE PIECES OF ID
TO FOLKS WHO INSIST THAT WE'RE STRAIGHT.
TO PEOPLE WHO TAKE OUR LAND.

WE REMEMBER OUR DEAD- SAKIA GUNN, GWEN ARAUJO, AND MANY OTHER QUEER AND TRANS POC WHO DIED BECAUSE OF RACIST, HOMO/TRANSPHOBIC VIOLENCE
NOT AS A POLITICAL STATEMENT
BUT AS WOMEN WE LOVED IN REAL LIFE
WOMEN WHO COULD'VE BEEN US OR OUR LOVES.

WE ARE NOT GOING TO BE LEFT OUT OF "THE STRUGGLE."
NOT THIS TIME.
WE'RE NOT JUST A PRETTY FACE.

FEMMES GODDAMN WELL KNOW HOW TO STRAP IT ON, CHANGE THE OIL IN THE CAR, AND PUT UP SHELVES.
WE CAN DO ANY GODDAMN THING WE WANT!
THAT'S WHY WE'RE FEMME SHARKS!
FEMME IS NOT THE SAME THING AS BEING OUR MOMS
FEMMES ARE BEAUTIFUL AND STRONG WHEN WE BOTTOM
AND WE'RE HOT AS HELL WHEN WE TOP
OUR BOTTOMING AND TOPPPING ARE BOTH GIFTS TO BE MET WITH RESPECT.
WHEN WE TAKE OUR LOVERS FIST ALL THE WAY INSIDE
ASK FOR WHAT WE WANT
BE THE BEST DIRTY GIRL
OR MAKE OUR LOVERS FLIP
WE'RE A FUCKING MIRACLE.
IN THE WORDS OF JILL SCOTT, "YOU GOTTA DO RIGHT BY ME. IT'S MANDATORY, BABY."

FEMME SHARKS SHOP AT ROSS, FOXY LADY, VALUE VILLAGE, THE HM $5 RACK, TORRID
AND THE DOLLAR STORE , AND KNOW HOW TO SHOPLIFT
WE CONCOCT BRILLIANT STRATEGIES TO LOOK FINE
ON TEN DOLLARS OR LESS.
WE'RE ONLY "INVISIBLE" IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOOK FOR US.

WE TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER
RECOGNIZE THAT FEMMES ARE EACH OTHERS' WEALTH
HOS BEFORE BROS, ALWAYS!
FEMME SOLIDARITY AND LOVE FOR EACH OTHER
IS A REVOLUTIONARY FORCE
WE BELIEVE IN GIRLS LOVING GIRLS, RESPECTING EACH OTHER'S BRILLIANCE
NOT FIGHTING OVER BOIS OR BUTCHES
NOT TRYING TO BE THE ALPHA FEMME
WE'RE ANTI-DRAMA
BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF COMMUNITIES THAT HEAL HURT, APOLOGIZE, LISTEN TO EACH OTHER
AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT.
WE BELIEVE IN BUILDING OUR QTPOC COMMUNITIES STRONG

FEMME SHARKS WERE THERE WHEN FRIDA KAHLO HOOKED UP WITH
HER GIRLFRIENDS
WHEN JOAN NESTLE, CHRYSTOS, JEWELLE GOMEZ, ALEXIS DE VEUX, SYLVIA RIVERA, DOROTHY ALLISON, MINNIE BRUCE PRATT AND AMBER HOLLIBAUGH MADE QUEER FEMME HISTORY
WHEN ZAPATISTA WOMEN HOOKED UP

WHEN OUR COUSINS WERE MAKING OUT IN THE WOMEN'S SECTION OF THE MASJID
WHEN OUR GRANDMAS AND QUEER AUNTIES SNUCK OUT AT NIGHT
DIDN'T GET MARRIED TIL LATE- OR AT ALL
HAS A BEST GIRLFRIEND
AND STOOD UP FOR HER
FEMME SHARKS WERE THERE.

FEMME SHARKS ARE IN THE BODIES OF COUNTLESS SEX WORKERS, NEIGHBORDS AND LADIES WAITING FOR THE BUS AND IN THE LINEUP AT CENTURY 21.
AT RIIS BEACH, FUNKASIA, LOVERGIRL NYC, BUTTA, MANGO, MANHATTAN'S, DESILICIOUS, AND BIBI!
FEMME SHARKS LIVE ON THE REZ, IN CAPETOWN, NEWARK, OAKLAND!!!!!, THE SOUTH SIDE, NEW ORLEANS, COLOMBO, JUAREZ AND BROOKLYN SUBURBIA, THE FARM, AND LITTLE SMALL TOWNS.
WE'RE IN FOSTER CARE, THE PSYCH WARD, JUVIE, AND ABOUT TO BE EVICTED.

WE ARE SURVIVORS WHO ARE MORE THAN WHAT WE SURVIVED.
WE ARE FIGURING OUT HOW TO HEAL
AND HOW TO MAKE IT SO THAT NO ONE
WILL HAVE TO SURVIVE SEXUAL VIOLENCE EVERY AGAIN.
WE BELIEVE IN THE TOTAL DESTRUCTION OF THE SYSTEM AS WE KNOW IT
TO MAKE SOMETHING MUCH MO BETTA
AND WE BELIEVE IN MAKING OUR OWN WAYS TO FIGHT AND RESIST
ON THE DAILY.

A FEMME SHARK IS ANY GIRL
WHO IS TOUGH, HUNGRY, FIGHTS FOR HERSELF AND HER FAM
AND IS WORKING ON BECOMCING THE KIND OF GIRL
WHO FINDS GOD IN HERSELF
AND LOVES HER FIERCELY

WE'RE YOUR BEST GIRLFRIEND AND YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE

LOVE AND RAGE,
THE FEMME SHARKS

FEMME SHARKS ARE ON PATROL!
JOIN THE MOVEMENT! SHARK SHARK IT UP!
FOR MORE INFORMATION, EMAIL: THEFEMMESHARKS@GMAIL.COM

Written by Founding Femme Shark Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha

The Femme Sharks are an idea that was dreamed up by SBBFFF (Slutty Brown Best Femme Friends Forever) Zuleikha Mahmood and Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha in March of 2008, Oakland, CA.

Who are the Femme Sharks?

The Femme Sharks are a movement founded by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha and Zuleikha Mahmood to reclaim the power of femmes as fierce, tough, hungry girls who are the leaders and defenders of our communities. Pissed off at the stereotypes we keep running into inside and outside the queer community, that femme = weak, stupid, drama-laden, anorexic and looking like Barbie, in March 2008 Slutty Brown Best Femme Friends Forever Zuleikha Mahmood and Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha founded the Femme Sharks, a movement that re-inscribes femme as voracious, tough, complicated, and living inside many kinds of bodies- the kind of girls who can fuck your ass and change the oil in the car at the same time. Our manifesto has circulated widely across North America, and our Dyke March contingent in support of the New Jersey 4 was a huge hit. Projects in the works include an Oakland sex party for queer and trans POC benefiting QTPOC causes like the New Jersey 4.

Technorati Tags: femme conference

I've been thinking a lot about femme cock lately, ever since I posted on the subject. I haven't only been thinking about the acquisition of one, however, but also what it means to have a femme cock, and what it means that my cock is femme. On one hand, it's a very minuscule difference. I mean, what does it matter if my cock is femme, butch, genderqueer, a dildo, or any other label that I put on it? It's still a cock, right? It's still a piece of silicone. On the other hand, cocks are not thought of as femme or feminine. Cocks are, as we generally associate them with males, usually considered a masculine item.

So, what does it really mean to have a femme cock? What's the big deal? For one thing, when a cock is strapped on it is pretty much assumed that the strapper is masculine in some way. While there are many people who do not make this assumption I would say that the overwhelming majority do. Though it does seem like pegging (female penetrating a male with a strap on) has been getting more popular lately with videos like Bend Over Boyfriend and lots of beginner strap-on kits popping up all over the place. Even then, however, the penetrator is still thought of as taking on the masculine role even if the penetrator isn't thought of as masculine.

Penetration is nearly always considered a masculine act, even if done by a feminine body. Rarely do you see a dildo called Felicity or Sophia, instead we see Leo, General, Magnum, and Throb. That's not to say that there aren't female-named dildos like Goddess, Mistress, Wanda, and the ever delightful Vicky Venus, but they are nowhere near as common as the others. There have always been vibrators with feminine names, because they are trying to appeal to their target audience, but if you delve into the realm of "realistic" dildos... well, I'll just say I have yet to see a dildo marketed as realistic named anything feminine (though there could be one or two, I can't claim to have seen all the dildos in the world). I'm not saying that they should be more common, I wouldn't make that call, but I am saying that thinking of a dildo as feminine or thinking of penetration as a feminine act is not common.

But what does it really mean for a femme to have a cock, or for a femme to pack? There are infinite ways in which a femme can pack, and an infinite number of reasons and desires which can come out of packing/having a cock. I can't help but think of an excerpt from The Leather Daddy and the Femme when thinking about femme cock, and the infinite possibilities:

It was lavender silicone and not shaped like a cock at all. It wasn't even meant to be a cock, on her. She never got especially turned on to cocks--but strapping on something to fuck with, something that let her pin me to a bed or a wall and let her cunt-energy come exploding out of her and into my cunt or asshole, she liked that just fine. [...] She didn't think of it as a cock so I didn't either, but I sure did take it seriously.

This is part of the way I think of my cock, I declare it as a cock but I don't think of it as a cock but as an extension of my cunt, which is also why I'm not very attracted to realistic-looking cocks for my own personal cock. I wouldn't be against a realistic-looking (and feeling) cock in my collection, but that wouldn't be my main cock.

The more I read in The Leather Daddy and the Femme the more I work with and figure out my own gender queerness. My sexuality is so tied in with my gender, and it's interesting to have this lovely femme woman as well as a butch boi within me, both aching to get out and both who desire to wear a cock.

This brings me back to the question: what does it mean? Obviously, it can mean a lot of different things depending on who is wearing the cock and who is viewing/feeling the cock. Is there a big difference between someone who embraces femme packing or strapping on than someone who embraces butch? I think there is. That's not to say that the same meaning couldn't be applied to the cock or the wearing of the cock in both cases, because it could be, but there would still be a difference. What would that difference be, I'm not entirely sure. Something I'll have to think on more and get back to you.

-Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

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